Embarrassing and Intimacy: Pleased to see me?

Pleased to see me?

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 787

You deserved it 20 013

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Same thing different taste

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 462

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 029

You deserved it 5 419

By wtf - 16/06/2016 06:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 272

You deserved it 5 895

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 228

You deserved it 26 076

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 952

You deserved it 5 600

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 052

You deserved it 2 085

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 679

You deserved it 17 079

By emilyxoxoxo - 21/03/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 618

You deserved it 37 068

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 348

You deserved it 7 133

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 674

You deserved it 3 093

HeyImPayton 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:59

"don't worry, it's just a pen"

morgan69_fml 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:57

Hahaha, that must've been awkward...

Comments

jePomme 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:22

That would suck.

DynamicDave 11

Saturday 29 October 2011 10:37

Bet OP wishes his friend would!

upyourzlolz 11

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:22

Lap dance rape? That's new.

bizarre_ftw 21

Saturday 29 October 2011 23:58

No, no it's not.....

rainbowbigbird 7

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:25

Hmmmmm... Maybe it's time to see you can be more than friends now...? She knows how you feel ;)

sailorfreak_fml 4

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:26

you WANTED to put her in your KNEES but we all know you wanted her to FEEL your DICK instead ;3

leadman1989 15

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:35

Don't worry I hear people are really fond of boners!

rainbowbigbird 7

Saturday 29 October 2011 19:40

A hard man is good to find.

leadman1989 15

Saturday 29 October 2011 22:45

Yep I'm using that one... A LOT

theressarina 2

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:38

I wanted to put YDI, but I'm not sure you've actually deserved a little bit if a lapdance.

pppooppp 5

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:41

Me gusta

patzz12 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:43

What happened!?!?!? It's fate

CrazyManNo9 29

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:49

FTW?

DeeG12 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 5:49

Good ice breaker ;)

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 14 837

You deserved it 30 760

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 260

You deserved it 14 934

The Top

Today, I got my period. I was going to have my first threesome tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 487

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 11 303

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 683

You deserved it 2 542

Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 5 180

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 459

You deserved it 3 832

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 462

You deserved it 648