Weird and Intimacy: OK then…

OK then…

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 267

You deserved it 3 544

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 991

You deserved it 9 875

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 133

You deserved it 11 979

By Yoshi - 31/01/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 196

You deserved it 6 488

Self-sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 866

You deserved it 12 814

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 676

You deserved it 9 280

Confuddled

By yosenfal - 28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 931

You deserved it 4 075

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 076

You deserved it 73 882

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 948

You deserved it 6 448

By Noname - 19/02/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 999

You deserved it 14 123

Anticlimax

By Deidle-dee - 26/10/2010 16:37 - United States

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 975

You deserved it 4 695

matineesuxxx 1

Tuesday 29 December 2009 20:40

he went to the library to learn where to put his little guy

sparkey0127 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 12:21

that sucks. I think he's afraid of your ******

Comments

jakeidk 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 18:49

oh god I can't imagine how bad that would suck

moemoeKYUNN 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 19:21

:P that's gay

matineesuxxx 1

Tuesday 29 December 2009 20:40

he went to the library to learn where to put his little guy

mtc4ever 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 6:53

lol and wtf

Neris20 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 7:52

that sucks bad. if u need a replacement dont b afraid to ask. damn he sucks

theman34 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 8:57

no dick for u

boreddoubletears 0

Monday 22 March 2010 3:01

Was this a Seinfeld reference? I hope so...

felicia13 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:52

i wouldnt bail on u

grampa_pubes666 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:10

hahhhhahaaal lmfao fml he must have forgotten a book don't worry he thinks your kool!

somethingnew319 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 4:14

wht kinda guy goes to tha library n at tht time shit maybe he didn't kno how it wrks so he went to read about wht to do next

heyitsbrii 0

Friday 1 January 2010 22:33

yea uhm sory hun hes gay

Keywords

Names Music Kids Customers Work Bodyshaming Coworkers Awkward Money Roommate Landlords Parents Allergies Dogs AITA Embarrassing Neighbours Cute Singing Ironic Health Accident Animals Cats Love Airport Cheating Intimacy Sex Relationship advice

The Top

Today, I confronted my ex-employer about the money he owes me. He'd said he would pay me $3000. He asked me if I had it in writing. I said no. He said, “Well, too bad for you. No leg to stand on.” Then, in a cringey Indian accent, “Thank you, come again!” and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 99

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 336

You deserved it 15 970

The Top

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 940

You deserved it 63 753

I agree, your life sucks 43 991

You deserved it 9 875

Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 617

You deserved it 2 104

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 927

You deserved it 1 394

Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to self: never again let my boyfriend make one of his fantasies come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 139

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 499

You deserved it 24 703