Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought my cat a catnip-filled toy that's shaped like a fish. He pounced on it, wrestled with it, and then got so scared of it for no reason that he dashed full speed into the wall. FML
Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML
Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML
Today, I bought a huge 1kg bag of catnip and told the delivery driver to just leave the package inside the door. They then left me a soft plastic bag full of catnip. Guess who came home to two stoned cats and a messed up house… FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML
Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML
Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Cat crack. What did you expect?
PleasantDino 22
Whenever my cat gets ahold of catnip he makes love to everything he sees.. I think he has a problem
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Comments (43)
ThePols 11
Ontario?! Whaaaaaaaaaaat!
iLike2Teabag 27
Never heard of Ontario before? It's home to that one city with the crack-addict mayor, and now OP's catnip-addict cat.
patwo8 14
Cats these days man
nreed32 20
Catnip. NOT. EVEN. ONCE.
melooters 11
Wish my cat spazzed out to catnip but she just smells it and walks away
Norja 33
Sounds like kitty is one step away from mugging someone for his next fix.
FFDP 5
You need to sit your cat down and have a long talk about its addiction
GirasolNegro 22
Put the toy in a container, then in the cupboard , maybe then your cat won't be able to smell it
lennon_ 16
Time for an intervention.
ohSNAPyall 27
I like to think that the "nip" refers to a nip of gin.
Ichiya 29
It could be made of ground dried cat nipples or am I just weird?