By who knows - 5/2/2020 14:00 - United States - Mankato

Tell me the reason

Today, someone took my phone away. Why? Because I was texting my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

540

You deserved it

3198

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

No one likes a smart-ass

Where are you?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was straightening my hair for my Christmas Eve party. I put the hot straighter down on my bed for a second, and zoned out enough to sit squarely on it a few moments later. I now have burns on my ass cheek, and a six-hour party at which I can't even sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10163

You deserved it

33023

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57586

You deserved it

8908

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46894

You deserved it

8600

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20915

You deserved it

1310

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By viperplay53 - United States

Today, while working at a McDonald's drive-through, some dicks decided to pull a "fire in the hole" prank. Granted, it has been done to me before, this time was different. These pleasant people decided to use hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31280

You deserved it

2575

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By - 6/12/2019 20:00

I'm not blind

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3663

You deserved it

516

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By - 31/12/2020 20:00

Lost again

Today, the boy I like, came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2664

You deserved it

160

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By fml - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12076

You deserved it

1232

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By cougar26 - United States - Pullman

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24924

You deserved it

1480

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By candymansvan17 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44345

You deserved it

3214

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By Carrie - 28/3/2020 02:00

Stuck in the middle with you

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1562

You deserved it

254

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By Instacreep

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2102

You deserved it

4327

Favorite

By bbbbb - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28175

You deserved it

1878

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By kay_jay1819 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16890

You deserved it

33236

Favorite

By DiiiDiiine - France - Limoges

Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34270

You deserved it

3760

Favorite

By apavies444 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19100

You deserved it

44826

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By Anonymous - United States - Ocean Springs

Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32928

You deserved it

4631

Favorite

By Lawrence - United States

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51549

You deserved it

3680

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By AloisTrancy

Corporate logic

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1670

You deserved it

Favorite

By TVKill3r - United States

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36716

You deserved it

2738

Favorite

By Jobless - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said "Ok, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32123

You deserved it

4187

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By shart - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18446

You deserved it

2257

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By Wet Britches - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8587

You deserved it

1547

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By Anonymous - United States - South Bend

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34294

You deserved it

6056

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By LC - United States

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21739

You deserved it

7099

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By emisara93

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3593

You deserved it

427

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By .... - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44954

You deserved it

3706

Favorite

By notnow - United States

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42216

You deserved it

2583

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23858

You deserved it

1587

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33093

You deserved it

5573

Favorite

By pizzafaceinc - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26641

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48510

You deserved it

12121

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43897

You deserved it

3185

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1484

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By stepknee - United States

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34469

You deserved it

2152

Favorite

By homelesslyf - Australia - Clayton

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2329

Phew, glad it wasn't me

381

Favorite

By anon - United States - Atlanta

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long, heartfelt message this morning. Her response? "What do you need? Or is this even really you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13867

You deserved it

2293

Favorite

By Jamie - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49182

You deserved it

13855

Favorite

By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16156

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2221

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3342

You deserved it

235

Favorite

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Top comments

By xica_sp4ever | 18

#7879948 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 14:02

Good, someone has some sense at least. Let the toxicity stay in 2019.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7879965 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 14:58

Well, seems like you clearly weren't supposed to use your phone, so YDI. And why would you text a cheating ex anyways??

COMMENTS

By xica_sp4ever | 18

#7879948 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 14:02

Good, someone has some sense at least. Let the toxicity stay in 2019.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7879965 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 14:58

Well, seems like you clearly weren't supposed to use your phone, so YDI. And why would you text a cheating ex anyways??

By RichardPencil | 28

#7880006 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 17:02

I hope you mean ex-friend.

By zhawk316 | 4

#7880007 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 17:03

Why you texting someone who should be dead to you? Don’t hurt yourself more. You look like a moron and make him laugh.

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7880039 - Wednesday 5 February 2020 19:02

So your FML is that you were stopped from doing something you'll regret?

By lifeis4me | 20

#7880135 - Thursday 6 February 2020 2:27

Was this “someone” a teacher, OP? Seems pretty convenient to leave out.

By Sasswise | 4

#7880284 - Thursday 6 February 2020 17:43

Keep that someone in your life. Those people are healthy.

By Robert Ohlschwager | 1

#7882010 - Wednesday 12 February 2020 23:12

that is a good friend then