Nearly FMLs

By Empathy - 28/01/2016 03:27 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my daughter brought two friends to our house to make cookies while I was at work. I was fine with this until I came home and my throat closed up. Despite my having a severe peanut allergy for my entire life, my daughter decided to make peanut butter cookies. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dodgerohiofan - 28/01/2016 03:26 - United States - Lexington

Today, me and my girlfriend of 7 years were having sex... She told me that I should get checked out for herpes because she has them. I was planning on marrying her tomorrow at the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Scalded - 28/01/2016 03:21 - Australia - Castlemaine

Today, I tried to turn off the kitchen light with my chin, while holding a cup of tea and a biscuit. I managed to misjudge and whack my chin into the double adaptor below the light switch, which caused scalding tea to wash over my hand, which caused another scalding wave to wash over my foot. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Lime23 - 28/01/2016 03:21 - United States - Summit

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym class and the ball rolled to the other side of the gym. I tried to hit the ball all the way back to the court from the other side of the gym but i hit one of the lights which gets hit all the time with no problem. This time, half of it came crashing down. Fml

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You deserved it 0

By Heeman11 - 28/01/2016 03:19 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was watching PornHub. Apparently my parents are huge on there right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By James.Q - 28/01/2016 03:14 - United States - Westminster

Today, My mom texted me thinking She was texting my dad. She asked "me" to pick up a cucumber from the grocery store. Once I got home there was already one in my dad hand as I see him and my mom come out of the bedroom... Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 03:06 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, a woman called me 6 separate times to scream about how her dog was "traumatized" because one of my employees left its dog bed "askew". She demanded a refund to pay for its therapy, and threatened to report us to the BBB. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By awljtn14 - 28/01/2016 03:06 - United States - Hardy

Today, my dad told me to get on his phone and change his background. He doesn't know how to. I went through his pictures to find the one he told me to put and found pictures of my mother holding one boob in one hand and the other in the other hand. She was pulling them away from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By LaurenHamlet - 28/01/2016 03:02 - United States - Austin

Today my crush told me that someone had hit on him, and being a girl I texted my friend a screenshot of the messages saying how I had competition. My friend showed him those text messages, and now he thinks I'm a stalker. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By kodiebear - 28/01/2016 02:57 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, my 4yo told me his dads gf of 6 months is pregnant. 12 months ago, he was so deadset against having another baby, that he beat me until I gave in to his demand for an abortion. Im left to grieve for the baby I never held, he is playing happy family with someone else FML

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You deserved it 0

By vanilla_blossom - 28/01/2016 02:55 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I realized the reason I've been single for so long. Every man I'm attracted to is either taken, gay, or a shallow gold-digging gigolo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By HeatherCorinne - 28/01/2016 02:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made an FML account so I could comment on the post. So far, over 10 guys messaged me asking for nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By leabergman1994 - 28/01/2016 02:49 - United States - Wooster

Today, I decide to take laxatives due to the fact I haven't pooped in about a week. I have a 6 hour gap in my school schedule so I took it right after my first class. It didn't kick in till about 10 mins before my last class.

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You deserved it 0

By pgmonster - 28/01/2016 02:48 - United States - Chester

Today, I found out that 2 years ago my boss was arrested for beating and throwing his girlfriend down stairs because he didn't like the way she was painting their bedroom. I'm supposed to help him paint his house this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 02:40 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my partner by sending him a snapchat of me in my underwear. He wasn't expecting it so he opened it thinking it was a photo of one of our kids. An old man next to him, about 70 years old, looked over his shoulder and said "nice!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By l - 28/01/2016 02:21 - Canada - Burlington

today, my drama group got rid of the whole script I had written (which took the whole night btw) just because they didn't like it that much. Then right before we handed it in, they put back everything I had written and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Tigurz_Rool - 28/01/2016 02:20 - United States - Nashua

Today, I was too germaphobic, and refused to have sex with my boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 02:20 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to the dentist to get a cleaning and the lady kept looking at her phone whilst stabbing me in the gums, then pointed out how I need to brush more due to the blood FML

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You deserved it 0

By goodbyesally - 28/01/2016 02:13 - Canada - Ottawa

Today I had the lovely experience of watching my uber driver run over my cat FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 28/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Boston

Today, my gf of 7 years finally decided to give me a blow Job. She said " be careful I'm a biter" laughing off I later realized she wasn't joking. She's to Embarrassed to talk to me and I need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By hershelLayton - 28/01/2016 02:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, Cortana from Microsoft roasted me. Even artificial intelligence has to make fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By frenchbow - 28/01/2016 01:52 - United States - Naples

Today, I realized how severe my Google addiction really is when I asked Google where I left my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By LoveSickLoveSucks - 28/01/2016 01:45 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my now-ex boyfriend asked me why I was being quiet. I told my him that I was sad that he called me nasty names when he got upset. He looked at me like I broke his heart and asked me why I would say things like that to make him depressed, he asked me why I didn't care about his feelings. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By SJ - 28/01/2016 01:45 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I saw some guys breaking into my neighbors car and setting something in the engine on fire, so I called 911. Turns out it was my neighbor and some repairmen trying to fix it, I just didn't recognize him in that jacket and hat. My house is the only one with a view of where his car was. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By SumDonkus - 28/01/2016 01:44 - United States - Denver

Today, I got the wonderful feeling of what felt like a sneeze and a cough. I looked down and there was blood all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By notreadytolosethem - 28/01/2016 01:20 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I found out that my grandfather is in the hospital with a brain tumor. Only a few days ago, I found out that my grandmother on the other side of my family has a mass in her colon that could be colon cancer. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By BiGTiMeNeRD - 28/01/2016 01:18 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I rear-ended the car in front of me that decided to stop in the middle of the intersection. This would've been bad enough, but my wife decided to go into hysterics, slap me across the face, scream vulgarities in my face, and then proceed to tell the other driver that it was 100% my fault.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By big mizzie - 28/01/2016 01:08 - United States - Highland Park

Today, as I went to put on my coat I turned my head to the side and made eye contact with the gentleman next to me. It wouldn't have been so awkward if I wasn't licking my chapped lips at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DUBSTEPMON - 28/01/2016 00:48 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got a nude sent to me for the first time. Too bad it was my sister, who meant to send it to her boyfriend. Definitely not my proudest fap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By searching for work - 28/01/2016 00:47 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job when I went into my bosses office to thank him and he asked me what I was doing there.. They meant to email someone else.. I quit my old job and moved..

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 1 374

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 482

You deserved it 1 751

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. As I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 214

You deserved it 7 813

Today, I received an invitation to a Happy Hour happening tomorrow. It's at 6 a.m. How am I supposed to drink at 6 a.m.? FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 210

Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband that she cheated on him with me. I'm scared to death and I don't dare to go out by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 998

You deserved it 4 512

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 471