Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 20:43 - United States - Wilson

Today, my child informed me that he's glad he won't be returning to school after this year. Apparently, he thinks that the "last day of school" is the "last day of school ever." He refuses to believe otherwise. FML.

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By Pezza - 14/01/2016 20:43 - United Kingdom - Marlborough

Today my girlfriend took me to a strip club. I also found out what she does for a living. FML

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By take me back? - 14/01/2016 20:33 - United States - Union City

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. A week before my 21st birthday. I had told my friends that I was spending the day with him and now no longer have anyone to spend it with because they have all made other plans now. FML

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By medtroubles - 14/01/2016 20:29

Today I found out that my dad's work changed insurance companies. They sent him a temporary card that had none of the info on it that I need to get my meds refilled. When he called to find out that information the company has no record of him ever being enrolled. I need these meds to live... FML

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By HylianTwilight - 14/01/2016 20:26 - United States

Today, I was faced with one of my worst fears. My psychotic ex was trying to break in, and I was pushing the door shut. I then had the idea to kick him, but my eyes flew open as my foot made contact with a pile of fur. Turns out it was just a dream, and I kicked my dog off the bed. FML

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By shaaaan - 14/01/2016 20:21 - United States

Today, I said while on a walk with my boyfriend 'you're silly' not skipping a beat he responded with 'you're ugly'. FML

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By Fergus52 - 14/01/2016 20:04 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I got all 4 wisdom teeth removed, my little brother thought it would be funny to slap me on the jaw to "see how strong the anesthetic is" fml.

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By ladycube - 14/01/2016 19:55 - United States - Lakeville

Today, I got bitched at by my boyfriends mother because I reminded his little sister that what she calls her "seizures" are actually just tantrums. His sister is in high school. FML

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By HK KillFeeDz - 14/01/2016 19:52 - United States

Today, I tried to prank my brother by waking him up with an air horn, as I did so he jumped up and hit his head on the wall, he is breathing but won't wake up. FML

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By davo_ib_local - 14/01/2016 19:51 - United States - San Diego

Today, I failed an exam. I have been working in the Information Technology field for over 10 years. The exam I failed in entry level. FML

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By Schatzi94 - 14/01/2016 19:25 - United States - Asheville

Today, after using the bathroom my boss was the next to go in. After a few moments of silence everyone heard him shout, "Whoever clogged this is fired!" He walked out to everyone pointing at me. FML.

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By Thors_Hammer9999 - 14/01/2016 19:22 - United States - Cadillac

Today, after a week of severe stomach pain I finally went to the hospital. Nine hours and several VERY expensive test later I got the most expensive "We don't know" I have ever gotten and was sent home still in severe pain. FML.

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By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 19:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I used the supercomputer for the first time so I could run cool experiments like the other scientists. Trying to be smart, I wrote the code myself. But when I submitted it, I crashed the supercomputer, cancelling everyone's experiments at the university. Everyone hates me, science is hard.FML

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By screamer - 14/01/2016 19:19 - United States - Fairport

Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. After we realized his mom was home, and we have no idea when she got home. I'm a screamer FML

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By anno - 14/01/2016 19:07 - Denmark - J?gerspris

Yesterday I was at my grandpa's funeral. We have been taking care of his dog while he's been sick. I really bonded with the dog. He peed blood yesterday, so I rushed him to the vet today. Turns out he has cancer and is dying. Putting him to sleep tomorrow.

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By patient33 - 14/01/2016 19:07 - Switzerland - Affoltern

Today I had to catch a 2h train ride for a medical appointment. I was informed that the doctor was going to be late. So after 1h patiently sitting in the waiting room I checked on her only to find out that she had left for the day. FML.

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By miku061402 - 14/01/2016 18:51 - United States

Today, my mom introduced her new roommate to my dad and I. When I went to tell my mother good night, she was making out with her saying she was the best girlfriend anyone could ever have. FML

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By poor singleton - 14/01/2016 18:48

Today, I found out my boyfriend lost £2000 due to gambling, instead of being apologetic he made it my fault because I shouldn't have asked about his money. I only wanted to go out for dinner and asked who would pay. FML.

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By ertyert101 - 14/01/2016 18:42 - United States - Millerton

Today, I went to open my school locker, only to find the lock completely soaked with a slimy mystery liquid. I was forced to open it and wipe my hands on my pants so I wouldn't be late for class. FML

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By anonymous - 14/01/2016 18:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I queefed really loudly, multiple times, during my silent US History final exam. FML

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By WishIWasRicher - 14/01/2016 18:12 - United States - West Point

Today, I dropped about 25 dollars worth of pennies and nickels on the floor. The bag they were in exploded, sending them flying everywhere. FML.

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By N1ght0pt1x - 14/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was walking down the street in my busy town when I came across a homeless person, asking for change to buy new clothes. As a Good Samaritan I give him a couple of dollars to help in his cause but he stood up and walked into the liquor store and bought a travel bottle with his money. FML

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By alex8459 - 14/01/2016 17:46 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my 12 year old brother found a half bottle of Bacardi from New Years in a box while snooping around my closet. He immediately sent a picture to my grandma who now believes I'm an alcoholic. I'm in college and rarely drink, but I still managed to break my cancerous grandma's heart.

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By future cancelled - 14/01/2016 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, my asshat roommates thought it would be funny to turn off my morning alarm. Because of them, I missed an interview for my dream job. When I called them explaining the situation, they said I couldn't reschedule, and it's my own fault for choosing those roommates to live with me. FML

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By Buttcuts - 14/01/2016 16:19 - United States - Williston

Today, I was hanging out with a boy on a hill near our house. We started making out and stuff and one thing after another I had my pants off. Once we decided to head home I went to shower and felt stings all over my butt. I had cuts all over my butt from grass. FML

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By PinkGlitterBunny - 14/01/2016 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after holding in gas all night because even after 3 years, I still don't like passing it around my boyfriend, I sneezed and farted at the same time. It turns out I had good reason not to feel comfortable. He got grossed out and went home. FML

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By FeelingMurderous - 14/01/2016 16:05

Today, I'm visiting my home country to sort some documentation out & staying with my family for 6weeks. I can't even have a glass of wine without my mother accusing me of being an alcoholic just like her drug addict brother, "because she knows these things". i'm 28. 5 more weeks of this shit. FML

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By johny93 - 14/01/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got in an argument with my roommate,. after walking out for work I see my game system on the porch. it's pouring outside... FML

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By Curious - 14/01/2016 15:48 - United States - Gadsden

Today, I realized I am falling for my friend. I feel great around him and want to talk to him all the time and tell him everything. I think he has dropped me hints he might feel the same and I have tried to hint back. The problem is I'm falling for a guy, and I consider myself a straight male. FML

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By PingusTheDingus - 14/01/2016 15:18 - United States - Burneyville

Today, I got a new kitten. He was just a couple of weeks old, and really small. I realized that I didn't have any cat litter, so I quickly ran down to the store. When I returned, the cage door was open, there was blood everywhere, and my dog was was just finishing up his latest meal, Raw Kitten. FML

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The Top

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 446

You deserved it 4 376

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 167

Today, I was told Thanksgiving was cancelled after I'd already sent $100 to my sister-in-law to help with food costs. It turns out that it wasn't cancelled, I was just uninvited so her friends could go. I can't afford a meal for myself. I hope they all get food poisoning. FML

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You deserved it 69

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

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Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 3 047

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 613

You deserved it 6 382