Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML
Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML
Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML
Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML
Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I helped a 6 year-old boy who was left alone at a store to get back home. The kid's parents were grateful, but my mother cussed me out and called me stupid for helping the kid. No good dead goes unpunished. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Spanking. That is all.
FirstBornUnicorn 0
Good. Now your son has you on a leash.
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Comments (71)
rnbz 0
you should beat the shit out if him then say call the cops that mommy beat the **** outa you.
MyFirstKiss 0
um,as funny as that sounds but lets not and say we did on that one
mg211 0
Ha some one needs to be taught a lesson
MyFirstKiss 0
well never do that again.who knows what the helll he will do nxt time
XhugzX 0
if hes smart enough to call the cops how come he didnt just get himself a snack?
aliaysleighbasic 0
yes. finally. there is always cereal or something. geesh.
hghiPigh 0
ydi! feed your offspring
elmorous 0
Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!
aback 5
Brussels sprouts and liver for supper!
aliaysleighbasic 0
ahahahaha. totally my thoughts. and for the rest of the week too.
ThePhantomGamer 20
One reason I'm glad I got a vasectomy.
jocelyng_fml 0
I once called the cops when I was five cus I was mimicking my sister... she was only joking about calling them and I wasn't
TheZarola 10
Your kid's got good traits. Already he's telling women to get in the kitchen and make him a sammich. YDI. Get off your lazy ass; it's your job to feed your kid.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
One can only hope you hate the idea of one day managing to lose your virginity. Because if you think you'll ever get laid being such a little douche, you're seriously deluding yourself. :)
B0nb0N09 12
I call small penis