Embarrassing

Nice sheen

By Vicki - 23/07/2021 14:03 - Canada

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 797

Dungeons and Dragons time

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I was at work with my boyfriend. I was being playful and recounting something that had happened in my D&D session the night before. I imitated the roar from the dragon that the DM had done, and midway though, the postman walked in with a delivery. He walked back out without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 637

Damp patch

By mommy - 17/11/2010 12:09 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I'd caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 526

You deserved it 3 361

Doggy dog world

By Simon E - 03/12/2023 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I was in a Teams call with my work team, and I was getting really annoyed at a woman in the team just waffling on about nothing, I yelled, "Just shut up you fat pig, shut up!", not knowing my mic was unmuted, I had to lie, saying I was yelling at my dog for barking. Not sure anyone believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 085

Save me!

By Zorah - 31/08/2023 04:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to the beach with friends. While splashing around in the ocean and waving to my friends who were sitting on the sand, I got caught in a strong current and had to be rescued by a lifeguard. They gave me a wristband that said, "Needs Adult Supervision". FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 331

Force of habit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 461

You deserved it 7 796

Kinda sus, dude

By Meg - 22/09/2022 10:30

Today, I asked my husband to borrow his phone, since mine had died. His response was, “Well, you have a charger, use it.” When I reminded him that we weren’t at home, he screamed at me in front of everyone at the store, “I’m not letting you go through my phone and that’s final!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 205

Hissing booth

By Carey - 03/09/2023 16:00 - Australia

Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 280

Big lad

By Stronk - 17/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I severely underestimated how strong I am when I attempted to dunk a basketball into a miniature basketball hoop at a swimming pool. I made it, but in doing so I made it fall over, despite the cinder blocks placed on the base specifically to prevent that from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 457

Private talent show

By Juan - 24/04/2024 03:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, we live in a terraced house with very thin walls. For no reason, I sang "Una paloma blanca, I have a huge hairy cock" loudly in the bathroom. I walked down the garden path and encountered my neighbour, who laughed and sang "Una paloma blanca" whilst nodding knowingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 511

Love comes quickly

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend dressed as Black Widow in a professionally-made skintight suit for our anniversary and even dyed her hair red. I was so turned on I did something I’ve never, ever done before: I orgasmed in my pants before she even touched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 199

You deserved it 630

Lightweight

By Anonymous - 30/06/2023 18:00

Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 665

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 460

Nap buddies

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 16:01 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I found out that my father is telling people that we sometimes sleep with each other, meaning it literally. He knows the figurative meaning of that phrase, but insists that “not everyone has a dirty mind.” Thankfully, since I’m an adult he won’t get into legal trouble, but still, ewww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 188

Get outta my way

By Anonymous - 05/06/2023 18:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had a DMV appointment I couldn’t miss. With my one year-old in the car, the anti theft system started going off and I couldn't get it to stop, so we just drove to the DMV with the car alarm going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 168

Garage rock

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 14:00

Today, I encouraged my husband to form a band with some of his other middle-aged friends, I just had no idea they would name their band The Wet Farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 381

Star Wars

By Not an anti-Semite, just a dumbass - 26/02/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I somehow mistook the Star of David for a Pentagram. My Jewish friends were not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 807

Dads gonna dad

By biggrl - 11/05/2021 08:00 - South Africa

Today, I had to ask my dad to drop me off at my doctor's appointment. He insisted on coming up to the waiting room with me. When my doctor came out, he greeted her with, "Hi, I'm the dad, but I won't sit in because she's a 'big girl now'." I'm 21, and I was at my gyno check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 132

Aaaaaaaaargh

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend told me I don't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because, apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 539

You deserved it 464

Stuck with you

By Lance - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with Super Glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 191

You deserved it 54 017

By Sloppy Cashmere - 09/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 892

You deserved it 1 447

By sadgirlhours - 26/08/2019 19:01 - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 1 871

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 375

Stuck on you

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I put on a new pair of jeans and went out. Halfway through my errands, I realized the long sticker with my size was still on the back. I walked around for quite a while advertising my embarrassing waist and leg measurements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 327

Buffing up

By I hate myself - 02/05/2025 20:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, after I finally joined a gym, I was feeling pretty good until I attempted to use a machine I'd never seen before. After 10 minutes of awkwardly pressing random buttons and trying to figure out how it worked, the instructor walked over and asked if I needed help. I had been on the rowing machine, trying to use it as a leg press. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 511

Helping hands

By Anonymous - 02/12/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my first poop at home after having my baby, and it was a total mess. I still have no strength in my legs so while trying to clean myself I fell and couldn’t get up. The only one in the house was my father-in-law, so he had to pick me up naked with poop down my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 123

The Voice

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 06:00

Today, I sent a voice memo of me singing off-key to my boss instead of the actual work-related attachment. My boss replied, "Don't get your hopes up, so stick to your day job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 730

Who am I?

By Frederick - 11/10/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, I think I've figured out why I haven't had any replies to my job applications, or just weird ones. I was sending them from an old email address, which is something like "69_party_dude_420@…" (that's not the actual address, so don't @ me!) instead of my professional one, which is listed on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 588

Job performance

By AZlan - 10/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in a long meeting and desperately needed to fart. I carefully tried to release it slowly, but of course, it was the loudest fart I've ever made. Just after it happened, my boss looked at me and said, “That's the best contribution you've ever made in one of these meetings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 344

Alexa, play "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac

By MadMax - 16/07/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 538

You deserved it 5 364

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 098

You deserved it 5 549

Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 887

You deserved it 10 537

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 479

You deserved it 3 865

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 882

You deserved it 57 460

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 274

You deserved it 2 565

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 740

You deserved it 1 545