By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 06:00

On Target, almost

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

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Proactive

In my day…

Night terrors

By Airhead - 6/11/2009 19:48 - Canada

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

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By NotAsGoodAsATruck - 3/6/2018 14:30 - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

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4017

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548

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By D.J. - 25/1/2014 01:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

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40776

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By Cherie - 9/12/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

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34185

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2436

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

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5099

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By me - 4/11/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

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19667

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By Jacobro - 26/1/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

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20807

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By neta_1996 - 3/1/2014 02:06 - United States - Mabelvale

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 05:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00am. FML

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22918

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By confusedcatlover - 6/4/2013 11:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

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By anon - 24/3/2012 03:51 - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

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24815

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By SKuser - 19/5/2009 08:09 - China

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2011 08:35 - Malaysia

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

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By hadtocleanthemess - 28/6/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

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By Messiahman - 30/10/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

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By awkward - 26/7/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

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By jacquelle - 25/2/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2018 01:30

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

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By buhknee - 25/11/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

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76414

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By LaughingFML - 1/6/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

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8818

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2017 19:00 - United States - Spearfish

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

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By Ana - 14/8/2018 01:30

Today, while fighting with a girl I hate, my nose piercing got a little loose and I ended up snorting it in. That same girl had to take me to the hospital for surgery. She told everyone afterwards. FML

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2028

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2012 14:25 - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

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By Wounded_irony - 5/12/2017 05:00

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

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3800

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By not_very_smart - 24/7/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

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47565

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By feeling fed up - 25/4/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

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4672

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By his word vs mine = me suspended - 10/8/2013 18:41 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 14:51 - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

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31299

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By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

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7083

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By sydcaller618 - 24/11/2015 03:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

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23820

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By gotthewrongman - 17/12/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

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34393

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By justanaccount - 27/2/2009 19:35 - Spain

Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML

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108345

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11994

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By IdiotNursingStudent - 22/9/2014 02:12 - United States - Belton

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

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33543

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

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40689

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By owngoalscored - 22/9/2018 22:00

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

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3514

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By Farterella - 2/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

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11633

You deserved it

1521

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

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24228

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By LoveStinks - 18/8/2016 10:56

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

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16100

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By kelizabeth - 5/8/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

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By Apparentlycreepy - 3/3/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected by two different guys. One was my ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to keep our friendship, and the other was a guy I went on a date with who faked a European accent the whole time during our date despite him being born and raised in Texas. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7846219 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 7:35

How many of you were drunk and/or high?

This hot girl with a very large boyfriend confuses him for a wimpy girly-man? I'm not buying it.

By Iamthebanzai22 | 18

#7846204 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 6:26

Can you imagine the fight they are having right now? Damn!

COMMENTS

By Iamthebanzai22 | 18

#7846204 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 6:26

Can you imagine the fight they are having right now? Damn!

By MidnaLink | 32

#7846210 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 6:44

I’m just really hoping he didn’t take any of this out on you…
Oh who am I kidding, I’m surprised he let you live to write this.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7846219 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 7:35

How many of you were drunk and/or high?

This hot girl with a very large boyfriend confuses him for a wimpy girly-man? I'm not buying it.

By jac_1964_au | 23

#7846267 - Wednesday 25 September 2019 11:24

They are probably playing a stupid bullying game , she kisses you and gets busted by angry BF to watch you run for your life so they get to laugh ,

By Smgreene | 15

#7846420 - Thursday 26 September 2019 0:40

Yeah it was on purpose. To either see your reaction or her boyfriends. There is no such thing as oops my tongue slipped.

By Zanquis | 22

#7846506 - Thursday 26 September 2019 12:31

This is definitely a deliberate action. Either a prank, or just a thing they do so he can prove his manliness to her, or a something she does to make him jealous.

Either way you where just a pawn used by her.
You should sue/file complaints against her. Because honestly if this was reversed and a guy would just pull a girl aside and start kissing her, he would rightly be put in the back of a police car.

Playing such games on anyone is bad period.