Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
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Top comments
Bonzer 2
"Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work..." YDI.
DocBastard 40
First you misspell "definitely", then you use "sneek", and then you go with "snook"? Really?? That's...I just...you... Can I just slap you?
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Comments (161)
JJ_Rokk 10
That's freakin nasty dude haha. Feel bad for you.
babbott13 3
Hey.. Those nights happen to the best of us! Don't feel too bad. :p
abbynoelle 1
Wtf is wrong with you
kayliers 5
You should have just stayed at work.
sarahannewrap 7
I'm sure that milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard
Shade1982 21
Negative. No bacon...
jameslocklar 2
Sounds like a great day
science_nerd 5
Gotta love the Irish
science_nerd 5
Gotta love the Irish
science_nerd 5
Gotta love the Irish
jarmezzz 2
Lol that is awesome. You are an inspiration to us all.