Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself, so I said that I was fun, attractive, and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year-old sister walked up to me and screamed, "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!" FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered, "Fuck it" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML
Today, I met a blind date from a dating app. He looked nothing like his pictures, but I tried to be polite. I said, “Wow, you look different in person!” He smiled and said, “That’s not me. He’s probably just running late, and I’m just sitting here.” FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
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Top comments
shanemomo 0
Well, if you were lying then good job by your sister. She saved that guy some time.
leagan66 0
Burn by a 7 year old! i hope you werent lying. she was just being bitchy.
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Comments (134)
jackfm5 0
YDI jesus doenst like it when u lie
MelKel 0
It's true, He doesn't. But the date would have found out anyway.
ohhdamn 0
your sisters a **** for snitching, but you're a **** for lying.
jewjewbee 6
Hahahaha Well, I imagine Jesus wouldn't like it if HIS blind date turned out to be a fatty. Your sister's awesome!
rocker8877 0
What a little ****!
pepperburn 0
Well, if your date had a high standard and/or was mean, it might've been worse if he saw you.
F_Y_Comments 0
#2 If she says her sister was talking to someone else, then blind date is still going to say no thank you to the girl with the god fearing family whose chubby (we know what that means) He's had a lucky escape
4440123 0
sucks for u
ohhfudge 0
ditto #1
meeeep 0
OP please ignore these assholes saying your fat when they do not even know you..and you should probably have a little chat with your sis explaining when it's okay to lie, and when it's not. poor kid is probably getting turned into one of those jesus loving freaks