Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML
Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when another dog barked at him. My dog ran, pulling me with him. I fell to the ground in pain, with my hand still holding the leash. FML
Today, I entered my neighbors’ yard around a shorter corner than usual. Their old dog is getting a bit slow, but unfortunately only in her head: By the time she recognized me as harmless, she had already run up and bitten me. FML
Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
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Top comments
hunny_kat 0
You should have kicked her in the kidneys and then apologized and told her that she looked a lot like another old woman who had previously hit you with her cane for no reason.
survivalism 0
That crap is annoying. Take the cane and throw it next time.
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Comments (112)
Colby_Colbert 0
#11 beat me 2 it
Guyoverhere 0
I'd snap her cane
Phallus_fml 0
Yeah, dognapping is a crime. Never do it again.
DamienTheRabbit 0
Geez, I always read stories about violent elderly people! When you get older, do you suddenly have the innate desire to beat the sh*t out of people?
kukopia 0
You need a bigger dog that's trained to protect you.
LebChickOnFira 0
old ppl are crazy lol
happygoluckyhh 0
You mean DOGnapped. Haha. I know that's not funny...or punny! Haha...no? I made another pun.
wasitfinaldest 0
old people strike again. PLEASE if you see her snap her cane in half kick her in the shin and run. this FML would be complete with: "I'm a guy" after saying that she thought u were the woman that stole dog. Stupid bitch i hate old ppl
dogsickftl 0
Take her cane and beat her with it. Tell her she looked like the pile of shit your dog left on the floor this morning.
hahaha6 0
NO.....