Sex and TV shows: Booty non-call - FML

Booty non-call

By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Spicy

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

agreeclassic 1 795

vote type 1 270

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By MisterSeth - 17/06/2009 01:44 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

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Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

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By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

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By unluckylassy - 28/11/2013 00:01 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By lovely - 19/12/2011 06:43 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

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Don't you want me baby?

By Ugh - 05/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Spicy

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

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Classic

By Singleagain - 10/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

jfigley 5

Tuesday 15 December 2020 14:22

Is your girl a teenager or a woman? Thats pathetic..... she needs to grow up....

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 15 December 2020 16:20

Just be patient. Your girl sounds like she's crazy. The crazy ones are the wildest in the sack!

Comments

jfigley 5

Tuesday 15 December 2020 14:22

Is your girl a teenager or a woman? Thats pathetic..... she needs to grow up....

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 15 December 2020 16:20

Just be patient. Your girl sounds like she's crazy. The crazy ones are the wildest in the sack!

Marcella1016 31

Tuesday 15 December 2020 16:30

I can vouch for that hahaha Well, not 100% of the time. Sometimes the voices can be too distracting.

Bubbilility 27

Thursday 17 December 2020 17:45

That must be a really well written show. I know that the Expanse season 1 made me cry. My partner knew it would when he showed me it tho, so he had hot chocolate and a cookie for me. Which was sweet.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

agreeclassic 25 037

vote type 1 2 636

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

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Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

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Today, I ran into my former therapist. Still confused by her last email, I asked what she needed to "protect herself" from. She said she needed to protect herself from feeling sad and worrying that I'd get beaten up. I'm afraid I now understand why this country is so messed up. FML

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Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

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Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML

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