Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ImmaEatYouXx 10
That's a weird sixth sense for a dog to have...
Loserhero 17
Your dog has turned on you
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
Edumcg 24
Is your dog inside your room or outside? that matters.
pwnman 33
I think it'd outside because it states "at my door"
botanistjessica 24
Technically it could be barking at the inside of the door
Edumcg 24
#44 the door has two sides you know.
Lisee92 18
Haha if the dog really is on the inside barking at the door, it's probably saying "let me out!!!"
strongbad1907 5
You're only supposed to put peanut butter if the dog is in the room with you.
BMTHsuperfan 18
maybe you should put the dog outside when you feel like rubbing one out?
Tonasharkman 14
What a Dick move
TXFernwoods 26
Then put him outside?
ekwinoks 5
How the hell does he kno? He probly smells u
HeartForMusic 23
This reminds me of an episode of The Inbetweeners where the exact same thing happened.
ilovemsminaj 13
Maybe be a little quieter?
josh7279 7
I think you need to quiet those grunting sounds down OP.
dancinwookie 21
Maybe the dog thinks he's knocking on wood.
jellybeens_fml 16
Dogs have a sixth sense!!
Sports_guy3 28
This is a bad one.