Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
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Top comments
Pwn17 25
You're tearing him apart, Lisa!
ischneid101 4
"Oh hi mark!"
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Comments (61)
HSArchon 9
I can hear the boyfriend now. "You're tearIng me apart, OP!"
154rct 7
Anyways, hows your sex life?
ZombieKnickers_fml 8
Oh God, remind me to do that.
evilvagina 9
save those pics for someone that deserves them and responds in a positive way. I personally would be thrilled and spend my day excited about seeing the person who sent them later.
MrFerrovax 4
*****
katie_xoxo3 16
what kind of doggie are you?
cactusdesu 15
Lighten up! It's okay to have a little sense of humor, albeit in a sexy situation.
sprinkesrdelish 5
this is one of the funniest things ever.. sorry op
EvilLittleMan 23
Look on the bright side OP, there's plenty of horn dogs on here that are hornier than a three-peckered-billygoat who will be more than happy to meet you for the weekend.
n00b4liciou5 10
YDI for thinking The Room is a crappy movie. Anyway, how is your sex life?