Embarrassing and Intimacy: Pleased to see me?

Pleased to see me?

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 787

You deserved it 20 013

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 462

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 029

You deserved it 5 419

By wtf - 16/06/2016 06:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 272

You deserved it 5 895

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 228

You deserved it 26 076

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 952

You deserved it 5 600

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 052

You deserved it 2 085

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 679

You deserved it 17 079

By emilyxoxoxo - 21/03/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 618

You deserved it 37 068

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 348

You deserved it 7 133

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 674

You deserved it 3 093

HeyImPayton 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:59

"don't worry, it's just a pen"

morgan69_fml 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 4:57

Hahaha, that must've been awkward...

Comments

Xxchasea12xX 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 23:21

Ha ha awkward

Xxchasea12xX 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 23:25

BAM RIGHT IN THE STIFFY!!!

Fsqu4red 5

Saturday 29 October 2011 23:31

Did she break it??

bizarre_ftw 21

Saturday 29 October 2011 23:49

I'm sure she got the point (wow, I think that's my first intentional pun)

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 30 October 2011 0:25

Winner.

bladomas 2

Sunday 30 October 2011 0:31

then you got an even bigger boner

lovely20 4

Sunday 30 October 2011 0:35

Aww u wana do ur friend!

bubo_fml 10

Sunday 30 October 2011 0:43

Funny, everytime I tease my girlfriend w/ my dick, she thinks it's my knee...

UnluckyDude96 8

Sunday 30 October 2011 1:07

Nice move bro

konstantinos616 17

Sunday 30 October 2011 2:31

why did you have a boner in the first place? O.o

Keywords

Annoying Gamers Video games Kids Money Birthday Cute Weird Awkward Love Health Abuse Relatable Social Media Scams School Education Parents Teenagers Anger issues Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, after getting ghosted by a company for a job I really wanted, I posted on LinkedIn, venting my frustration with companies not having the decency to send rejection letters. My current boss, who didn't know I was job hunting, saw it, and let me know I'm now on the shit list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 915

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 131

You deserved it 5 932

The Top

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 081

You deserved it 4 549

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 763

You deserved it 6 447

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 709

You deserved it 22 407

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 941

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 282

You deserved it 4 361

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 812

You deserved it 14 448