By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 23:02 - United States - Merrimack Bye, dipshit Today, my husband told me he no longer loves me and is moving out. It's also our 13th wedding anniversary. FML I agree, your life sucks 1001 You deserved it 220 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MoreActionThanMe - United States Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML I agree, your life sucks 27857 You deserved it 2799 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sgt_Jackrum - United Kingdom - Oldbury Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML I agree, your life sucks 24157 You deserved it 2362 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lily Cakes - United States - Clarksville Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1395 You deserved it 4663 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 07:01 - United States - Fort Worth UTI Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 856 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML I agree, your life sucks 1703 You deserved it 372 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By The Lone Ranger - United States Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML I agree, your life sucks 33073 You deserved it 2822 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By uneek14 - Canada Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML I agree, your life sucks 30739 You deserved it 84448 272 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drug testing - United States - Little Chute Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML I agree, your life sucks 43045 You deserved it 15242 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JTinNJ - United States - Parsippany Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML I agree, your life sucks 13498 You deserved it 3031 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ryan McArdle - 25/1/2021 10:58 What did I do? Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML I agree, your life sucks 536 You deserved it 71 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML I agree, your life sucks 49847 You deserved it 3579 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Poopalipa - United States Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML I agree, your life sucks 24792 You deserved it 3272 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RIP - United States Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML I agree, your life sucks 12372 You deserved it 28314 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lara - Italy - Empoli Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML I agree, your life sucks 27715 You deserved it 2187 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML I agree, your life sucks 26942 You deserved it 2264 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - France - Poissy Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML I agree, your life sucks 43070 You deserved it 3786 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML I agree, your life sucks 36634 You deserved it 13464 294 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/6/2020 14:02 Always wear protective gear Today, while nailing a board down, I hit my thumb with the hammer. As I reached to console my throbbing finger, I dropped the hammer on my foot. When I went down to hold my foot, I smacked my head on the board. Now I've got a concussion, a smashed finger, and a bruised foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 1493 You deserved it 590 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Bliss Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML I agree, your life sucks 30889 You deserved it 3382 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sometingwong - United States Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML I agree, your life sucks 60142 You deserved it 3417 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Baulkham Hills Family Fortunes Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1648 You deserved it 93 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML I agree, your life sucks 43632 You deserved it 3472 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Upper Darby Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML I agree, your life sucks 35088 You deserved it 44129 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grossed out - United States Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML I agree, your life sucks 42253 You deserved it 7229 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 14:00 Oh gosh Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML I agree, your life sucks 1329 You deserved it 639 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Spencer Chan Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML I agree, your life sucks 4368 You deserved it 550 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By impickingyourhomegran - United Kingdom - London Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML I agree, your life sucks 29523 You deserved it 1894 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Becky - United Kingdom - Dorchester Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML I agree, your life sucks 28836 You deserved it 2368 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Twiddle - Canada Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML I agree, your life sucks 41584 You deserved it 2899 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 41566 You deserved it 4773 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DeepFriedLettuce - United States - Vashon Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML I agree, your life sucks 13357 You deserved it 1503 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML I agree, your life sucks 50218 You deserved it 6254 301 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By la poisse - France Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML I agree, your life sucks 34925 You deserved it 3489 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blondie - United States Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML I agree, your life sucks 9644 You deserved it 40955 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By YAABOIII - United States Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 61090 You deserved it 8780 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Casey - United States Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML I agree, your life sucks 28835 You deserved it 4880 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By my teeth! - 24/7/2020 14:07 Like riding a bike Today, my sister and I were trying to teach our kids how to Double Dutch. While giving a demonstration of how to jump in while the ropes were turning, my feet got jumbled. I ended up faceplanting in front of all the kids, who screamed in horror at my bloodied face and missing tooth. FML I agree, your life sucks 1302 You deserved it 328 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Redding Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML I agree, your life sucks 20944 You deserved it 1542 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By P DarklyKira - 18/5/2020 23:00 Bunged up Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1582 You deserved it 149 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By busybee - United States Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML I agree, your life sucks 65573 You deserved it 5809 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea.... I agree, your life sucks 782 You deserved it 114 8 Comments
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s... I agree, your life sucks 516 You deserved it 410 6 Comments
