Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206 933

You deserved it 14 813

By Mike - 21/03/2009 15:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236 847

You deserved it 31 386

By nowthatsfcked - 13/03/2009 13:18 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 232

You deserved it 210 451

By surfdown - 16/12/2008 05:20 - France

Today, my mistress called my wife on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 140

You deserved it 131 452

By Ben-Ben - 06/11/2008 09:43 - France

Spicy

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 956

You deserved it 150 198

By VIVI - 25/10/2008 16:55

Spicy

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 122 691

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Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 502

You deserved it 3 668

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 3 414

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 704

You deserved it 7 686

So, what's gonna happen next?

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 186

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 1 749

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 125