By wellokthen - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

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Commando

Tidy your room

Freak out

By Lisa - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

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By anon_smh - United States - Bozeman

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

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By tukker - Canada

Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML

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By Is_This_Real - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I hooked up with a friend. I expressed an interest in it becoming something more. He expressed an interest in not telling anyone and pretending it never happened. FML

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By Anonymous

The Taste of Love

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

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By AnonymousLoser - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

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By anon - Canada - Calgary

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

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By karen

I'm a meme

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

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By ow - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

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By Emma - 17/3/2021 22:59

The heat is on

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

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By stubble - Canada

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

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By segal1010 - United States - Potomac

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend sent me some nudes while I was at work, so I went into the bathroom to rub one out. When I was done, I realized there was no paper towels... or toilet paper... or soap... I'm really sticky right now. FML

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By ohforchristssake - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy I recognized from one of my classes messaged me on a dating site. He wanted help with homework. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

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By sheyshey0413 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

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By explosiveBAM - United States

Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

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By Oblivious - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

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By Drunken Sailor - United States

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

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By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - United States - Houston

Eat the rich

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

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By Keegan O - 16/3/2021 05:01

Ouch

Today, I was cleaning out the crawlspace and set a mousetrap off with my testicles. FML

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By Well, shit - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

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By tequilashot - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

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By sickly - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

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By agentile - United States

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a v-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year old grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

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By no love - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

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Top comments

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7862377 - Tuesday 26 November 2019 18:28

Dump the boyfriend and throw away the whole bed. Get a new one that one's tainted now.

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7862387 - Tuesday 26 November 2019 20:20

Send it to him and ask what he thinks.

COMMENTS

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7862377 - Tuesday 26 November 2019 18:28

Dump the boyfriend and throw away the whole bed. Get a new one that one's tainted now.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7862384 - Tuesday 26 November 2019 19:26

How rude! I hope they gave you a production credit!

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7862387 - Tuesday 26 November 2019 20:20

Send it to him and ask what he thinks.

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7862628 - Wednesday 27 November 2019 16:06

did you dump him in the vomments

By bloopaloop | 27

#7862930 - Thursday 28 November 2019 23:26

Was it hot?

By J15237 | 25

#7864445 - Thursday 5 December 2019 4:00

You mean the guy in it was your ex boyfriend and your former bed.

By Sgt.floppyweiner | 2

#7916452 - Thursday 25 June 2020 20:33

whats the link