Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML
Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML
Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML
Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ZombieInConverse 13
Best friends are like enemies except treat you a hell of a lot worse.
Faff 20
if your FML starts with 'after a night of heavy drinking', you know nobody's going to have sympathy for you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (91)
ltaper11 20
Fuzzy or not? Also does it now hurt to sit? These are valid questions to help you remember last night
a_lenzmeier 11
This sounds like a start of a really bad porno...
Joshwarrior 39
like maz said at least you're not naked and hey at least you are in your bed. I'm sure they will be back they just need to upload all of the pictures first so you cant stop them, and you know if it was the other way around you would be laughing too.
perdix 31
Good thing you could submit this FML with your toes! You may want to use this time to contact someone who could free you, instead of those of us who ridicule you, before you get the overwhelming urge to pee, vomit or, God forbid, take a dump. Wouldn't it be awful to be chained to your bed and have to urinate? Whatever you do, don't think about flowing water, especially warm, flowing water. Thinking about a beautiful stream of warm, flowing water is the last thing you should think about. Good luck and don't get too pissed off that this happened while you were pissed.
SMHsohard 22
You have a definite mean streak, perdix. I knew there was something about you that I liked! You should have also warned him about thinking of a warm summer rain storm, and watching the water flow down the street into the drain.
MatteKudasai 17
And don't forget to mention not to take notice of any slow, constant dripping from leaky faucets!
icryevrytime 7
Be sure to keep us bed posted.
oxygenius 14
And somehow you managed to free your hands to post up an FML?
delaneyluke 5
Bow chicka wow wow
conqueror57 11
You don't need keys to get out of handcuffs. They are extremely easy to pick.
RedPillSucks 33
If your hands are cuffed together. If your hands are cuffed apart with two separate cuffs then things get a little more interesting.
EVnIAS 13
pics or we won't believe you! lol
skyeyez9 25
How long did they leave you like that?