Work: Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care...

By Basically_ - 11/05/2015 21:24 - United States - Charleroi

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 870

You deserved it 4 694

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Basically_ 6

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 20:52

OP here! Maybe I should have specified that the medication causes mild confusion, as in, maybe I forget where a specific resident keeps their towels. Alzheimer's residents can get very upset if everything is not done in a specific way. I would never go to work if I thought I could not do my job!

Work

Walk the line

Dementia or hate? You decide

Lonely, so lonely

By LadyNexus - 07/01/2015 03:54 - United States - Mohrsville

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 139

You deserved it 4 263

Cartoonish

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 02:01

Today, my kid jumped from the couch into our Christmas tree. As she literally slid down the entire tree, it was like it was happening in slow motion. I was laughing so hard, I peed myself, so I had to clean up decorations and my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 441

By ifaisal - 26/02/2010 03:05 - Qatar

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 306

You deserved it 3 575

By wildwonder808 - 12/08/2013 22:47 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 338

You deserved it 8 047

By reginaphalange - 27/05/2010 14:06 - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 760

You deserved it 3 311

No rest for the heroes

By J Claire Sanchez - 22/03/2020 15:56

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 152

Great boyfriend

By Anonymous - 03/05/2020 23:00

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 524

By tatfreak - 08/03/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 727

You deserved it 36 333

By pincushion - 31/12/2015 05:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 059

You deserved it 1 618

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 862

You deserved it 40 308

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 36 497

By lizi - 21/08/2017 03:30 - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 643

You deserved it 689

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 551

You deserved it 8 653

By Marian - 23/03/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 598

You deserved it 8 999

Monday Motivation

By Katie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 797

You deserved it 2 928

Droning on

By macone - 24/04/2021 21:30

Today, a colleague crashed a drone into my almost brand new car. I even asked him before if it was OK to park there or if I should better park somewhere else, and he said, "No problem" and bragged about being the best drone pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 112

By No thanks - 20/05/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 560

You deserved it 1 483

By casey - 25/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 828

You deserved it 26 409

By lynxstorm - 17/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend whom I love dearly because he doesn't share his feelings and won't commit. Yesterday, he wrote me a long love letter telling me he wanted to marry me. One of my kids had shoved it under my printer and I didn't find it until after he had moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 011

You deserved it 11 514

Goddammit, Facebook!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2021 23:01 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he isn't sure about me anymore. He said he saw a quote on Facebook that a guy can be with a girl for 10 years, then leave, and be with a girl for one and marry that girl. Meanwhile, I've been planning on the rest of my life with him in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 112

By thesockmancometh - 30/07/2009 15:21 - United States

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 034

You deserved it 4 632

By harvdog - 02/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 973

You deserved it 5 187

By ManInPain - 12/07/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 058

You deserved it 4 897

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 00:34 - United States - Mentor

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 838

You deserved it 4 156

By mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 532

You deserved it 15 990

By brannonjames - 10/05/2012 22:20 - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 339

You deserved it 2 329

Cool story, tell it again

By GGimabeast - 29/07/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 259

You deserved it 12 372

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47 - United States

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 484

You deserved it 9 996

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 566

You deserved it 38 358

By creeper-status - 05/05/2016 17:37 - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 085

You deserved it 957

By dannyboy1422 - 02/10/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 879

You deserved it 3 639

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 745

You deserved it 3 847

By Username - 23/06/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 309

You deserved it 2 577

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 284

You deserved it 3 015

By bitchyskier - 26/02/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 926

You deserved it 63 639

By bitten - 15/05/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 2 768

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 19:02 - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 456

You deserved it 4 288

By Flicker - 14/05/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 863

You deserved it 12 579

By dad, please - 16/05/2016 05:37 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 866

You deserved it 1 549

By housematefromhell - 21/07/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 668

You deserved it 354

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AnOriginalName 19

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:12

Maybe it would be better to take some time off until you're done using that medication. Or at least until you can get those side effects under control. I wouldn't want a doped-up nurse taking care of me.

Kitty_Kat44 31

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 23:17

I'm sorry but them telling you to get your shit together is pretty funny. Hopefully the side effects of your medication go away.

hunterluv1 20

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:08

Don't worry too much about it, if the medication is working for you and the side effect isn't too negatively impacting you, just keep doing your job best you can.

tdawg91 17

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 12:12

I'll be the one to state the obvious.... That's really bad advice, the "best you can do" is clearly not good enough and being in the health care industry is a job where you HAVE to be good enough or it could fuck people up badly.

hunterluv1 20

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 12:57

it's my bad, I've been studying all day and came on FML on a break. I read the FML a little weird in my head and now looking at it I see why what I commented doesn't make sense. Yes, OP either needs to change their medicine or stop working until they don't need it anymore. I'm seeking a career in nursing so I know the importance of the job, and that no one wants a nurse that isn't fully aware of everything going on around them. sorry!

Isandri 29

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:10

At least they could tell that to someone, instead of being told that by people ;) don't worry, you'll get better and will do your job well :)

demamcgirl16 21

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 12:37

I'm really confused by this... Are you saying people with Alzheimer's aren't people?

SnailMail 12

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 13:46

I think they meant at least people with Alzheimer's can say things like that, rather than healthy people saying it to the ones with Alzheimer's

demamcgirl16 21

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 1:50

Ohh aha that makes a lot more sense

AnOriginalName 19

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:12

dragonkisses28 25

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Wednesday 13 May 2015 1:17

They're not a doped up nurse. They're a doped up nurses aid. You would be surprised how many doped up nurses are actually out there though.

LennyComa 39

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:16

That is pretty funny to be fair, They sound like awesome elderly people. Hopefully you can get some control of the side effects soon

Soundslikeothers 15

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:20

Is it really best to be working in the medical field when taking medication with the side effect of confusion?

Ms_ValS 27

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:32

You could kill someone. Literally. This is not an FML. This is a potential murder. I see the irony though.

hushhh 4

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:34

Okay, this is the best FML that I've read in a long time...lol. Hopefully, it's not a medication that you have to stay on permanently.

xmalachix 15

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:45

Don't worry to much about it... they won't remember it tomorrow!

Colon_Man 17

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 18:10

Old man: "Get your shit together!" Same old man: "Who said that?!"

Fas4wd 13

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:46

Should you really be working?

assurant 12

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:48

you should've told then that if they say that again you will poison them and let them slowly choke on their own blood

gracehi 31

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 12:31

What the fuck, dude?

Meettitan 14

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 12:37

Never go full retard.

gracehi 31

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 14:26

More like "Never go full psycho "

Cads1 24

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Tuesday 12 May 2015 11:49

Hahahaha!!!!! That made my night! Awesome call from the elderly!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 992

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 1 147

Basically_ tells us more.

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