ACAB, Pizza, Cops and Miscellaneous: Response times

Response times

By woahheylex - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 960

You deserved it 5 438

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Same thing different taste

Don't mess with pizza

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 22:34 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 3 093

Crimes against Pizza

By deepblue - 24/01/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 012

You deserved it 3 047

Busted

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 08:00

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 1 322

The Wire

By Anonymous - 27/09/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, I was delivering a pizza but I got the address wrong. When I got to the house, I was surrounded by police and put in handcuffs at the door. Turns out the wrong address I went to resulted in me interfering with some sort of sting operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 171

Relatable

By Anonymous - 28/10/2025 00:00

Today, I ordered pizza for myself. When the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door in pajama pants, messy hair and a face mask. He smiled and said, “Oh, this order says ‘Family Combo Meal.’ Where’s everyone else?” I just said, “They’re busy.” They weren’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 203

Hangry

By Anonymous - 08/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was starving and ordered pizza. They said it would take 30 minutes. When it arrived an hour later, I was so hangry, I didn’t even wait for the delivery guy to leave. I grabbed the pizza box, ripped it open, and immediately dropped it face-down onto the ground. I ended up eating a slice of cold, dirt-covered pizza like a sad, defeated animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 712

Enjoy!

By sad and hungry - 06/06/2015 14:37 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 586

You deserved it 6 602

Thanks!

By Yuri - 29/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 401

Jittery

By ScaredDude - 19/05/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 2 039

What just happened?

By Danny is pissed - 01/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 169

Aim4thebullseye 4

Saturday 25 June 2011 19:47

Shit you got pizza why you mad?

cumverg 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 19:47

The joke is old, grandpa

Comments

peeytonef 0

Monday 27 June 2011 4:01

what was in your basement

doglover339 4

Monday 27 June 2011 5:12

so what were the noises in the basement??

qbstar 0

Monday 27 June 2011 5:38

who the **** cares.

metalguy95 11

Monday 27 June 2011 5:44

only in America

Xolani02 4

Monday 27 June 2011 6:07

First of all, all of these "Only in America" comments are kinda pissing me off. Second what if the pizza place was really close to op's house, and the police station was far away from op's house.

HunterAlpha1 8

Monday 27 June 2011 7:10

i concur on the "only in America" comments. if i recall, police response is even worse in most of the rest of the world than it is in the US.

lunax_fml 14

Friday 22 July 2011 17:08

Going to have to agree with that. I asked my mother once what the equivalent of "911" in her country was. She laughed hysterically for 5 minutes straight at the notion that cops would even bother to come if you called them about an emergency.

RainbowzSkittlez 6

Monday 27 June 2011 7:25

....And you were too scared to take a second and go look in the basement?

flowerchild42 1

Monday 27 June 2011 7:42

the cops have better things to do then check noises in your basement. for all you know they were dealing with a murder. suck it up be a man and get a baseball bat/ gun!!!