Miscellaneous: Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking...

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 323

You deserved it 3 843

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 754

You deserved it 3 434

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 321

You deserved it 4 012

By Mangler - 22/06/2010 13:49 - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 226

You deserved it 5 262

By Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/09/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 359

You deserved it 4 211

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 816

You deserved it 36 563

Stealth bomber

By Jogger - 19/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 129

By r4inb0wbrit3 - 13/07/2012 07:37 - United States - Townsend

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 516

You deserved it 37 923

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 389

You deserved it 8 852

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 280

You deserved it 1 925

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 4 380

DoggyDoggWorld 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 11:55

"his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas" Where the hell do you find these expressions?

AliceIsCurious 6

Wednesday 17 August 2011 11:52

So that's where he is! Kindly tell my father to come home and take his meds.

Comments

structuredchaoz 4

Wednesday 17 August 2011 19:52

Poor you. Ignore him and get over it. Ydi for complaining.

fijianchick 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 20:06

Well my mother invented the freaking apple beat that

Stylin_Since_97 10

Wednesday 17 August 2011 20:36

Was it necessary to say, "ass gas?" keep it PG please!!!!

White_Knightspc 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 20:45

You just met Harry Reid. Feel better today.

kindlystfupls 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 20:51

People still go to the post office?? Lol

kindlystfupls 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 21:21

One day... Lol

OhSnap_NoWay 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 21:39

corpse's shoe? Satans Ass Gas? really, how does ones face look like a shoe of a dead person and please tell how you know what Satans ass smells like

adwoa 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 22:38

funny as hell!!!!

ih82bl8 2

Wednesday 17 August 2011 23:26

So you spent enough time in hell to get close enough to satin's ass gas? What were you two doing?

Spurschick88 3

Monday 8 April 2013 0:34

Yes

WHITE3TIGER 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 23:56

We have found Murdock in need of taking back hospital and to get cleaned up

btbamfan75 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 0:04

you couldnt have just said "like satan farted"

Spurschick88 3

Monday 8 April 2013 0:35

Wouldn't have been a funny, duh

Keywords

Love Video games Gamers Health Gross Weird First Dates Smells Parents Technology Kids Annoying Jealousy Animals Dogs AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Relatable Gun control Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Social Media Scams

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Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 340

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 271

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 184

Today, it's been a week since I realized how much work the tongue actually does during eating. It pushes food around the mouth to my teeth like a little slug. I've been so conscious of it, I haven't enjoyed eating since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 782

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 909

You deserved it 6 814

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 3 812

Today, the phrase "To share everything with one's friends" took a pretty unexpected meaning when a friend of mine asked me for a date. When I told him how unlikely it was to happen because of my friendship with his girlfriend, he answered that it was no excuse as she fell in love with me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 162

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 698

You deserved it 424

Same thing different taste

Oh shit…

Stealth bomber

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