Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 08/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Livonia

Today, after finding out a week ago that my gf was pregnant from her last relationship, I find out on Facebook that she is back with her baby daddy. I guess when she said she needed time, she meant "time to get back together with him.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By YouAnchor - 08/02/2016 18:57 - United States

Today, I walked in on my little brother jerking off to the Mona Lisa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 4

By ellerios82 - 08/02/2016 18:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I had to go poop really bad, so I rush upstairs to the bathroom to do so. In mid-poop, I realized that I left the toilet paper downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By kitty_Kat777 - 08/02/2016 18:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriends boss came up to me at the dinner and asked me how my hair grew so fast since the last time she saw me and my boyfriend together. My hair has been the same length since I was 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By walid820014 - 08/02/2016 18:39 - Algeria

Today, guests came to our house. As soon as i entered the room where they were, i farted. What made it even more awkward is my son saying "Nice!" loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By 3rdwheel - 08/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came home early and wanted to surprise my girlfriend who was living with my family due to some problems. I did surprise her alright-she didn't expect to be caught cheating with my sister in a heated make-out session. Now I know why she was so eager about sharing a room with her.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By itsemilyc - 08/02/2016 18:35 - United States

Today, I confused the "Dad" and "Daddy" contacts in my phone. Again... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ReiracsNeve - 08/02/2016 18:32 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I went to the doctors office to get a shot. I am a grown man and cried the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By confuzzledqueer - 08/02/2016 18:26 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that gay-sex was not in fact two erected penises in some sort of a dick-fight. I learned this while talking about queer intimacy to my very gay male friend and did not shut up until he showed me what anal sex was on his phone-to the horror of my sister coming my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 08/02/2016 18:25 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was finally thought my 3 day migraine was gone; nope. It's coming back and there is a constant ringing in my right ear that I've had for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By beyondstupid - 08/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Dallas

Today, my apartment complex was told not to run any water for the time being due to a blockage in the pipeline. What was that blockage? Some shit head decided to flush their weave down the toilet.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By yepthisisit - 08/02/2016 18:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while going to the bathroom this morning, the shower suddenly turned on. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Oops - 08/02/2016 17:58 - United States - Towson

Today, while at a friends wedding the bride and he were dancing. The guy next to me at the bar was watching them and I nudged him and said "imagine the father thinking that his sweet little girl is going to get pounded tonight" he looked at me with pain in his eyes, That was the father of the bride

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By selquist - 08/02/2016 17:47 - United States

Today, I was asked to spy on certain employees on my route. Not twenty minutes later my co-worker comes to me and said "I was just asked to give information about your route times" it seems like my workplace has become hostile FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By BurnMyEyesOut - 08/02/2016 17:42 - United Kingdom - Barrow

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mother taking nudes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Karma - 08/02/2016 17:12 - United States - Flowood

Today, my wife got mad at me for leaving the toilet seat up. I made the mistake of laughing when she told me why she got mad, and got what I deserved after I woke up from a nice sleep to use the bathroom and fell in the toilet after my wife purposefully left the seat up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By IcyMask - 08/02/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, my neighbors dog came into my yard whining. I went out to determine why. He had a gash in his back and when I tried to wash it out maggots started crawling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Taylor - 08/02/2016 16:28 - United States

Today, my boss told me to take a work vehicle to get an oil change and tire rotation. On the way to the shop it overheated. My boss is furious with me stating "that truck worked fine the last five years and suddenly when you drive, it breaks down" the truck has almost 400,000 miles on it FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By saifnaqvi11 - 08/02/2016 16:20 - United States - Katy

Today, I got up on a Monday, went too school for 8 hours, got bored out of my mind and finally got on the bus to go home, then I woke up. Turns out I had dreamed the whole thing, and had to do it all over again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By PingusTheDingus - 08/02/2016 15:29 - United States - Marietta

Today, my mom is so bitchy that she yelled at me for 10 minutes because my shoelace was untied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By brendanr16 - 08/02/2016 15:26 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I realized the most action I have ever gotten with another girl is brushing shoulders in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sarcasmismyno1 - 08/02/2016 15:19 - United States - Madison

Today, I tried to Google "i accidentally marked emails as spam" to see how to fix it. I only typed "I accidentally" when Google's drop down suggestions narrowed down to just one option: "I accidentally killed someone." Those results are customized. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By MrCellophane - 08/02/2016 14:12 - United States - Washington

Today, I realized that, even though I've worked here for over two years, I'm not worth the consideration of printing out a picture on a sheet of paper for people to sign for my work anniversary. The fact that everyone around me has posted theirs on their cubicle walls doesn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By battered and bruised - 08/02/2016 13:50 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I was down the street with my husband and saw some disabled people, he started imitating them. I smacked him and told him to stop, only for an old lady to come up to me and start hitting me with her umbrella. He kept the charade up and acted disabled while yelling "don't let her hit me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 08/02/2016 13:45 - United States - Stamford

Today, somebody commented on my hair and said it made me, "look like a lesbian". Not only am i straight, i'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Not good - 08/02/2016 13:33 - Sweden - Link?ping

Today, my grandfather called about the cellphone he gave me after my own broke had dropbox installed. Every picture I had taken had been uploaded to his dropbox, that also includes some without clothes, in various poses, that were meant for my boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By sasquatchi - 08/02/2016 13:22 - United States - Draper

Today, I found out that my 27 year old girlfriend was only dating me because she is interested in my 13 year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Unknown8211 - 08/02/2016 13:21 - United States - Columbus

Today, the girl I asked to prom said YES! Come to find out, she is dating our manager at work who keeps asking if I'm going to "tap" that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By twoheads - 08/02/2016 13:16 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out my husband of 6 years is also my cousin. I have no idea how we didn't figure this out earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By burnt - 08/02/2016 13:13 - United States - Georgetown

Today, my child told me to jump into the fireplace because I needed to "become a hotter mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 794

You deserved it 4 613

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 430

You deserved it 9 192

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that… so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 4 090

Today, I went to the hospital for wrenching pains in my abdomen. It turns out I have the largest "non removable" kidney stone my doctor has ever seen. It's the size of a fucking walnut. I have to pass the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 127

Today, despite living healthy and being only 40, I have such pathologically cold feet that I can only ever be comfortable while either having them on a hot water bottle or taking a vigorous walk. Everything else feels about as cosy as standing in ice water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 86

Today, an interviewer rang me back, but not to offer me the job. It was to warn me that if my psychotic mother rang him at his home address again trying to bribe and threaten him into giving me the job, then he would call the police and press charges for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 84