Jeanine · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Easily distracted

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 393 You deserved it 5 840

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Anonymous · 12 November 2023, 20:00

I wanna be your dog

Today, my wife lost her patience with her aunt but because she can't say anything to her, she takes it out on me. Then she also blames everything on me, in that I didn't do enough to make it stop. I went against my family and relatives to be with this woman, but I get treated as a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487 You deserved it 339

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Anonymous · 11 November 2023, 22:00 ·Germany

Very sus behaviour

Today, after 5 months in his new apartment, the only kitchenware my boyfriend has unpacked is one single butter knife. He will not unpack the rest, or let me do it for him, so if I want to so much as eat a yoghurt or stir my coffee, I have to bring my own spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 186

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Anonymous · 11 November 2023, 06:00

Understanding

Today, after I met a girl on Tinder I would very much like to date, we finally arranged our first date. As I rushed to my car in my best suit, I had a flat tire. The trains had stopped running, and a taxi to that distance was easily £200. She accused me of being a catfish and blocked my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 11 November 2023, 00:02

Here comes trouble

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's new friend is actually her "replacement". They met a few months ago, and she's really cool, we share the same interests, it's nice to spend time with her, etc., but my girlfriend planned to break up with me and "trained" her because she doesn't want me to be lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672 You deserved it 147

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HousewifeBlues · 10 November 2023, 21:00 🌶️ Spicy

Cool beans

Today, I confronted my husband about the sexts between him and another woman. He says it’s “just chatting” and “It’s not like I’m gonna do it in real life, I got you baby.” He called me unreasonable for getting upset. He’s sulking right now because I refused to fix him dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806 You deserved it 137

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Nope · 10 November 2023, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Pros and cons

Today, my girlfriend only gets horny on her period. Unfortunately, she also gets extremely gassy, so I get to smell her vile farts the entire time. I think this relationship is turning me asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510 You deserved it 174

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Anonymous · 10 November 2023, 04:00 ·Germany

His place or your place?

Today, my boyfriend has covered his windows in heavy-duty garbage bags, all the while complaining that his apartment has no view. In our old place, which did have a view, he always kept the blinds closed and never opened the windows more than 2 centimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423 You deserved it 126

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Pauline · 9 November 2023, 09:00

Much appreciated

Today, the token of appreciation from my husband after paying off his student loan debt, being his support system when his mother died, and cooking and cleaning for his ass everyday, is him getting my sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916 You deserved it 123

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FUCKING IDIOT · 9 November 2023, 04:00

Are you OK?

Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319 You deserved it 857

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propose_you_freakin_coward · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Singapore, Singapore

You snooze, you lose

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 955 You deserved it 6 865

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Roy · 8 November 2023, 12:00 ·Los Angeles, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Here's to another 20!

Today, it’s been 20 years since my then girlfriend of 2 weeks fell asleep while I was going down on her. She claimed it was because she was so ‘relaxed’ with me. I married her anyway. Now, she’s still very, very ‘relaxed’ with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 You deserved it 521

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Anonymous · 8 November 2023, 08:00

Toxic masculinity

Today, my uncle was showing the scars he got fighting a wolf in defence of his wife. On the drive home, my girlfriend dumped me because she could never see me being man enough to fight a wolf for her. She made me stop the car so she could catch a bus back to her mom's house and never see me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674 You deserved it 157

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Anonymous · 8 November 2023, 00:02

Don't mess with family

Today, it's 49 days until Christmas, and all I can think of is how it’s mine and my partner's first Christmas together but she’ll be out of town. Apparently, she’d rather hang out with her whackjob family rather than my normal, stable family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 You deserved it 1 204

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Anonymous · 7 November 2023, 22:00 ·Osaka, Japan 🌶️ Spicy

Oddly specific question

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he’d love me if I were a worm. His answer involved chopping me in half and having a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114 You deserved it 686

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Anonymous · 7 November 2023, 20:00 ·Trussville, United States

Popular

Today, my mother-in-law invited all my wife’s friends and family, and my family, to her baby shower, well over a 50-60 people. Two people came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580 You deserved it 132

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Anonymous · 7 November 2023, 16:00 ·Italy

Bugging out

Today, there's a guy in my class who I'm very attracted to. I'm hyperconscious of him for that, and I worry about the impression I give. By now though, there have been at least two different eye contact occasions that made it look like I was staring at him when I was NOT, and now I must look like a creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 You deserved it 492

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Jabba · 7 November 2023, 14:00

Not cool, dude

Today, I met my Bumble date. I was so excited because it’s my first date in 6 years. We exchanged hellos and he said he needed to use the restroom. Turns out he left. When I messaged him to ask what happened, he told me, “I agreed to go on a date with the hot girl in the photos, not a contestant from 'My 600lb Life'.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 318 You deserved it 886

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Fail · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Creepy

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me, talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "So… does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 470 You deserved it 3 124

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Anonymous · 7 November 2023, 06:00

Parental advice

Today, I was going on my first date. I was planning my outfit with my mom when my dad offered his advice. “That boy won’t care what outfit you’re wearing, just make sure you wear sexy underwear and carry a condom, guaranteed first date success. That’s how me and your mom got married, you know?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 485 You deserved it 133

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Hopkinsville, United States

Limited edition prank

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 721 You deserved it 4 329

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Anonymous · 7 November 2023, 00:02

Polytrouble

Today, I'm in a polyamorous relationship. My husband and my boyfriend are both aware and are okay with it. Today they met. Not only are they okay with each other, they’ve hit it off. They've drafted a schedule of which days they want, meals, and chores for me on those days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 985

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Anonymous · 5 November 2023, 18:00 ·Santo Domingo Este, Dominican Republic

Blown my cover

Today, I thought it would be interesting to flirt with a colleague from work via WhatsApp, I just forgot that my WhatsApp Web was open when I plugged the HDMI to the screen. The colleague is the director of the company, and 300 coworkers read the entire conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 1 076

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Mike-al · 5 November 2023, 09:00 ·Germany

Nervous

Today, I was the ring bearer at a wedding, something I'd been nervous about being ever since the groom asked me. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped over nothing and the ring flew from the little silk pillow and rolled into a nearby pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 197

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Gary · 5 November 2023, 00:02 ·Ukraine

One way street

Today, I dressed up for work, even though I work from home. My wife insists that I look great in suits, she wanted me to wear them at home, and I don't really mind. On the other hand, she keeps wearing the same dirty clothes for two weeks because she doesn't care about how she looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443 You deserved it 134

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NotBridezilla · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Klamath Falls, United States

Bridezilla

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 469 You deserved it 900

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MoodKilled · 4 November 2023, 08:00

Loveshack

Today, my girlfriends and I had planned a movie night. When she got home, she took her laptop and some snacks we prepared, and spent the evening playing online games. When I asked if I should wait for her, she told me to go and "watch some shit on Netflix, I don't really care" without looking away from the laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 4 November 2023, 04:00

Doghouse

Today, stressed to the point of breakdown over my impending daughter's birth, I went to a small church. After a long talk with the pastor, I finally began to feel some calm and peace. Too bad my wife flipped out, accused me of wanting to make her a "handmaid" and made me sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 175

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Lena · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Germany

Lonely hearts

Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747 You deserved it 3 218

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 16:00

My mum is weird

Today, my mum came to visit me in the country where I'm studying. We went out, and when she saw a dude eating something she liked the look of, she made me run after him to ask where he bought it. The guy was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439 You deserved it 126

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