Nearly FMLs

By ruckfules85 - 27/01/2016 20:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was so tired that after I got the milk out the fridge and the sugar out the cabinet to make cereal, I put the milk back in the cabinet and the sugar in the fridge. The bad part is that I'm at work now and can't fix it. FML

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By scanimp - 27/01/2016 20:38 - United States - Marietta

Today, I came home from work and found out that the leftovers I had from yesterday were eaten. I live alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 20:15 - United Kingdom - Rochester

Today, I found out that the 'confidential' sexual health clinic in our school is located right at the front of our assembly hall. The clinic is only open at lunch...when everyone in the school is there. Everyone laughed as I came out having been told I have chlamydia. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 20:07 - Canada - Welland

Today in my history class I was corrected that a 1920's Flapper was not a prostistute. I am now the laughing stock of the school. FML.

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:45 - United States - Naperville

Today, I finally got the fussy infant I watch back to sleep after my chair creaking woke her. I crept across the house and opened a pack of crackers. The crinkle of which woke her again. FML.

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By weddingcrazies - 27/01/2016 19:41 - Canada - Vanderhoof

Today, at my job at a second hand store, I asked a customer who was taking up the whole isle if I could squeeze by, he looked ad my breasts and said he wouldn't mind a squeeze. FML.

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:41 - United States - Springfield

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

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By Nopornforyou - 27/01/2016 19:35 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I decided to relieve some stress by Jacking Off. I locked my rooms door turned the computer facing only me, as i was getting started i realized something. I forgot to plug the headphones in and turn down the sound. Everyone heard. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 19:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Today marks another day that I have to put up with a snobby, condescending girl in my history class. Instead of answering a question out right, she loudly did the subtle-not subtle *cough* answer *cough* and laughed at her own humour. Three days a week for three more months. FML

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By two2blue - 27/01/2016 18:57 - United States - Madison

Today, after a crappy week at work when I could really use some affection, I learn that my long-distance bf is sick and has to cancel our weekend together. FML.

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By koala189 - 27/01/2016 18:28 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I realized that it wasn't a good idea to listen to your "friend" telling you that there is a two hour delay for school... FML

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By fluffahtoast - 27/01/2016 18:20 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was sick and was going to stay home, he refused and drove me. In the school parking lot, he hit a speed bump too fast causing me to vomit in the front seat, right in front of the group of the 'cool' kids. Yes, they saw and laughed their asses off. FML

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By gatorgirl7563 - 27/01/2016 18:15 - United States - Tampa

Today, I walked into a Fedex & asked the counter clerk if they had a working scanner. She says, “Yes,” then looks more closely at me & adds, while glaring, “But it’s illegal to make uncertified copies of official documents.” Apparently, I really look like a counterfeiter or forger. FML

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By MariaGiovanni - 27/01/2016 18:07 - United States - Long Beach

Today, like everyday, my job requires me to check customers for valid military ID's. I got yelled at, threatened, mocked, and even accused of racism (including against my own races), and sexism (including against my own sex). I'm just the messenger; I didn't make the policy. FML

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By AZcardinals - 27/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Columbia

Today, my family got into a argument about why 1 minute + 1 minute = 2 minutes, and 60sec + 60sec = 1 minute and 20 seconds. Everyone will not talk to each other and is in their room with the door shut. FML.

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By DontKissMeNow - 27/01/2016 17:55 - Italy - Cosenza

Today, my girlfriend came back from a 5-days-work-convention with a huge herpes or her lips. I jokingly asked her if she had kissed someone to get that and she answered: "Don't be stupid, it's a genital herpes!". Well, I guess she hasn't "kissed" anyone then. FML

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By metalheadkitten - 27/01/2016 17:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked to school in the cold. I was asked by 4 people how much I cost. FML

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By itw - 27/01/2016 17:00 - United States - West Barnstable

Today, I was sitting in the middle of midterms and my stomach decided to emulate the sound of what I can only guess is the mating call of an orca Whale. I'm going to the doctors because I have the symptoms of H Pylori. Too bad I can't explain that to all my staring classmates during midterms. FML

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By texan thunder - 27/01/2016 16:50 - United States - Olney

Today, at a basketball game, the veterans were told to stand up in honor of their service. While they were standing, my friend spilled nachos on me. Instinctively I stood up to see what happened. Everyone in the gym looked at me like I was an asshole. Fml

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By MemoKrosav - 27/01/2016 16:45 - United States - Brownsville

Today, I found out that the only reason why the mother of my friend whom I have a crush on let's me spend a lot of time with her is because she thinks I'm gay. FML

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By anonymous - 27/01/2016 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was on top of my boyfriend naked while he was still fully clothed. I suddenly needed to sneeze and I turned away so I wouldn't sneeze in his face, however, as I sneezed I started my period, quite heavily, all over my boyfriends white shirt and work trousers. He was not happy FML

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By Val_123broken - 27/01/2016 15:47 - United States - Mesa

Today, I walked into class not knowing that my best friend planned to shoot a confetti popper. I am now in the hospital from hitting the metal door with my head. FML

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By time to leave - 27/01/2016 15:35 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I found out that just talking about my job raises my blood pressure. I think it's time to quit. FML

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By _drew_18 - 27/01/2016 15:12

Today, I girl I have loved for 2 years listed me as her brother on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 15:08 - United States - High Point

Today, it's official. I can't shit after having anal sex with my well endowed boyfriend. I can however bend over to pick something up at work and let one rip so loudly that not only the office staff noticed, the waiting room on the otherside of a glass window noticed too. FML

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By pikagirlz2014 - 27/01/2016 14:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was finishing up cleaning my house for a house inspection, upon finishing, my toddler decided to rip off his nappy and pee all over the carpet, right when the real estate lady knocked at the door

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By puppy5263 - 27/01/2016 14:45 - United States - Naperville

Today, in English class, we were reading, and one student asked the teacher why it is bad to lie about your virginity. It's a college class. FML

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By thatonechicklost - 27/01/2016 14:43 - United States - Norcross

Today, I found out that according to my husband, the mental scarring of being raped multiple times isn't as bad as it seems. In fact to the women on Craigslist he's been emailing he describes it as "emotional issues" so "sex isn't happening right now" as his reasons for why he needs side chicks. Fml

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By DjSwifter - 27/01/2016 14:37 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, my mom dropped a jar of what I presumed was flour on the floor, halfway through cleaning it she tells me it's my grandma. I didn't even know my grandma had died, let alone been cremated. FML

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By jaded_seattle - 27/01/2016 14:34 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got off from the bus and saw this old woman who seemed to be attempting to cross the street. I rushed to her and guide her while I sign to the cars to slow down and stop. It turns out she was just standing there waiting for a taxi. She got really mad and told me to take her back there. FML

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The Top

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 850

You deserved it 4 456

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 605

You deserved it 61 324

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

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You deserved it 5 775

Today, after extensive tests, I found out I'm neurologically incapable of forming habits. If I stop doing something for any reason, I have to find a new way, or never do it again. This includes work, hobbies, study, and even basic hygiene. FML

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You deserved it 185

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 508

You deserved it 225

Today, I got word that my aunt has dementia and will be moving into our big family estate. And just like with my grandpa, grandma, great-aunt, great-uncle, other grandma, father, and uncle, I will be expected to put my life on hold and be her primary caretaker. I never got my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 98