By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 23:02 - United States - Merrimack Bye, dipshit Today, my husband told me he no longer loves me and is moving out. It's also our 13th wedding anniversary. FML I agree, your life sucks 1012 You deserved it 220 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By datgurllllukno - United States Food for thought Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML I agree, your life sucks 42127 You deserved it 5942 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stuby14 - United States - Brookings Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML I agree, your life sucks 27168 You deserved it 5741 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 49197 You deserved it 4786 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Disproportionate Bent Today, I noticed that the glasses I got this week seemed off balance. A further inspection showed that one of my ears is bigger than the other. Through even further inspection, my family concluded that the entire right side of my body is higher than my left. FML I agree, your life sucks 1437 You deserved it 146 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see Hamilton. My friend kept complaining and asking very loudly why it was "just about that one guy". We got kicked out. FML I agree, your life sucks 3701 You deserved it 426 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By he’s just terrible at it! Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML I agree, your life sucks 3862 You deserved it 397 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 5p4571k - Canada - Chilliwack Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML I agree, your life sucks 46878 You deserved it 7551 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teef - Canada Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 64578 You deserved it 4550 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By -.- - United Kingdom - Epsom Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML I agree, your life sucks 45185 You deserved it 5191 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SeagullsShouldDie - United States Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML I agree, your life sucks 34061 You deserved it 3360 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By superjstorm - Philippines Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML I agree, your life sucks 33832 You deserved it 9663 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Rapids Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML I agree, your life sucks 31333 You deserved it 3231 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WorstMedicalBill - United States Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML I agree, your life sucks 11115 You deserved it 21713 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jerdub93 - United States Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 18070 You deserved it 28265 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/3/2021 07:59 Grateful Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML I agree, your life sucks 1062 You deserved it 159 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kilania Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML I agree, your life sucks 1643 You deserved it 592 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hungry - United States Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML I agree, your life sucks 35649 You deserved it 3979 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nalya - France Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML I agree, your life sucks 20794 You deserved it 6390 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Toolate Today, after having gone off the pill a couple of weeks ago, I finally got my old friskiness back only to find part of a condom wrapper in my husband's pocket. Turns out he was impatient and went elsewhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 13523 You deserved it 1315 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MICHAELTHEA - United States Today, I was walking on the beach when I tripped. I was about to land on a kid's sandcastle, so I tried to dodge by leaning left to avoid it. Before I hit the ground, I noticed the many rocks I was heading for. FML I agree, your life sucks 32501 You deserved it 4330 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PeedMom - United States - Cedar Bluff Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML I agree, your life sucks 3936 You deserved it 1785 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rofindie - United States - Forest Hills Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML I agree, your life sucks 25035 You deserved it 2677 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HistoryHasEyes - 4/9/2020 23:01 That makes sense Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1280 You deserved it 94 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Paul - United States Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML I agree, your life sucks 53929 You deserved it 2597 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Broken - United States - Billerica Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML I agree, your life sucks 21417 You deserved it 1772 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wainuiomata My new house Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML I agree, your life sucks 36342 You deserved it 13447 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By preggo eggo MAKE UP YOUR MIND Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 4033 You deserved it 504 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad karma - United States Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML I agree, your life sucks 11604 You deserved it 46131 230 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Disappointed - Canada - Niagara Falls Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML I agree, your life sucks 14098 You deserved it 2685 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bryce Very fishy Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1552 You deserved it 211 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By well i'm fucked - United States - Aberdeen Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML I agree, your life sucks 61048 You deserved it 6828 270 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cantswim - United States Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 56472 You deserved it 9947 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML I agree, your life sucks 26787 You deserved it 9952 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poorgirl - United States Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML I agree, your life sucks 66096 You deserved it 3406 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By minnEmouse - United States Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML I agree, your life sucks 40305 You deserved it 3231 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ellen - United States Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 7235 You deserved it 30136 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anna - United States - Hattiesburg Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML I agree, your life sucks 47288 You deserved it 9702 220 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By homedoggieo - United States Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML I agree, your life sucks 63730 You deserved it 4015 266 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Katrin - Norway Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML I agree, your life sucks 33465 You deserved it 3472 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rae - United States Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML I agree, your life sucks 54184 You deserved it 2791 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I re-started the Grindr app several times because I wasn’t receiving notifications. Turns out it wasn’t malfunctioning, it was just that I didn’t... I agree, your life sucks 462 You deserved it 200 1 Comments
Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML I agree, your life sucks 706 You deserved it 219 3 Comments
