Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
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Top comments
Haggis300 25
At least she left- she sounds like a pretty horrid person. You deserve better OP :)
notfat14 18
Oh well at least you got to
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Comments (96)
Kurby14 21
don't worry about it. it was your first time and its never 100% perfect like people hope. and she's just a bitch who can get over it. find someone better :)
Blkmoon 17
OP things get better with practice, just shows she wasnt worth it.
v8nick97 11
Hey, at least you got laid.
MrConcise 35
Oh damn, that plot twist was unreal. Best-worded FML in a while.
DanCastellaneta 17
Didn't matter had sex? At least you found out then that she was a dickpuddle than later.
Scryll 17
You already used dickpuddle in a previous comment on a previous fml! I need more original insults that I can steal!
DanCastellaneta 17
Hey, papa Dan was tired here. Don't judge.
LPisLame 16
Just keeps getting worse from here on out. Good luck in life.
Delsanity 13
Cant say someone is the person of your dreams if you don't even know the person. Ydi
DanCastellaneta 17
What he meant is that she looked like the person of his dreams.
CARCA55 12
The sarcasm is strong in this one
chikinscratch00 8
lol that's kind of ****** up.
hyperman585 16
As Lonely Island put it, "Doesn't matter, had sex"! But you do deserve better, OP!