Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burglarized. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML
Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML
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Top comments
emer_helena 0
It's your sister, you shouldn't need to search for something to say. You should just argue about the first thing that comes to mind like most siblings!
greendaygirl999 5
Burgled?
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Comments (130)
SeventhFonons 0
I LOVE YOU. Man, sounds like something I would do...
ohdamn_fml 2
Whut?
Blardo 0
Kill yourself.
peanut_dog 0
You need a real life.
sweet92_fml 0
hahaha hilarious. can't wait for the finale tonight!
Yeh_Right 0
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
mcsnelly 5
um #51, if you don't have anything new to say, why are you posting a comment? Your comment was literally the exact same thing as #4's, so, unless you are just referring to what was said in it to agree and add some other comment of your own or are arguing against it, #4's comment does not need to be re-posted. OP: Love Desperate Housewives, but you really need to differentiate between real-life and TV. #29--So you have to resort to lying and greatly exaggerating stories to seem interesting? I'm pretty sure that's a good way to get caught in your web of lies and end up with people thinking you are a lying jackass rather than just thinking you're boring.
suhmanthe 0
btw, Bree burglarized her own house dummy!
whoaalexgoalex 0
Omg lol I love that show... never missed an episode. But actually, Bree was divorcing Orson and, in order for her to not have to give him half of her buisness, she faked a robbery. Her and her laywer did it themselves. But that is so funny lol
ladedum 0
LOLOLOL is burgled the right way to say it? idk why that made me laugh so bad. sounds like gurgled.