Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML
Today, I invited my very animal-phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved, so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML
Today, I was really excited because the guy I was seeing invited me over for sex. His house was messy, but I looked past that. The final straw was he wouldn’t make his dog get off the bed so we could get it on. He actually got offended and told me to leave because, “What? She’s just lying there.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML
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Top comments
StoryOfTheYear 15
I display dominance over my dog simply by making her roll over so I can rub her belly, but whatever floats your boat.
luismyl 6
When I began reading I thought the dog was going to jump in too. That would have been a worst fml.
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Comments (145)
uKNOuLOVEit 0
Secret*
rhysfucker 24
"Today, my Master and her boyfriend made me stay in her bedroom and watch while they had sex. Humans are so weird. FMDL"
jojimugo 20
Best comment ever.......u killed it
Steve95401 49
Is this a new version of "doggie style"?
DocBastard 40
Is this like when you scold the dog when it pees on the carpet? "You see that, boy? You see that? That's right! THAT'S how you **** a bitch! THAT'S how you do it. Do you see? Are you looking?!"
TheClaymanColony 2
As long as he doesn't try to rub thr dog's nose in it...
Urbanchiller 0
Careful PETA might find this as dog abuse.
PhilipNotMacedon 3
Fun fact: PETA kills 90% of the animals it takes in, and is opposed to all forms of animal husbandry, including pets in general. If PETA had their way, that dog would get the gas chamber.
murdersquirrel 15
90%? Really? That sounds like propaganda.
faithxoxox 1
Even more fun facts: 19.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
dyble95 0
That's not a made up statistic. PETA really is made up of a bunch of sick ***** that do really stupid things. In one case they were mad how marrio uses a suit of an endagerd spiecies (that thing with the tail that you can fly with) so you know what they did? They made a game in response were you play as marrio brutally killing animals....
XxDaniEmoxX 0
I'm pretty sure most of the people in PETA are insane.
Levvy 22
Dyble: I've played the game they made protesting Mario (seemingly) wearing fur, and that isn't even what you do in it. I'm not sure if you're just taking other peoples' unverified assertions as gospel or lying, but neither is a good habit. Try to verify things for yourself once in a while before you pass them on. It really does not make your claim a statistic is not made up look credible when you demonstrate either gullibility or dishonesty.
ohSNAPyall 27
133 uh ok. Why don't you clarify then?
rattusrattus 19
I have a book by a dog behaviorist filled with weird (and sometimes hilarious) dog behavior problems - the dog who keeps getting into scraps, attacking itself and not letting go of its own leg, the dog who perceived the back door as a territory intruder, the dog who kept compulsively staring at patches of light on walls - and this just made me think of the final problem: the dog who kept growling at its owner's fiancee whenever the owner and fiancee tried to have sex (or even got in bed together). You do need to show dominance over a new partner's dog sometimes as you are usurping their perceived place. Generally you do this by feeding, walking, grooming etc. BTW, the couple with the dog did have a happy ending - they managed to conceive a daughter.
Urbanchiller 0
Too long did not read.
Levvy 22
I am really, really puzzled why this got at least five thumbs down (maybe more if others have thumbed it up besides me). Do illiterate people just get upset when they think people are expecting them to do too much reading?
screamo_neve 12
At least he didn't say to actually have sex WITH the dog, like that man who was arrested (twice) for having sex with a horse.
leadman1989 16
45 - I saw that report too. I think he actually gave the horse something, how nasty can you get? LMAO.
screamo_neve 12
Well, I don't blame anyone for not ******* him, he'd probably want to bring in the horse for a threesome. EWWW WEIRD IMAGE.
XxDaniEmoxX 0
The image of a guy having sex with a horse won't get out of my head! D:
leadman1989 16
I use to be dominant. Then I took an arrow to the knee.
leadman1989 16
Today my balls got bitten off by my dog FML -boyfriend
pyrt93 4
he probably likes to know someone (yes dogs are people too) is watching and at least it was the dog and not one of his friends
IndigoAcrylic 9
But friends can join in! ;D...and it would be fun (especially if they are hawt) instead of tottally sick and twisted. xD
SpruceDread4578 13
And this...is why I'm losing hope that PEOPLE are going to get smarter. *sigh*