Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Small world
Today, I learned that my current boss took my fiancé's virginity back in high school. FML
Anonymous
Bristol, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Art installation
Today, I discovered that if you cum down the sink every day for a year, it doesn't just wash away, it makes a gooey, half-cooked semen-baby that your dad has to pull out of the pipe when it gets clogged up. FML
Disgustedafffd
🌶️ Spicy
I hardly know you
Today, I found out my husband’s obsession with Hentai. Dozens of pictures and videos of half-naked Japanese anime girls. The most horrifying thing was the fact that he’s actually in a sexual relationship with his secretary, who is a petite Asian girl. I’ve just given birth to our second child. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Suspicious minds
Today, my girlfriend explained to me that when we have sex regularly, I'm in a noticeably better mood than when we don't have sex. Apparently, that means I'm immature, and she's questioning the value of our relationship. I thought it was normal for sex to make people happy. FML
Heartbroken
🌶️ Spicy
What's going on here?
Today, I came home from work to hear loud moans coming from the room that my husband and I share. I barged in and both he and this girl are scrambling around the room. He’s a music teacher and claimed he was giving her vocal lessons. That would make more sense had they both not been half naked. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Love and marriage
Today, literally the only thing that now motivates my husband to do anything is sex. Not food, money, humour, or anything. Once he’s had sex, he’ll do anything I ask him to for about 8 hours, then he turns back into a depressing, shiftless lump who either goes to work, sits in his chair, or sleeps. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Another one bites the dust
Today, every guy I've dated in the last 5 years loses interest after we've had sex, no matter how long I wait. The worst part is none of them will tell me what's wrong with me, they all just act like everything is fine, whilst "phasing it out." FML
Anonymous
St Louis, United States 🌶️ Spicy
On a loop
Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML
Viscerion
Adelaide CBD, Australia 🌶️ Spicy
Unappreciated
Today, I'm unloved by my partner. She has not made love with me for one and a half years. On our anniversary two years ago, she told me we had nothing to celebrate, that I had achieved nothing in more than a decade we have been together. I lost 25 kgs and got a new job earning around 80K a year. Still nothing. FML
FvckedUpNow
🌶️ Spicy
Totally worth it
Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
That's not how any of this works
Today, I gave my hubby a hand massage as he's beginning to deal with carpal tunnel issues. He then proceeded to tell me, and I quote, "This is the consequences of not properly stretching as a young guy. I did stretch pussy though." FML
Anonymous
Ilminster, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
U wot m8?
Today, my now ex-boyfriend said to me, “Who’s your daddy?” during the deed and it was so off-putting, I said my dad's actual name. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Tempted?
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
dickless wonder
🌶️ Spicy
Small is beautiful
Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML
where’d she learn it?
United States 🌶️ Spicy
The gift of insecurity
Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML
pig!
🌶️ Spicy
Fake news
Today, I went out on a first date. He was funny, laidback, and handsome. We had an amazing time but I declined to go back to his house, not wanting to rush things. He said he understood and respected my choice. Later online he bragged about “banging some cheap slut for the price of a meal.” FML
Deenadd
Seattle, United States 🌶️ Spicy
The growth
Today, I discovered an open wound right above my penis. I can’t put a Bandaid on it because the hair down there repels it. There’s something repulsive about seeing something like that on your own body, especially when you just want to jerk off. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
New sex tape just leaked
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me when I saw a sex tape in which he was in. He claimed it was from before we met. I went to delete it and I clicked “info” by mistake and I ended up seeing the date it was filmed and even the location. I still haven’t told him I know. FML
krissy8799
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Braggadocious
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Possessive
Today, my 13 year-old autistic step-son has been having a meltdown all afternoon and has attacked me three times. Why? He discovered me and his mother are having sex, you know, almost as if we were a married couple. He’s getting worse; no matter what we do, he is definitely getting worse. FML
Anonymous
Stanford, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Supportive
Today, my boyfriend of 8 months was having a really bad day at work. Thinking I would cheer him up a bit, I send him a picture of myself while I was changing. His response? He dumped me. He said it was unprofessional and immature of me to do that. He works in the middle of nowhere, by himself. FML
Anon
🌶️ Spicy
Classic move
Today, after being severely depressed for a week, I was having sex with my boyfriend when got so anxious that I threw up. FML
solo
🌶️ Spicy
Girls' trip!
Today, I'm on a road trip with my girlfriends, and they're all telling each other stories about their sex lives. Me, as I'm a virgin, I'm writing this FML, bored to death due to not having anything to contribute to the conversation. FML
Kye Hooper
Perth, Australia 🌶️ Spicy
Independance, now!
Today, I found out that my partner doesn't ever want sex from me again. I'm too broke to leave her, so I guess my sex life is over. FML
Nublet
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Effective
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
safety first
🌶️ Spicy
Red flag
Today, my boyfriend told me that having my own condoms is unattractive, emasculating, and a turn off. According to him it's the man’s responsibility to provide the protection, and the fact that I have my own means I must have been very promiscuous if I needed to have them on hand. I’m allergic to the pill. FML
It's a foot long
This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff
🌶️ Spicy
How can I put this…?
Today, I have to figure out how to tell my vision-impaired father that his ex-girlfriend left their double pronged dildo out on his dresser when she moved out. I see it when I bring him his coffee every morning. FML
Anonymous
Coventry, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Creepy admission
Today, I found out that my cousin has an OnlyFans, and I subscribed. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Frustrated wank
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Couple of issues
Today, my boyfriend confessed the reason we haven’t been intimate in months is because he can’t get it up unless he is drunk. I’ve been refusing to get intimate when he’s drunk because it’s not enjoyable and mostly painful, but I still have needs. FML