Nearly FMLs

By Tarlachia - 15/01/2016 19:39 - United States - Orlando

Today, I slipped on rain-soaked painted concrete at the top of a set of concrete stairs, then crashed halfway down the stairs, injuring my left ankle, a few fingers, and my ass. When I called my boss to report it, he said, "You're ok to keep working, right?" Yeah. I guess I am. FML

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By anon - 15/01/2016 19:35 - United States

Today, my teacher had my class get into groups of 5 to work on a project together. Noone wanted to work with me so I ended up working on my own. FML

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By Worktoohardandtoomuchtobethisbroke - 15/01/2016 18:45 - United States - Chico

Today after working through the holidays and the full beginning of this month without a day off I woke up to a bank balance of negative $200. It's pay day. FML!

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By max_balfour - 15/01/2016 18:24 - United Kingdom

Today, Whilst in maths class, the whole class got sent out. When the teacher said that our grades are a fraction of what they used to be, some dickhead behind me decided to shout "I thought we were doing angles miss!" Guess who's got detentions every night for a month. FML.

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By redface - 15/01/2016 18:23 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today I finally saw my favourite band at a concert after 7 years of admiration, we won a meet and greet ticket beforehand, when I met the band I panicked and told them to "enjoy the band" FML

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By anonymous - 15/01/2016 18:22 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, me and my boyfriend were fucking in his basement when his 7 year old brother walked down the stairs and saw me naked on top of his older brother, he told his parents and now his family just stares at me whenever I come over. FML

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By snowcat499 - 15/01/2016 18:22 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was on a college tour. I knew that it was the college my ex and the girl that stole him from me went to but thought nothing of it because the school was big enough that I wouldn't see them. When our tour guides showed up I realized mine was the girl that stole my ex from me. FML

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By wifeofasshole - 15/01/2016 18:17 - United States - Bethesda

Today, feeling somewhat down in the dumps about my appearance (being 8 months pregnant), I asked my husband to pay me a compliment. He blinked, then told me I have "Beautiful jizz targets." Eyes. He was refering to my eyes. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 18:06 - United States - Bethesda

Today, my housemate is pissed off at me because I'm not being supportive of her and her ex getting back together. The same ex who knocked her up and left her while cheating on his wife, who has a severe drinking problem, and who has rage issues and carries a loaded gun. FML

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By SecretSummer - 15/01/2016 18:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came into school with my hair curled and a bit of eyeliner and mascara, like I always do. During lunch, two teachers that hang out in the room I eat in both looked at me and started whispering and next thing I saw was them lick their lips at me. I see them everyday. FML.

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 18:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while driving with my dad, he started smelling pizza. I smelled it too, I was just too embarrassed to admit that the "pizza" was just my body odor. FML

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By sally - 15/01/2016 18:03 - Austria

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years said he had a surprise for me. I was excited that he finally showed a sign of acknowledgement after several months of relationship problems. The surprise was his favorite fast food, beef burgers. I'm a vegetarian. Fml.

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By Me, Myself, and I - 15/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Edmonds

Today, My alarm didn't go off for school. I'm still in bed and my dad is walking around my door a bunch and it's open, so I'm afraid move in fear of him seeing me. FML

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By FBflop - 15/01/2016 17:38

Today, I was angry at a random backyard breeder on Facebook for selling puppies to random kids, so I sent them extreme hate mail. This morning I woke up to screenshots of my message all over Facebook groups, now I'm hated by 1421 people all over the world. FML

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By whysobeachy - 15/01/2016 17:29 - India - Mumbai

Today, while looking at myself in a mirror, I started to cry, because I hate my appearance. Then I noticed how horrendous I looked while crying, and burst out laughing. Then, on realising just how bad my depression was, I broke down again. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 17:08 - Ireland

Today, in class I stood up, tripped and stumbled due to my foot getting caught on the table leg, landed on the table beside it, then fell off that one. Flat onto the floor. All in the matter of about 30-40 seconds. Everyone laughed. FML

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By iT_Cereal - 15/01/2016 17:04 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was playing with my cat and it being dark with only my phone light, I decided to kiss her only to find out I kissed her ass. FML.

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 17:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up and realized I'm so lonely I don't have "wet dreams" anymore, I have "committed relationship dreams." FML

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By hhmonster - 15/01/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, My housemate made brownies, so I decided to take one to have on the way to work. About an hour or so into my day I discovered they where packed full of weed. My Boss pulled my into a meeting to ask why my performance was so low - I was so stoned I couldn't even make eye contact with him. FML

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By bacon_lover03 - 15/01/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I found out that my skin is so sensitive to the point where using Johnson's Face Wipes causes me to have an allergic reaction consisting of violent rashes all over my face. FML

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By Epickitty58 - 15/01/2016 16:41 - United States - Metuchen

Today, I went to the bathroom during school. I get anxious when I pee in front of other people, so I went in a stall and held it while someone washed their hands. I heard the sink turn on three times while I was in there before the door opened. Three more people came in the bathroom. FML

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By Cut Young - 15/01/2016 16:25 - United States - New York

Today, I went to work newly promoted to full-time. Doing great being the best employee I can! Two hours later the new manager fires everyone on the spot so she can start fresh. Didn't even get to work my first full 40 hour week.FML

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By crinitis - 15/01/2016 16:14 - Canada

Today, for the first time ever, I woke myself up by farting. Today was also the first night I spent at my new boyfriends apartment. FML

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By heisenberg1238 - 15/01/2016 15:58 - United States

Today, I had my midterm exams. Halfway through, I felt immense pressure build up in my stomach. Suddenly, I inadvertently farted. It was loud. And the room was silent. Everyone knew it was me. Fml

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By anonymous - 15/01/2016 15:54 - Poland

Today, at university I felt an urge to pee but nothing came out. The pain got so bad I nearly collapsed. Long story short my poor history professor had to help me give birth in in the classroom to a baby I had no idea I was carrying. This should surprise my husband when he gets home later FML

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By busted on omegle - 15/01/2016 15:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friends and I thought it would be funny to troll on Omegle. It was all fun and games until I ended up connecting with my cousin, with no pants on. FML

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By OnlySkyrimStays - 15/01/2016 15:46 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, my application to a community college got rejected alongside all my UCAS applications. I'm a straight A student. FML.

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By annoyed247 - 15/01/2016 15:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I called my ex-husband to inform him that our daughter had a bad rash below and didn't want to tell us because she was embarrassed. I told him he needs to get a cream for his weekend. His response? You're not a doctor how do you know anything about vaginas, well I've had for for 27 years..FML

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By evil genius - 15/01/2016 15:30 - Australia - Albury

Today is the 4th time that the game I've been playing has started at a checkpoint further back. I told 2 friends who are both my girlfriends brothers, turns out that when she gets mad at us she studys our characters deletes our games and works her way up to a checkpoint a few behind. I'm scared. FML

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By EverettA - 15/01/2016 15:25 - United States - Hilliard

Today, while I was shoveling snow from our driveway my parents left for their day trip, locking me out. It was -10 F out and my phone was in the house. I finally got in by climbing up to one of windows that was unlocked but when I called them they bitched me out for "probably tracking snow in". FML

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The Top

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 064

You deserved it 5 660

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 657

You deserved it 24 800

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 042

You deserved it 4 952

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 897

You deserved it 4 527

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 795

You deserved it 1 415

Today, I discovered that my fiancé and I had vastly different definitions of monogamy. Don't worry, he only did it when he was mad at me to remind him how much he loved me. I found out from my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 238