Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 20:40

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. My dad came upstairs and told her to shut up and locked the basement door. She then got pissed and threw a hot plate of stove top and apple sauce all over me, locked herself in her room and made me clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By keeveywee - 15/05/2009 20:39

Today, I met my daughters teacher in a supermarket carpark, as I locked the car door, I realized I had no pockets, so I jammed my phone into the waistband of my trousers. Needless to say she seemed very surprised to hear Bowie singing from my visibly vibrating crotch..it was a wrong number too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By quadfather17 - 15/05/2009 20:25

Today, i was at work playing with my new I Phone. i was in the i pod part and clicked a song i wanted to hear. as i was getting my headphones the song started to play. there were at least 6 curses in the beginning of the song. apparently you don't need headphones and the whole office heard it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fmlasaphaha - 15/05/2009 20:25

Today, during gym we were playing baseball. As I was running to first base, kids were screaming. I thought it was to someone else. As I ran, I slipped and fell on my face. They were trying to warn me. I have gym first period. I had to go through the whole rest of the day drenched in mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By familyaffair - 15/05/2009 20:22

Today, my family won an award for most dependable and trustworthy for our town. 3 hours later i found out my 14 year old daughter is pregnant, my 17 year old son is an avid drug dealer and my husband of 25 years is having an affair. I wonder what will happen to that award. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 20:21

Today I was in a rush. And I was constipated. I pushed as hard as I could and went on with my day. Apparently constipation + rushing = aneurysm...which affected my ability to speak English. At all. I couldn't tell my mom I was okay until 2 hours later when I was already in the E.R. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By adfasdfsdf - 15/05/2009 20:21

Today, I found out that a little more than half of my 3rd period 12th grade English class were not virgins. Jokingly, they asked me when I had first "done it". I'm still a virgin. And their teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By funktom - 15/05/2009 20:21

After dating my girlfriend for 8 months I was then ready to tell my parents. My parents then insisted that they should go introduced themselves to her parents. When we drove up to the drive way of my girlfriend's house, my dad laughed. Then said, "This is your uncle's house!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By Ano - 15/05/2009 20:21

Today, My teacher handed back our Ancient Civilizations tests. When I went home and told my mom, she hugged me, told me how proud she was. She then proceeded to take me to get an ice cream. I got a 62%. That's the highest I have scored in that class all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 20:19

Today, I started my new job at a PR firm. I wanted to look really nice and professional. I wore my favorite black dress pants and a blouse. When I got home after work, I noticed that there was a big hole in the crotch of my pants-the hole I forgot to sew up last week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dandd - 15/05/2009 20:16

Today, I told my cousin I've never heard a phrase he used before. He replied with "You've never heard anything before". I'm deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By SheSezItYeah - 15/05/2009 19:55

Today, I got back to work after calling in sick yesterday. I logged on to my computer and laughed at seeing a raunchy AIM conversation I had had with a coworker. My laughter quickly turned to panic remembering that while I was out I had given my boss my password to get a file from my desktop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 3

By clumsyV - 15/05/2009 19:13

Today, I got to a movie after it had already started. It was full and pitch black. I felt around and sat in what I thought was an empty seat. It wasn't. I sat on a 5 year old kid who procedeed to bawl his eyes out. As I jumped up, I tripped, fell and punched his mom in the stomach on my way down FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By EvenIfItKillsMe - 14/05/2009 00:47

Today, I was at McDonald's with some of my friends. A mentally challenged black teenage boy came in, and proceeded to hit on me by pointing and saying loudly, "I like that one." His mother showed up from behind him and I thought that she would steer him away. I was wrong. She encouraged him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By your_mother - 13/05/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 619

You deserved it 138 870

By ChelseaAnn08 - 03/05/2009 17:43

Today, I was walking to class and stepped off the curb. As I stepped down, I slipped. It had been raining for the past 2 days so I figured I had stepped in mud. I looked at my shoe and saw it wasn't mud, so I looked behind me to see what I had stepped in. I stepped in dead squirrel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 327

You deserved it 1 421

By bitchstick101 - 20/04/2009 18:38

Today, I went over too blockbuster to rent a movie. I went back home and put the dvd in the machine, turns out the blockbuster guys mixed the dvd with backdoor sluts, instead watching of Peter pan, My 6 year old cousin watched with her innocent eyes their. Thanks to blockbuster, I got grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By vbgrll342 - 20/04/2009 18:23

Today, I went up to my boyfriend of over a year and started whispering sexy things in his ear, then asking him if he wanted to have sex. His response? "I have to poop first." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 18:21

Today, I invited this guy that I like to the bar with me and my roommate. We have been casually hooking up for a few weeks but I have developed stronger feelings for him. When he gets there, it is just me and my roommate sitting at the bar. He sat next to my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 18:21

Today I was having sex with my boyfriend and was getting really into it and I thought he was too. When I finished he responded with, "Finally." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anniez - 20/04/2009 18:21

Today, I told my husband of three years that we are finally going to have a baby.. He replied with "so is my secretary.." he knocked her up too.. she's my sister.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By caught-in-between - 20/04/2009 18:20

Today, I was on top of my boyfriend and just as he penetrated me my 17 year old son (im 38) walks in. Whats worse is my boyfriend with a straight face says "sup bro!" and continues to make love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 18:19

Today, this weekend I found out that my gay supervisor likes me and my fiancee likes someone else. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Joslyn - 20/04/2009 18:14

Today, this guy told me to come to his house. It is probably 95 degrees outside and i walked a little over a mile. I get to his house and tell him im here. He texts me and says hes too lazy to get up and open the door. I waited for 20 minutes outside his house then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206 933

You deserved it 14 813

By Mike - 21/03/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236 847

You deserved it 31 386

By nowthatsfcked - 13/03/2009 13:18 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 232

You deserved it 210 451

By surfdown - 16/12/2008 05:20 - France

Today, my mistress called my wife on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 140

You deserved it 131 452

By Ben-Ben - 06/11/2008 09:43 - France

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 956

You deserved it 150 198

By VIVI - 25/10/2008 16:55

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 122 691

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 2 676

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 147

You deserved it 9 985

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 490

You deserved it 3 545

Today, after I tried to plan a surprise party for my friend, and a series of miscommunications and accidental reveals, it turned it into a surprise party for myself. I walked into a room filled with people shouting, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 210

Today, I finally felt better after having the flu for two weeks. I decided to do some much-needed cleaning that I hadn't been able to do while sick. I tripped over my rug and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 485

You deserved it 414

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 639

You deserved it 11 124