Nearly FMLs

By Jacoobie - 09/02/2016 20:16 - United States - East Providence

Today, I dyed my hair red/purple, and accidentally used way too much dye. The day after, I had gym class, and after running I started sweating pink, and it dried on my face, hands and neck. I look like a pink version of the Hulk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FryingPanHero - 09/02/2016 20:05 - United States - Marietta

Today, I had dinner with my best friend and his fiance. When my friend went to the bathroom, his fiance confided to me that she doesn't trust that he won't cheat on her in the future. One of the reasons was because he looked at our waitress for too long. They're getting married in four days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anon - 09/02/2016 20:02 - United States - Pomona

Today, I typed my essay and put my laptop on sleep mode. My laptop decided to automatically update when I decided to resume. I hadn't saved my essay. 8 hours of work down the drain FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By :( - 09/02/2016 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, during class a kid next to me farted, trying not to embarrass him, I looked away and pretended I didn't notice. Everyone instantly stared and blamed me and due to my social anxiety I was too scared to talk and say otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hamiltonma - 09/02/2016 19:53 - United States - Boone

Today, we are having a huge snow storm. My manager insisted that I come to work, even though the roads are quite treacherous. I've been here, alone, for five hours. I haven't had a single customer, and am stuck here until tomorrow morning. At least there is a couch in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By fml16 - 09/02/2016 19:48 - United States - Lewisburg

Today my wife met my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By thedaughterofpoverty - 09/02/2016 19:46 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my mother acquired $800 in cash, and was on her way to the bank to deposit in her account. It was stolen by a delivery person when she made one stop at a cafeteria to help my father at work at 7am. My dad and I bring less than $40 000 in income for our family of 6. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By torrea - 09/02/2016 19:44 - United States

Today, I told my best friend to choose me or the drugs she's on.... I haven't seen her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By xoxo - 09/02/2016 19:36 - Australia - Eltham

Today, I found out that I can't ski because it gives me unimaginable back pain, but if I don't go on my school ski trip I loose half my final grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hawaiiankitty - 09/02/2016 19:33 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my brother saw my cat throw up on my bed. Instead of telling me or taking the sheet off my bed, he got me Wendy's. I slept on the vomit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Onigori - 09/02/2016 19:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I performed a piece I've been working on for weeks. I had it memorized, ran through it several times earlier, and had it near perfect. When it came time to perform for class, I made the ugliest noise I've ever made. I have no idea how or why, but I failed the performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 19:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I'm wary around guns as I've been held at gunpoint. In theatre, I refuse to point the prop gun directly at anyone and also use no-contact hits as I've been taught. Fight Director was upset as I'm not realistic enough by pointing the gun slightly upstage and not punching other actors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Pixelatedpotato - 09/02/2016 19:21 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was carrying some boxes to the attic when my brother hit me in the face with a piece of pvc-pipe, busting my lip, leaving a bloody nose, knocking me on my ass, and causing me to drop the box of books on my foot, he's 21 and this isn't the first time this has happened since he turned 20, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kittykatjaure - 09/02/2016 19:21 - United States - Columbia

Today, I woke up to my unwelcome monthly visitor, my period. right now, I'm sitting in my gynecologists office for my appointment that took me weeks to get. this is my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uhoh - 09/02/2016 19:15 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today I met my advisor to talk about my research project, he got so excited about it that I couldn't tell him I'm leaving after this term so wont actually be carrying it out but need to write the outline to pass this term. He want us to start this term to give us extra time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By princessace13 - 09/02/2016 18:45 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had to explain to my grandma that no, I am not trying to kill her and I never threw her against the wall. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By epiccrazy - 09/02/2016 18:36 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my 70 yr old Mom asked me to buy her a penis pump to help Dad "get it up again". I just ordered it on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CaptFartGiggle - 09/02/2016 18:21 - United States

Today, My crush had invited me to a party that she was hosting, I had finally got a job earlier this week also, the exact hours I'm working is when the party starts and ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Traeggell - 09/02/2016 18:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I dropped my lock in the locker room. I bent down to grab it and when I stood back up a penis hit my face FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss spent the afternoon berating me for being lazy after not doing a task he specifically told me not to do. Apparently, this was a test to 'see if I would work even if I was told not to'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PizzaFace - 09/02/2016 18:08 - United States - Damascus

Today, I've finally managed my acne to the point where I only break out for about a week, once a month. Unfortunately, it's hormonal acne, and coincides with my period. Now I get cramps, bloating, AND pimples, at exactly the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sam - 09/02/2016 17:56 - Sri Lanka

Today, I started my first part time job waiting tables at a newly started cafe. One hour into working I managed to break more plates and cups than the amount of customers who came in. I think I will be fired tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tu244 - 09/02/2016 17:50 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was unapproved for the apartment of my dreams. To cheer me up, my fiancé suggested we grab a couple of drinks. At some point in the night, I managed to lose my ID. Now I can't buy drinks and need an ID to apply for more apartments. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 17:41 - United States - Damascus

Today, I found out that due to my own stupid error, I owe all the money I thought I'd saved to taxes. Upset at what a dumbass I am, I texted my fiancé, who proceeded to 'comfort' me by bragging about how well he's doing at his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By juangon2 - 09/02/2016 17:38 - United States

Today, in the process of washing my face I spent a good 20 minutes trying to pop a stubborn black head only to realize that, shortly after I started bleeding profusely , that it was a mole. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By NotYourMother - 09/02/2016 17:36 - United States - Damascus

Today, I took my fiance out to dinner to celebrate my getting a raise at the end of a hard week. Being the mature adult he is, he ignored the waitstaff completely, ordered food he didn't want to eat, and loudly chewed with his mouth open. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Lonely_Kid - 09/02/2016 17:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I found my side-view mirror which was stolen two months back. Initially feeling happy, I realized that it was on my land lord's daughter's scooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WickedDrySpell - 09/02/2016 17:17 - United States - Denver

Today, I fantasized about boyfriend coming home early and ravaging me. Mid-fantasy, I heard his key in the lock, so anxious-me panicked and pulled up my pants. It took hours for him to accept that I wasn't chatting with some guy online. He wouldn't even look at me. I still feel really ashamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 16:59 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, my dog dug through the garbage can because he smelled food. It was mushrooms I had picked out of my lunch because I don't like them. Apparently my dog doesn't like them either, because he chewed them up, spit them out, and left them strewn across the floor with the rest of the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 16:53 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I receive my schedule for the month of my new job: I got less than 10 hours per week. The reason I left my old job was because they didn't give me enough hours. I don't know if I will be able to pay my apartment or even be able to eat properly . FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 719

You deserved it 4 615

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 796

You deserved it 6 716

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 2 757

Today, my boyfriend keeps mentioning how well his new job pays, while I don’t have any income. He then got upset when I expected him to pay for the groceries I got on my way to his new place. What I bought was stuff I needed so I could cook for him, and for me to eat while I’m there, cleaning and fixing stuff for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 314

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 420

You deserved it 4 829

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 3 589