Minding my own biz · 26 May 2026, 20:00 ·United States

No kidding

Today, at brunch, a friend started talking about wanting kids. The table immediately turned into a debate about whether having children is selfish, noble, irresponsible, or “bad for the planet.” The waiter came back 3 times asking if we were ready to order, while 8 adults argued over the future of humanity next to untouched eggs Benedict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287 You deserved it 132

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hii · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

You had to ask

Today, I was babysitting a one year-old. She'd just learned how to say yes, so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said, "Yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty. She looked at me and said, "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 819 You deserved it 14 814

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Anonymous · 25 May 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Toxic

Today, thanks to grandparent rights, I have to allow my toxic mother, who forced me into beauty pageants when I was a kid, to visit my kids. I hate her so much but I don't have a choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 24 May 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Fine, stay there!

Today, my punishment for my 14 year-old troublemaker son seems to have badly backfired. My husband and I sent him to live with my strict disciplinarian father for a while, and not only has he changed, but he loves it there and refuses to come home. My dad is on his side. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 569

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Anonymous · 24 May 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Should've gone to KFC instead

Today, my ex had the bright idea of trying to bond with our son by taking him to a UFC fight. Our son is only 8 and autistic. It’s been hours and he hasn’t stopped crying about the "big scary men that kept hurting each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 99

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Anonymous · 24 May 2026, 00:00 ·Albuquerque, United States

Dementia?

Today, my dad called me a pussy and said I wasn't a real man, simply because I hugged and kissed my son and told him that I loved him. It gets even better though. My dad was openly affectionate and loving to me when I was a kid, then somewhere along the line, he became this horrible person. Can't go no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429 You deserved it 72

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Anonymous · 23 May 2026, 15:00 ·United States

In this economy??

Today, my wife and I have been fighting, and she's threatening divorce. Why? Because I don't want to have a second kid. We cannot afford another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 You deserved it 75

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Anonymous · 23 May 2026, 03:00 ·United States

This is us

Today, CPS came to my door because they found out that I didn't report it when my sister abandoned her kids on my doorstep. They're telling me that I'm going to have to take them down to the foster care center and go through the proper channels if I want to keep them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 86

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Anonymous · 22 May 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Time waster

Today, my wife reported our neighbor for leaving her son home alone while she works during the day. Her son is 13 years-old. I am so completely embarrassed and my wife keeps justifying what she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 21 May 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Bad grandma

Today, I'm grounded for literally the whole summer because my parents found out that I was still seeing my grandma behind their backs, even though they banned her from ever seeing us again after she spanked my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379 You deserved it 129

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Anonymous · 20 May 2026, 12:00 ·United States

I can't get behind that

Today, my whole family turned on me because I absolutely refused to attend my son's wedding, even though he really wanted me to walk him down the aisle. He married the woman he cheated on his ex-wife with, and abandoned their kids. That's why I refused to attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575 You deserved it 85

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Anonymous · 19 May 2026, 12:00 ·Irving, United States

Cut off

Today, my former sister-in-law, who I was once so close to, said that we can't be friends or anything like that anymore because now that she's divorced from my cheating asshole brother, it's too painful for her to be around our family, even for the sake of my kids. I hate him so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453 You deserved it 59

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Science101 · 19 May 2026, 09:00 ·United States

For science!

Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 You deserved it 352

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Biancap · 18 May 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Shambles

Today, I found out my husband isn’t the biological father of our daughter when we consulted about the bone marrow transplant formula she needs for her leukemia. I don’t know who the real father is because I had a drunken one-night stand at a friend’s birthday party. My marriage and daughter’s life is in shambles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 You deserved it 999

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What the fuck, son? · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Amerongen, Netherlands

Ya winning, son?

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 685 You deserved it 7 924

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Anonymous · 18 May 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Just shut up already!

Today, my sister went from choosing not to have kids because they just aren’t for her to being obnoxiously childfree. We can’t have a single conversation without her ranting about how much she hates children, and parents are pathetic losers. I have three kids and don’t want her around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454 You deserved it 92

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Cal · 18 May 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Manipulation demon

Today, I convinced my daughter to tell my wife that the coworker she’s been getting a bit too close to lately touched her inappropriately so she’d stop interacting with him. After arguing and confrontation between the four of us, my daughter threw me under the bus and told them the truth. Now they’re all mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 You deserved it 1 117

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Anonymous · 18 May 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Can't cope

Today, all of my friends and family have ostracized me, and no one is willing to talk to me about anything, because I gave my baby up for adoption after my husband died. Nobody understands that I'm not cut out to be a single mom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 559 You deserved it 272

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Anonymous · 17 May 2026, 15:00 ·Windsor, Canada

Mix up

Today, my friend, her husband, their baby and I went to a baseball game. The lady next to us asked if her and his kid was mine and her husband's kids. She's 5 years older than me and a different race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 You deserved it 72

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Anonymous · 17 May 2026, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

No contest

Today, I'm sick of my wife’s attitude. Apparently, when she has the kids by herself it’s "parenting", but when I have the kids it’s “babysitting” or “helping out” or my new favourite “the least you can do, you lazy asshole.” When added up, I parent the kids by myself more hours than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 72

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trauma · 16 May 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Accidental exposure

Today, my three year-old son excitedly went to the window to watch the construction site next door. He does this all the time and it's adorable… at least, it was until a man got run over by a bulldozer with him watching. He screamed for hours and now cries if I don't keep the curtains closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519 You deserved it 73

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Anonymous · 16 May 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Thanks, morons

Today, several anonymous customer complaints prevented me getting employee of the month, which also means I’m not getting my raise. The complaints came from my son and his friends, who thought it was funny. My wife has early dementia and can’t work, so I needed that money, so so badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 15 May 2026, 20:00 ·Centreville, United States

Let me in!

Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 437

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T_T · 15 May 2026, 09:00 ·Kanakapura, India

Late bloomer

Today, a sixth grader complained to me about her emotionally cheating ex and her current boyfriend. I haven't had a single partner yet. A 12 year-old has a VERY EXISTENT and better love life than I do. When I said this to her she said "Well, at least your parents love you." They didn't. I need therapy. And a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352 You deserved it 105

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Anonymous · 14 May 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Who even are you?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend didn't have a son that died in a car accident. He's never even had any kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 66

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Anonymous · 13 May 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Mother's Day is sacred

Today, I woke up to a note from my wife, saying that since I spent Father's Day golfing, she booked herself a spa day, so I could take care of our 4 kids and the house like she does every day. She ignored every single one of my calls and didn't even tell me what spa she went to. What mother does that to her family? FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 1 588

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Anonymous · 13 May 2026, 00:00 ·Bournemouth, United Kingdom

Wonky birthday!

Today, halfway through assembling a toy kitchen for a birthday, I realized the instructions made no sense and half the screws looked identical. I still somehow finished it and felt triumphant until the kid opened the oven door, the whole thing tipped sideways, and I had to spend the rest of the party holding it together with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 You deserved it 316

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helenablitz · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Breaking news

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 469 You deserved it 5 184

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Anonymous · 11 May 2026, 22:00 ·Fort Worth, United States

Wingnut

Today, my dad's conspiracy lunatic of a new wife reported my husband and me to CPS because she found out that we vaccinated our kids. I know I shouldn't worry but one single false allegation is all it takes to ruin lives and lose custody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492 You deserved it 57

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Anonymous · 11 May 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Touchy subject

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight and he stormed out, all because I told him that now that as he's no longer in the military and we're not moving around anymore, I want to stop homeschooling our kids and put them in regular school. He refused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477 You deserved it 107

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