Today, I typed out "I WANT LEMONS" as a joke on Facebook. (For those who don't know, lemons are another word for raunchy, steamy fanfictions). My grandma saw the post, then gave me a whole bag of actual lemons. If she knew that I meant "sexy fanfiction", she would have a heart attack. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when I felt something crack on my head. My 6 year-old son had just smashed an egg into my hair. When I asked why, he said, "Mom does it for TikTok." This is how I found out that my wife has been "pranking" him for likes, and thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, and over the past few weeks, my mom has cried, ranted, and posted unhinged TikToks, more than when my sister was almost killed in the meadow behind our house by a drunken hunter, all this because her favorite 'politician' has "unfairly" been indicted several times. FML
Today, like every day, my baby mama is bashing me on social media for not wanting to be involved with my kid's life. What she conveniently leaves out is she got my used rubber out of the trash to impregnate herself because she thought I would leave her soon. I already pay child support, so why can't she just leave me alone? FML
Today, while at a family gathering, my teenage sister-in-law felt the need to loudly point out, several times, that her selfie got more 'likes' than my pregnancy announcement. FML
Today, my OnlyFans account got deactivated, and no one will give me a reason as to why. There goes $200… FML
Today, I found out on LinkedIn that my dad follows and endorses a successful cousin of ours. I guess I didn't make the cut. FML
Today, I don’t know what’s worse, a hacker posting that I have cancer to my Facebook page, or that over 12 hours later not one of my family or friends rang or messaged to ask if it was true or not, except a distant auntie who liked the post 12 seconds after it was posted. FML
Today, I decided to reach out to someone I'd met randomly. I found them on social media and sent them a message. After telling my SO, he pointed out that that was stalking. I'm a creep now. FML
Today, I absentmindedly posted a story of me and my boyfriend to my main stories instead of my “Close Friends” list where my husband is excluded. My husband saw the post. I’m dead. FML
Today, I was contacted from the great beyond by my mother on Facebook. So were most of my family. This occurred within 60 minutes of her passing. Scammers act fast and can even claim that six sons all posting about the death and reporting the account is a lie. FML
Today, my mother commented "Loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML
Today, I can no longer talk to my best friend thanks to his insecure, overbearing girlfriend of 3 months. We never talk about anything that crosses boundaries, and it's actually him who initiates the conversations. She’s forced him to block my number and social media accounts. FML
Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has "politely" posted up on Facebook that he secretly hates me. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend posted a status, ranting about how social media ruins relationships and that you can’t have friends anymore without people “hatin’ and shit.” He conveniently left out the part where he and my best friend were sexting via Instagram DMs and got caught. FML
Today, It’s been six years since I graduated high school. My peers in my grade never included me socially, and lots talked down on me or behind my back growing up. My self esteem was ruined and I’ve been pushed into dead end jobs; meanwhile lots of my bullies are now travelling and/or successful. FML
Today, my mom wished her best friend a Happy Birthday on Facebook. Her best friend died this year. Oh, did I mention that it’s also my birthday? FML
Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML
Today, I have a friend who forbids their kid from any sort of social media, internet, or way to communicate. Other than school, they have no social life. Yet, they seem happy and like life is amazing. My kid has all of it and I thought I was just being a good parent, but they are depressed as fuck. FML
Today, after I made a new Snapchat account 3 days ago, I've already been blocked like 100 times for little reasons. I get blocked more than any normal person, even when doing nothing wrong. I wish people liked me. FML
Today, I looked up my current boyfriend's ex's TikTok, and I realized how much I look like her. So now I'm wondering if he's only dating me to get over her. FML
Today, I found out my husband has another Instagram account. I tried adding it but it’s a private account. When I asked about it, he claimed he didn’t know what I was talking about and threw a fit about how I’m “butting into people’s business.” I went to check the account again to show him. “User not found.” FML
Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML
Today, I set my relationship status to taken with a fake profile just for kicks. A literal minute later, an acquaintance commented proof that I stole the image from Google. I can't tell if I was busted so quickly because I'm a bad liar, or that people find it impossible to believe that I could get a girlfriend. FML
Today, I stumbled upon a few of my former uni classmates’ social media profiles, all sharing anti-bullying posts and adding sad comments. Really thoughtful of them, if you ignore the fact that these same classmates bullied me relentlessly during my college years, causing me to take antidepressants daily. FML
Today, a patient explained to me what treatment he thought I was supposed to give him by showing me a TikTok video. For one, I'm a surgeon, not a dentist, but even if I was, I wouldn't do root canal treatments at 2 a.m. in an emergency room. FML
Today, my Facebook was hacked. The hacker messaged all my online friends, explaining that "I" was overseas, had run out of money and needed help. Not one person cared enough to respond. I guess the hacker picked the wrong target. FML
Today, another woman tagged my husband in a “Couples' Day” photo montage on Instagram. Some of the photos were taken during those “business trips” he was having, including when he traveled due to his “grandpa” passing away. We have 3 children and I gave birth to our last daughter a month ago. FML
Today, I sent a text to the girl I've been getting to know online, text which was meant for my best friend. It was a screenshot of my her Instagram page with the caption, "I can't believe I'm actually going to talk to her today." FML
Today, I saw on Facebook that my ex of 6 years got married a few days ago. We broke up a year and a half ago because we had different plans; I wanted marriage and kids, and he wanted to “enjoy life and have fun.” Guess I’m not good enough to “enjoy life and have fun” with. FML
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