Today, I found out I'm going to have a sister. Who’s the mom gonna be? It’s my cousin from my mom’s side. My dad’s excuse? "Well, she ain’t blood related." FML
Today, I found out I am pregnant. I hooked up with my step-dad not that long ago while my mom was out of town. I'm 30 and he wants to tell my mom my baby is his, and I like the idea of telling her, but also know she won’t take it well. FML
Today, I was at my cousin's wedding. In the toasts they talked about how my parents became their second parents and my sister became their new sister, while they've never been a real family to me. I felt like that's my fault, then I felt self-centered thinking about that while others celebrated and confessed their love. FML
Today, my awful future daughter-in-law went off on me and said that I'm just jealous that she's marrying my son and I'm not. Furious, I told my husband, expecting him to side with me, but all he said was, "Well… are you?" FML
Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML
Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML
Today I'm second-guessing getting married because my husband was wonderful to my family, but horribly disrespectful and rude to his own family the whole day. FML
Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML
Today, I was at the airport, on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was four years-old. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to fuck off. The strange man was my father. FML
Today, on my birthday, I worked overtime because I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years. I got out of work and found a bunch of hate filled voicemails from my mom about missing my surprise party. She has never thrown me a party in my life; in fact I haven’t spoken to my mom in 7 months. FML
Today, my husband claimed that his brother is a changed man and that I'm the bitch for not forgetting. Said brother tortured me mentally and forced me into depression to the point of suicide multiple times. It took me four years to breathe normally after he moved out. Why am I married still? AITA? FML
Today, my family finally managed to convince my useless junkie brother to go to rehab. Unfortunately, the stress of dealing with his bullshit has caused my mother, who's been sober 20 years, to relapse. Now we're starting the process all over again with her. FML
Today, due to my parents divorcing 30 years ago, marrying other people, and giving me a handful of half siblings, I found myself in the uniquely unpleasant situation of walking in on my sister having sex with my brother. (Stop panicking, they’re not blood related to each other, work it out!) FML
Today, I bought a cheap cake topper online for my sister's birthday. It arrived with the words “Happy Birthday Mom.” I covered “Mom” with icing and thought nobody would notice. My sister's first comment was, “Why does my cake call me Mom?” FML
Today, my late sister's kids are in separate foster homes and I was told I can't have custody of them because I'm not a resident of their state (California). I can't afford to live there. FML
Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to end my engagement after my fiancé agreed to let several of his obnoxious family members move in without even asking me. He says 'family over everything' but what does that make me? To make matters harder, I just found out I’m pregnant. FML
Today, I had to listen and take in another one of my mom's litanies. She can't understand why my brother violently reacts to her every time she tells him to "let go and move on" and get over his wife's death. She also can't understand why that's not a good way to start a conversation with him to ask him if she could borrow some money. FML
Today, I bought my niece a huge stuffed teddy bear for her birthday because I wanted to be the cool aunt/uncle. She hugged it, smiled, and then immediately hugged the gift bag instead, because apparently it made a "funny" crinkly noise. I have officially been defeated by packaging. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML
Today, I'm getting a divorce after only three months because my wife accepted a job transfer that would require us to move across the country. I'm sorry but I do not want to be away from my kids or my family. FML
Today, everyone says I'm being too hard on my son, who I disowned and went no contact with after he cleaned out all of my late wife's belongings without asking. I have nothing, literally nothing left of her now. FML
Today, my parents canceled our trip to Greece because my siblings were being brats. When I tried to point out that I wasn't doing anything, they just shrugged and said, "Sorry honey." FML
Today, I found out that my son didn’t have to work over Christmas because he "didn’t have enough seniority to get time off." He actually volunteered so that he didn’t have to spend the holiday with us. FML
Today, I drove 15 hours to drop my son off at my parents' for their vacation, just for them to tell me that they changed their minds and they're taking my sister's kids instead. FML
Today, I was let go from my stepmom's family business because she and my dad are getting a divorce, and she says it's too painful and awkward to have me still hired on. I can't afford a wrongful termination suit. FML
Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML
Today, my dad made me come home from work because he couldn’t find his shopping list (on the fridge, in plain sight), his left shoe (by the door, in plain sight), his cane (on the table, in plain sight) or his wallet (in his trouser pocket). He’s 44 and to my knowledge does not have dementia. FML
Today, I suggested to my mom that, as a thank you for me taking care of her 2 dozen animals for weeks, she might get rid of the garbage heaps that have been sitting in inconvenient places for months, and also finally repair the shower in the house I rent from her. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML
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