Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, the smoke alarm went off while I was in the shower. Fearing a house fire, I jumped out and ran out, wearing just a tiny towel that barely covered my modesty, only to realize that water was coming through the ceiling and on to the smoke alarm, via a leak in the shower tray. FML
Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML
Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML
Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML
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Top comments
kingwaldo 0
Looks like someone had a shitty day.
saranottelling 7
I can already see almost every comments, "Why does your kid have access to your wallet and the toaster? YDI!!!!!111." Meanwhile, the OP's kid, a 35 year old, is eating Pop Tarts and playing Tetris inthe basement. He's thinking on doing something with his girlfriend later, Bertha. Bertha is a blow-up doll. He hides his parents medications so they can't kick him out. He also starves them by eating all the food they have. OP, f your life indeed.
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Comments (183)
jaiwvee 0
this made me literally lol the first time I read it. such a fml...
skittles88 0
ahahahahahhahaaa I'm so sorry but all I can do was laugh:)))
iRichiq 3
make him eat it!
DinoJr99 0
thats the new kind of toast... leather toast
xJordieeBearhhx 0
I lol'd :)
younglink2528 0
kid musta said " thats a wierd looking pop-tart "
krazy4you 0
wow wonder what ur child would say.... my mom crapped on herself
sexynarwhal 6
this FML had everything!
littledancer55 1
Lol I laughed forever But YDI for leaving ur kid alone