Nearly FMLs

By hatesmarshmellows - 15/05/2009 23:08

Today, I went to a bonfire on a date with a girl, and we were roasting marshmellows. Mine caught on fire and I started swinging it around. It ended up on her face and she has a big burn on her cheek. I havent seen her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TB93 - 15/05/2009 23:08

Today, I found the box of chocolates I bought for my mom for Mothers Day sitting in the garbage with only a few chocolates missing. Not bad enough? When I went to open my lunch at school I discovered the missing chocolates were in my lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By howdidithappen - 15/05/2009 23:08

Today, I found out I have 2 STDs. My boyfriend and I waited 2 years before having sex, and we were both virgins. Now I have to explain to my mother why exactly I need antibiotics. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HelloWorld - 15/05/2009 23:07

Today i was in dire need of a hair cut. Not knowing any salons, i decided to go to the barber my husband goes to. I was greeted, and sat down where the man immediently began shaving my head. I'm a woman, mistaken as a man.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By nothingtodo - 15/05/2009 23:05

Today as I was reading the FML blog I realized that this is usually the highlight of my day.FML

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By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 23:05

Today, my three friends and I decided to form our own version of "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." Then they went out to buy our "magic pants" without me. The worst part? They assigned the character's names, and I'm Carmen. FML

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You deserved it 0

By nowwhat - 15/05/2009 23:04

Today, the guy I've been hooking up with for the past six months left me. He said I wasn't "dirty" enough. I wanted to tell him I loved him tonight. Now I'm gonna be all alone this summer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 23:04

Today, my roomate left an unlabeled bottle of hair creme in our bathroom. It smelled nice so I put it in my hair. It was actually nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By liv - 15/05/2009 23:04

Today, my mom yelled at me because im on my cellphone too much. So i decided to leave in my purse while i did a couple things at home, when i got back to my phone i got 12 missed calls and i am now grounded for not having my cell phone on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By SinCitySleeper - 15/05/2009 23:03

Today is my birthday. I live in Las Vegas and I am going to celebrate my birthday alone at home. I am turning 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 22:50

Today i had an interview @ B of A. i was 15 mins late. half way thruy the interview my phone went off(completely forgot it was on in my pocket) well, 2 months ago my friend made up a ringtone on my phone and said "im gonna gangbang your mom and chop her f***** head off" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Airgirl555 - 15/05/2009 22:42

Today I called my mom while I was at the hospital and told her "I feel like I'm dying." but my mother misinterpreted it as "I am dying." and told my friends to come to my house and pick out any of my stuff they felt like keeping. So now my friends think I'm died, and they have all my stuff. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 22:41

Today, I went to a 7-11 store near my house and bought a prepaid credit card so I could shop on the internet, I got nervous when people in the line started watching what I was buying so I left quickly. I got home in one piece with the card and realized I left my rent money there in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 22:37

I got a new boyfriend that I really like. Excited I quickly changed my Facebook status to "in a relationship". I had forgotten that my whole family were all my friends. That night at dinner we had a full conversation about him and how I cant go out with him till he comes to church with us. Im 19.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fieldhockifreak - 15/05/2009 22:35

Today I was watching SpongeBob Squarepants with my little brother. He left an hour ago, im still watching it. Im 15 and its a friday night. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By lilboosie - 15/05/2009 22:34

Today, I was told by a woman who looks to be on the verge of (if not over) 500 pounds that i'm chubby. i'm 21 and weigh 170. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By fmlllll - 15/05/2009 22:25

Today, I received my interim. I got horrible grades and am grounded for the weekend. My 16th birthday is on Sunday. I re-read the name on the interim; it's not mine. I show my mom, & she says, "Clearly you can't read so I'm assuming you're failing English. You're still grounded. Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By j4o4y - 15/05/2009 22:20

today i just found out that my boyfriends best friend jacks off to my voice while i talk to him on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By aterribleperson - 15/05/2009 22:16

A few nights ago i had friends over and we were all drinking the next morning i was cleaning up and i guess i missed one of the four loco cans because i found my 2 yr old niece drinking out of one of them and when i took it away she screamed beer at me for about 30 min. what is her mom teaching her?

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 22:09

Today, I spent $400 on campaign shirts for my school class elections and I lost.FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By SeventhFonons - 15/05/2009 22:02

Today, on msn, this guy and I sent each other examples of our singing. When he listened to mine, he stated, "Well, you got the key right at the end, but you still suck almost as much as me." I've been in the choir for six years. I am crying. FML

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You deserved it 0

By lunchmeat317 - 15/05/2009 22:02

Today, I made a to-do list. Since I'd locked myself out of the house previously and had to break in with my credit card, I made a note to get a spare key made. Satisfied, I left for work. It was only after I locked and closed the door that I realized my wallet and keys were in my other pants. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Invisable_No_one - 15/05/2009 22:01

Today, Its friday, I had no plans untill I recived a text message on my phone from one of my good friends asking me If i would like to hang out later with several other people. I reply " what time?" She replys "Oh sorry I ment to send thaty to someone else". I still have no plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Asillyturtle - 15/05/2009 21:54

Today, whilst at work I crossed eyes with the most stunning girl ever. She asked that I find her a DVD, so I jumped at the chance and went in search of Twilight. I was totally in! Minutes later I came back to the checkout to find the girl being chatted up by my manager. She left with his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By I_Dance_In_Rain - 15/05/2009 21:54

Today I helped my friend get with her boyfriend. They start talking to me outside. They were talking about how desperate our guy friend is and the only girls he wouldn't go out with are the fat ones. They said that included me. When asked who said it, it turns out my best friend of 11 years did. FML

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You deserved it 0

By captnawesome13 - 15/05/2009 21:52

Today, while watching the movie "P.S. I Love You", I realized that the last female I kissed in the past 6 months was my cat.

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By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 21:51

Today, I made it my goal to read all 247 pages of FML. Guess what? I did. Then I waited for more. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 21:45

Today, I wanted to surprise my parents coming home from college. I let my self in and went upstairs to put my stuff in the guest room I have been sleeping in to get away from college. I walked in on my parents having sex on the bed. My dad says, "Relax this is not the first time." They're 65.

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You deserved it 0

By none - 15/05/2009 21:42

Today, while walking through the streets of Chicago I really had to go the bathroom. I asked a man sitting against the side of a building where the bathroom was. Not relising it, the man was a hobo. The answer to my qusteon was "everywhere". Turns out i was standing in a puddle of his piss.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sadbiboy - 15/05/2009 21:25

Lately, my family seems to have a need to say every homophobic thing that comes to mind, and insult every gay person they see. I'm bi, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I had terrible nightmares and woke up several times because of them, as well as my roommates having a pen and paper session downstairs. I had to get up at 6:30 a.m. and sit through a whole day of team training at work, barely staying awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 129

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 397

You deserved it 3 982

Today, after 9 years of loveless marriage, my wife confided in me that she was always an introvert and depressed person, but pretended to be outgoing and fun loving with me up until our marriage, so she could marry me just to lift herself up from low class to high class society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 134

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 702

You deserved it 2 725

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 601

You deserved it 57 800

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 180