Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 01:48 - Canada - Calgary

Today, is my birthday. Last month for my bf's birthday I spent weeks planning him a surprise party, got him a $200 gift and bought him supper. He didn't even remember mine today. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 01:44 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband and I decided to try to use a sex toy. This resulted in a massive argument because my husband insists it's cheating. He's the one who bought the toy. FML

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By cheesyfeet2001 - 16/01/2016 01:29 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today I found out that my wife slept with a stranger she met on this app, I thought this was fuck my life not fuck my wife. FML.

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By everydamntime - 16/01/2016 01:22 - United States - Pearsall

Today, after waiting almost two weeks to get some alone time with my husband his annoying friend invited himself over, ate all our pizza and blissfully ignored my obvious irritation and hints that he should leave. My husband doesn't see the problem. FML.

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 01:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after three years of trying to lose weight, I finally fit into a size 5 dress. My boyfriend broke up with me because I am now "too skinny". He was the one that told me to lose weight in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 00:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, At work my boss was so happy to tell me that I get next Monday off...I soon realize it's MLK day, I'm black and the only employee having that day off. FML

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By Angelrose2004 - 16/01/2016 00:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, my husband called to inform me that he accidentally rolled over on our dog, resulting in both peeing the bed. FML

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By princess - 16/01/2016 00:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my dad who is my best friend has terminal cancer with at best a year to live. FML

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By she sits next to me everyday - 16/01/2016 00:26 - United States

Today, on the bus, my friends and I were talking about who'd be the first to get pregnant in my school. I suggested a girl in my homeroom class, who apparently, was right behind me. FML.

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By 914smv - 15/01/2016 23:53 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, after the Christmas celebrations, 4 years together and 2 kids my husband told me he doesn't feel the same way and wants a divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 23:48 - United States - La Crosse

Today, the guy I've been seeing for the last 3+ months and madly hoping that it would turn into something more told me he's finally ready for a relationship. Today was also the day I told him I met someone else. FML.

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 23:42 - United States - Tarpon Springs

Today, I was at my local bar when a woman came up to me and asked me out. We hung out for the entire night, until she was about to leave. Then she told me it was just to show her friends she could ask someone out. FML

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By JusstJef - 15/01/2016 23:34 - United States - Redmond

Today, I bought some googly eyes with stickum on it. I pulled my balls up as high as possible and taped them. I put a googly eye on each testicle, took a pic and sent it to the gf asking if she heard about the escaped elephant. Now she won't have sex with me anymore, FML

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By fucked out of love - 15/01/2016 23:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I was too insecure. This coming from the same man who constantly told me my best wasn't good enough. FML.

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By literal pain in the ass - 15/01/2016 23:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally saw a doctor for the periodic and very painful cramps I get in my ass when I use the toilet. Today I found out that I am part of 20% of all people who get very painful ass cramps for no apparent reason when they use the toilet. FML

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By ardea_alba - 15/01/2016 23:07 - Russian Federation - Salda

Today, after a nice family dinner and many warnings beforehand, we ended up driving our squirming, crying 4yo to the ER in the middle of the night, because my father had used a few of the ingredients our son's allergic to in the food, after all. His excuse? 'He doesn't believe in food allergy'. FML

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By Kallian - 15/01/2016 22:53 - Australia - Hawker

Today, at my day care job, I was changing the babies diapers. One incredibly fussy baby kept grabbing at his penis and trying to roll off the table. While I was trying to stop him from falling, he stuck his hand in my mouth. There's not enough mouthwash in the world. FML

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By moosemay - 15/01/2016 22:02 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I went to teach my class although I suffered from morning sickness. All went well until the morning break started and a kid in the first row unpacked a smelly liverwurst sandwich. I puked into the classroom sink in front of the entire class. FML

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By johadhrndndd - 15/01/2016 21:45 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was at work (cashier at a grocery store) and a group of kids began throwing peanuts at me. I have a severe nut allergy and have been in the ER for three hours now. FML

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By okay then - 15/01/2016 21:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally had sex with my girlfriend of a few years. Afterwards, she looked at me with a dazed expression and simply said "I think I'm straight". FML.

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By moosemay - 15/01/2016 21:13 - Germany

Today, facing a night alone on my sofa I decided to treat myself to some take away sushi. When the waitress packed my order she asked me "Do you need two or three sets of chopsticks?" FML

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By vickyslife - 15/01/2016 20:50

Today, I was at a stoplight party. Green shirt for single, yellow for complicated and red for taken. I wore a red shirt and when I saw my boyfriend I noticed he was wearing a green shirt that had "I hope you get it" written. FML

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By zwickl94 - 15/01/2016 20:42 - Australia - Hawker

Today, I was hit by a car while I was riding my motorcycle to work. After I finally slid to a stop on my helmet, one of my best friends came running over. It turns out he was the one who ran into me. FML.

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By Mari-I don't wanna - 15/01/2016 20:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, there was a supposedly random drug test at my school. The dogs stopped at my locker, everything was searched, I was questioned, and they'll be keeping an eye on me from now on. I've never used any sort of drug, let alone brought it to school. FML

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By LifeSucks2016 - 15/01/2016 20:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was testing a patients reflexes by hitting her knee with a small hammer. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts causing me to fall on the floor and almost crying. Not only did she laugh at this but I heard her camera go off to take a picture of me. FML

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By ryan9395 - 15/01/2016 20:29 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend was looking at my "fifty states" quarter collection. She persisted to count them to figure out how many I had. FML

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By nottherealjcole - 15/01/2016 20:17 - United States - Paonia

Today, as I was finishing working out, I realized the mouse infestation was not over in my basement, as I found the dead body of one facing me from across the room. I didn't see it when I started. FML

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By tequilamockingbi - 15/01/2016 20:08 - United States - Decatur

Today, I woke up at 5:30am like I do every day to get the kid ready for the bus to school. Some time in my sleep last night, however, I'd had a vicious nose bleed. It looked like someone was murdered on my sheets and I had no time to shower the blood all the way off before the bus got here. FML.

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 20:02 - United States - Springfield

Today, after several confusing weeks of talking and spending time together but not being sure what was going on between us, I worked up the nerve to tell my crush I like him. He thanked me for being honest. That's all he said. FML.

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By justwhy - 15/01/2016 19:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after spending a good portion of my life wishing my dad loved me as much as my sister, I got my wish. My Dad got drunk and asked to go down on me. FML

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The Top

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 404

You deserved it 2 300

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 122

You deserved it 46 697

Today, my long distance girlfriend of almost two years broke up with me because I didn't like her drinking and driving. Her reasoning was, "I don't go out that often so what's the problem?" or "I'm safe when I drive drunk." Yeah? How many drunk drivers thought the same then wrapped their car around a tree? FML

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You deserved it 110

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 510

You deserved it 3 477

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 231

You deserved it 3 828

Today, after I caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating. He told me that it isn't my business if he was seeing other woman, because we didn't had an official relationship. We have been living together in a house we bought, for two years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 160