By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Mystery message service

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of with, whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

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Instadrama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19229

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6620

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By Dr.Octopus454 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31049

You deserved it

3607

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By SadDad - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72139

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4333

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

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42353

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4637

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By shrutisoma - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13221

You deserved it

1276

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By AtheistLookingforRoomie

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6194

You deserved it

1473

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By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51250

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4047

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By fastfoodslave - United States - Northampton

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40716

You deserved it

6796

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55261

You deserved it

2618

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34070

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3217

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By LD619 - United States

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14558

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44442

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By Mary Kathryn - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27131

You deserved it

6539

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By aineroo - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33571

You deserved it

3892

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By no she wasn't high - United States - Garland

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47785

You deserved it

5863

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

You tried

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

You deserved it

624

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By hlev24 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17111

You deserved it

109744

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By RIP - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29580

You deserved it

1806

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By moutz - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38268

You deserved it

15299

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Showtime

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

270

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By Anonymous

I don't care

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

656

You deserved it

5081

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By lonely - United States

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40523

You deserved it

20485

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By artsmart1 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28255

You deserved it

2914

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By Okay - United States

Today, my sister had her first kiss. She was very excited and she told me all about it. She then asked me to tell her about the first time I kissed a guy, what it was like, who it was with, etc. I had to make one up. I have never been kissed before. My sister is 6 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39680

You deserved it

6097

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By Peter

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4857

You deserved it

309

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28685

You deserved it

1766

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By larvagirl23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

95593

You deserved it

5290

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By PlzSendBlankets - United States

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12718

You deserved it

938

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18903

You deserved it

10302

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Warrior

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30362

You deserved it

3270

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28125

You deserved it

4973

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By synyster505 - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13827

You deserved it

36504

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10401

You deserved it

45845

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By gingerbread - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1950

You deserved it

3595

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30551

You deserved it

2925

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By giantcuntflaps - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36356

You deserved it

6806

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By Flighted - Canada - Georgetown

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36526

You deserved it

3031

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrence

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16429

You deserved it

28423

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By DogStew

Pumped-up Tanks

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

596

You deserved it

1773

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By no I've never asked for anal - United States - Buffalo

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks

30601

You deserved it

3706

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By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25915

You deserved it

14077

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Top comments

By Ambrily | 27

#7954353 - Wednesday 25 November 2020 20:05

Are you sure your kid opened the message, OP? Talk to your boyfriend about it, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's nothing shady.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7954401 - Thursday 26 November 2020 2:31

Your kid is going to be a natural hacker.

Something fishy is going on. It's not right that he's talking daily to someone for two years that you don't know.

COMMENTS

By Ambrily | 27

#7954353 - Wednesday 25 November 2020 20:05

Are you sure your kid opened the message, OP? Talk to your boyfriend about it, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's nothing shady.

baby.momma2 | 10

#7954381 - Wednesday 25 November 2020 22:27

it was "i wish" with the in love emoji. i wasn't aware you can't use emojis in fmls. and yeah my kid was watching YouTube and clicked the notification.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7954401 - Thursday 26 November 2020 2:31

Your kid is going to be a natural hacker.

Something fishy is going on. It's not right that he's talking daily to someone for two years that you don't know.

By diraven | 14

#7954410 - Thursday 26 November 2020 4:05

Does your boyfriend live in a lamp?

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7954413 - Thursday 26 November 2020 6:11

Clever of you to blame your kid for opening it.

By MeOhMy23 | 4

#7954558 - Thursday 26 November 2020 20:30

woodchipper🤷‍♀️