Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 02:48 - United States - Stuart

Today, my now ex broke up with me after a year because he dropped out of school and doesn't know what else to do to take control of his life. FML

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By Leporus - 27/01/2016 02:43 - United States - Cleburne

Today, I was handing a plate of food at a Tex-Mex restaurant. As I let go the customer grabbed hold and brought it down. It slipped from his hand, broke the plate, and ruined his food. Then he said that I broke the plate and ruined his food. He told my boss, I got fired and had to pay for the plate.

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By bruh - 27/01/2016 02:42 - United States - Morgan Hill

Today, my mom forced me to FaceTime my grandparents for 2 hours. They live 10 minutes away.

I agree, your life sucks 1

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By mimirawr14 - 27/01/2016 02:42 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out my psycho now ex put a tracker on my phone to know my whereabouts at all times, FML

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By I hate my life - 27/01/2016 02:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I announced to my family that I'm pregnant after taking a pregnancy test. My boyfriend then suggested I take another one afterwards ... It came Back negative FML

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By everythingsucks - 27/01/2016 02:33 - Canada - Orleans

Today, after three years of babysitting, I realised I lost all sympathy for children under 10. I only learned its true negativity when my mom bitched me out in public for not getting the least bit sad at my 8 year old cousins funeral. FML

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By bfisadoublecrossr - 27/01/2016 02:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I called my boyfriend to remind him of our upcoming 3 year anniversary. The phone was picked up by "Jane", who handed the phone to my boyfriend. He pretended he didn't know me and told me to piss off because I was "ruining his chances of getting laid with this sexy piece of ass". FML.

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By Can't handle paint thinner - 27/01/2016 02:18 - Canada - Westerose

Today, I was forced to stand next to a man on a cramped train who reeked of paint thinner for the entire hour it took to reach my station. When I finally got off the train I was so light headed that I slipped on a patch of ice, at least I landed on something softer than the ground, my laptop.

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 02:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was yelled at for an hour at work for lying, not following proper review procedure, and submitting an unreviewed project. My coworker, the one who told me to send the project out, is also the person who worked on the section that wasn't reviewed. He didn't fess up once. FML

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By winchester45 - 27/01/2016 01:57 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was invited to a party at a coworkers house. Being brand new in town and wanting to make friends, I accepted. I was more interested in playing with the cute puppy than conversing with any of the people there. FML

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By mutiplyyou - 27/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Dayton

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I liked her. She said she wouldn't date me, so I went down to my room. Later I wanted to talk to my brother so I went upstairs. I went into his room to find them fucking and all she said was "This is why I won't date you, his dick is bigger!" Ok then. FML

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By pornaddict - 27/01/2016 01:48 - United States - Mocksville

Today, as I was just about to fall asleep my mother called to chat. She wanted to talk about the fight that my sister and her new husband got into about him watching porn. They both think he's cheating and I feel bad for the SOB for marrying into this family. FML

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By rich424 - 27/01/2016 01:33 - United States - Linden

Today, my girlfriend got home from work and told me she was going to stay in a hotel because she was feeling underappreciated. That morning I gave her oral sex and made her breakfast. I don't know how else to "appreciate". FML.

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By actingmanager - 27/01/2016 01:28 - United States - New Albany

Today I had a meeting with the new VP regarding me moving into my former boss's managerial position after my boss explicitly requested I take his place. A new receptionist met me in the lobby and asked if I was there to interview for the newly opened manager's spot. FML

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By jdw17 - 27/01/2016 01:17 - United States - Queens Village

Today, my father told me I had a stack of college letters on the table. He said he's had them for a week and a half. FML.

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By TheAspieDork - 27/01/2016 01:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out how I was conceived; my parents were originally just fuckbuddies, but they never had the opportunity to discuss birth control. They felt obligated to get married to take care of me, but they hate each other. My life is literally the result of stupid decisions. FML

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You deserved it 0

By 27161697 - 27/01/2016 01:03 - United States - Boston

Today, with a full bladder, I patiently waited for my mother to get out of the bathroom. It took one hour of me waiting to realize that she wasn't even home. FML

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By Scotth901 - 27/01/2016 01:01 - United States - Lafayette

Today, during breakfast, my cat brought me a dead mouse, as usual. I disposed of it, and thought nothing of it, until I got to class. Guess what was in my backpack. FML

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By anonymous - 27/01/2016 00:52 - United States - Sumter

Today, I got kicked out of school for failing a drug test for something that I have a prescription for. FML

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By Trama1201 - 27/01/2016 00:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I made two grilled cheese sandwiches, I was already finished one and was half-way done the second when I looked down to see a maggot melted in with my cheese. FML

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By Tytonic - 27/01/2016 00:51 - United States - Quakertown

Today, my friend broke up with his girlfriend. Normally I wouldn't care all that much, but she's completely convinced that I was jealous and blackmailed him into doing it. When I woke up this morning, I found my tires slashed. FML

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By iseelondoniseefrance - 27/01/2016 00:30 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I was doing PT in ROTC, when a fellow cadet came up and said "Cute underwear, lieutenant" right before pantsing me and exposing my bright pink panties, which caused me to fall backwards and sprain my wrist. No one bothered to help me up or see if I was okay. FML.

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By ShitDust - 27/01/2016 00:30 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, while spooning with my girlfriend, she complained to me that my junk was poking her in the butt and demanded i sleep on the couch because "its distracting her from getting well needed sleep". FML

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By hotpinkcrayola - 27/01/2016 00:21 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I woke up full of plans and motivation. Then the meds kicked in and I had to lay in bed for three hours trying to convince myself to go shower. FML

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By rh3500 - 27/01/2016 00:21 - United States - Bardstown

Today, the window on my dads truck is stuck. It's stuck to where it won't roll up. It's the middle of winter with 9 inches of snow on the ground and 20 degrees outside. FML

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By longbeck4 - 27/01/2016 00:11 - Canada - London

Today, I fell down the stairs and severely hurt my big toe. What cause me to fall? I slipped on a panty liner. FML

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By Balphleair - 27/01/2016 00:10 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I got rear-ended by a car while trying to avoid rear-ending another one. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 00:08 - United States - Franklin

Today, my stepdad made dinner. He forgot to tell me there were jalapeños in the vegetables. I ate them, then ran to the sink to get water, but hit my head on the counter. I still can't get the fire out of my mouth because my mom won't let me get off the couch. FML

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By pls i need to see them - 27/01/2016 00:04 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I waited for 2 hours to be let onto a website so I could purchase concert tickets, the whole time it told me it would reserve them for me the moment I was granted access. It finally let me in, and within a matter of seconds, I filled out all the info and clicked "Buy". They were sold out. FML

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By pixie cut - 27/01/2016 00:04 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he doesn't like girls with short hair. I had it shaved for charity to raise money for the hospice his mother was staying in before she sadly passed away last month. He asked me to call him when it's touching my shoulders. FML

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The Top

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 475

You deserved it 2 554

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 215

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 024

You deserved it 735

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 901

You deserved it 6 095

Today, I work for the local fire department. I had a long call and I was hot and sweaty. I decided to skinny dip in my pool because it was still dark out. Everything went great untill my flood light went on and my dad ran out with a bat. I got smacked in the side with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 959

You deserved it 6 554

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 357

You deserved it 4 687