Nearly FMLs

By kailalanicole - 10/02/2016 02:23 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, after weeks of watching what I eat and trying to look better for my boyfriend he called me his little fatty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alright then - 10/02/2016 02:21 - United States - Frankford

Today, I found out how racist my parents really are when they told me how immigrants are ruining America and only coming here to terrorize us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By way overdue - 10/02/2016 02:09 - United States - Moncks Corner

Today, before I got married my then fiancé and I used to have unbelievable sex. Now being married almost a year to him I have orgasmed only twice oh and we have sex at the most 3 times a month. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SneakyLemon117 - 10/02/2016 01:59 - United States - Norman

Today, is the day I got cleared to longboard after knee surgery, meaning I can get to class on time when going in between classes. Sadly, it is also the day that someone stole my longboard. The police can't do anything with the security footage. I just get to watch him do it over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By it's dam-it - 10/02/2016 01:42 - United States - Clover

Today, I walked in on my sons chatting. It would be fine if my 14 year old wasn't teaching my 8 year old how to pronounce swears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 01:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out that my two best friends and the rest of our friend group went to my asshole ex boyfriend's house for a bbq. They tried to tell me it was my fault because I've been depressed lately, and I should just "get over it" Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By didn't cheat - 10/02/2016 01:33 - United States - Clover

Today, the girl next to me and I had the exact same answers on our science tests. I got suspended because the principal figured one of us cheated, and since my grades are lower I must have done it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kat - 10/02/2016 01:33 - United States - Stevens Point

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? By simply opening up my car door. My doctor kept asking if I'm sure there wasn't any ice, it was that improbable.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Frozen - 10/02/2016 01:28 - United States - Crestwood

Today, my dad told me to give him my phone or take the garbage cans to the end of the driveway. It's currently below freezing, snowing and the driveway is iced over. A couple of hours ago it was none of these things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By child no - 10/02/2016 01:26 - United States - Clover

Today, I came home to find my little 4 year old innocently blasting and singing the Illuminati song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sherlock639 - 10/02/2016 01:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a phone case with a picture of my dog on it. I had to give my dog away 2 months ago. Now I can't look at my phone without wanting to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ReComatosed242 - 10/02/2016 01:22 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument over who's a better worker, the argument ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they look like "fresh popping doughs" I'm scared now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By paper_paradise - 10/02/2016 01:06 - United States

Today, I saw my father in Starbucks and I haven't seen nor spoken to him in 15 years.. The first thing he said is 'Jenny' gave me a huge hug and said how much he loved me and that he's sorry.. It'd be literally amazing but my name is Nicole

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FuckyouFredPhelps - 10/02/2016 01:02 - United States - San Diego

Today, my son's funeral was protested by the Westboro Baptist Church. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gone fishin - 10/02/2016 00:59 - United States - Sedgwick

Today, I was at my friend's house, and we were eating Oreos. My friend dropped one, picked it up, and told me to eat it. So, being the spontaneous little nit wit I am, I ate it. He decided to wait till after I swallowed to tell me there was a huge-ass hair on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Spooky - 10/02/2016 00:57 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my mom saw a minuscule spider on the ceiling. We are both deathly afraid of them, but this one was too small for me to care. She insisted there was probably a family in the house somewhere, which I thought was unlikely and told her so. I think I just found the spider's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By smellytoes - 10/02/2016 00:52 - United States - Dayton

Today, I woke up to a tickling sensation on my feet. I opened my eyes and looked down at my 14 year old brother sniffing my feet. I yelled at him to stop and he ran away. I confronted him about it later and he swore he had no idea what I was talking about. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dammit - 10/02/2016 00:49 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my fifteen year old son came out to me and I told him it was okay and I love him. Later that day I called my sister and let her know and then said, "well shit, there goes our family blood line". I heard my son burst out crying in the other room as he heard through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AnonAndAnon - 10/02/2016 00:46 - United States - Denver

Today, I spent more time and energy planning masturbation without getting caught than I spent on schoolwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By bloobalooby - 10/02/2016 00:40 - United States

Today, I showed my friend a scary online comic that had a random animated sequence. They got so scared, they threw my laptop away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kkhk1 - 10/02/2016 00:39 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my dad rear ended a student driver while teaching me how to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 00:16 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to have my bra size measured. I'm a '30AA'. That's a cup size SMALLER than an 'A'. I'm 20. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alazye20 - 10/02/2016 00:15 - United States

Today, the light above my jewelry box fell and knocked all my earrings into my rabbits cage. I am now picking through rabbit pee and poo just so I can find all my matching pairs of stud earrings! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SEDPWNS - 10/02/2016 00:13 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to submit the research I've been working on for months to a journal. Later I found out that my advisor had taken my work and submitted it to the journal without giving me credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Virgin Mary - 09/02/2016 23:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw a dick for the first time. It just so happened to be my great grandfather's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 23:40 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, I realized the tissues I took and reused from my grandads bed table when I was really young weren't crusty due to snot, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By superwhovian - 09/02/2016 23:32 - United States - Highland

Today, My dad told me and my younger sisters the earth is only 6000 years old,dinosaurs never really existed and evolution isn't real. He refuses to listen to anything I say and gets defensive when I try to talk to him about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Emasculated - 09/02/2016 23:29 - United States - Selden

Today, while in bed, my girlfriend told me she wanted to try something she's always wanted to do. Thinking she was finally going to give me head, I accepted. She then grabbed my penis and yanked it as hard as she could, screaming "I'M THE MAN NOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 17_love - 09/02/2016 23:27 - United States - Boston

Yesterday I was alone and decided to see if I could literally hear a pin drop. Well i couldn't hear it. Or find it.Today i found it. In my foot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By hahaha-no - 09/02/2016 23:12 - United States - Norristown

Today, I came home after a very rough day at school where I felt sick and dizzy the whole day to do my mountainload of homework. The wifi only works on one spot on the stairs, my little brother and my mom have been screaming at each other for over an hour, and my mom is angry at me for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside in the garden. At 3 a.m., I’m awoken by something licking my face. A dog? A camel. A camel! FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 167

Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 343

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 5 338

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 1 153

Today, I got in line for my flight to visit a friend in England. My mom was there to see me off, and decided to shout "No sex!" while waving, in front of at least a hundred people who will very likely be sharing the transatlantic flight with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 759

You deserved it 3 126

Today, my husband yet again procrastinated on a project for so long, that he now has to work during the weekend. When I asked whether or not we could still spend some free time together, he started ranting about how I ruin his career. He seriously thinks it's about us and not his horrible planning skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 157