Embarrassing

Shudder

By Ohgodmother - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia - Hobart

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall. My mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked, "TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 791

You deserved it 4 085

I got heels, they’re made of plywood

By Morrissey - 06/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party in a packed karaoke bar/restaurant and I drunkenly agreed to sing. I picked a song I thought I knew by heart, only to realize halfway through that the lyrics on the screen were not at all what I thought they were. My brain went for a smoke break or something, and I turned into a rambling mess. The crowd actually booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 406

Naked truth

By Gerry0 - 05/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 424

Speech! Speech!

By Olivia - 03/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 490

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 12:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was at a restaurant for a quite important business lunch. I really had to go to the bathroom, but there was a queue to the only stall in the whole place, so I decided to just "hold it" and power through. Half an hour later, I sneezed and… didn’t exactly hold it in anymore. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 273

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, after softball practice, I could not find my car keys. Emptied my bag completely, no keys. Called a locksmith but he never showed up. Walked across the street to ask the fire department if they could help. After they got into my car, I found them. In my bag. Caught in my scorebook. The fireman just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 358

Felt cute, did delete later

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I posted a picture of myself in a new outfit on Instagram. A few minutes later, my mom commented, “You look gorgeous, but why does your shirt look like it’s from the 90s?” I was too embarrassed to respond, so I just deleted the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 181

There was an attempt…

By Anonymous - 26/03/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 492

Coated in embarrassment

By Kate - 26/03/2025 03:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I ran to hug my mom at the airport, but when I stepped back, I realized I was hugging a total stranger who just so happened to be wearing the same coat as her usual coat. She smiled awkwardly as I backed away and said, “Sorry, I thought you were my mom.” The next level of embarrassment came when I looked up and saw my actual mom staring at me in horror from a few feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 434

Cursed

By Freddie - 25/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 143

Explosive

By Lolo - 25/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I went to the library to study an upcoming exam. I sat in a quiet corner and was feeling focused. Suddenly, I sneezed so loudly that the entire library went silent. I could feel the stares of every student on me as I tried to pretend I didn’t just disrupt the entire study session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 142

I love your work!

By Anonymous - 24/03/2025 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was in a bodega when I spotted a celebrity I’ve had a huge crush on for years. I decided to go up and introduce myself, but instead of saying something cool, I panicked and shouted, "I love your cereal!" They looked confused, and I immediately realized I was staring at the wrong person, just someone who just looked a lot like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 506

Waste of time

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 95

Let me in

By Beatrice00101 - 22/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment, and in a panic, I tried using a credit card to open the door like I'd seen in movies and stuff. Instead of opening the door, I broke my card in half. I then had to call my landlord, who showed up an hour later and said, "Wow, you really tried to break into your own house, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 407

Deviated septum blues

By Trent - 19/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a nosebleed at work after having recent surgery. As I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped and fell, sending blood splattering everywhere. My manager, who was walking by, looked at me and said, “You’re really committed to the bit.” I was too embarrassed to respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 70

Help!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 384

Pissed

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 20:00 - South Africa - Alberton

Today, I went to the movies with some friends. During the movie, I really needed to pee but didn’t want to disturb anyone. So, I waited and waited. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and bolted to the bathroom… only to get locked out of the theater in the process. The staff had to escort me back in during the end credits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 106

Share, not scare

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 214

HELP!

By David - 18/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom at a concert when I realized I was locked in. The door was jammed, and there was no way out. I knocked, I tried to force it, I even climbed through the air vent to escape, only to end up covered in dust and toilet paper. Meanwhile, people outside could hear me yelling “HELP!” for a solid 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 93

Never attempt this

By Melanie - 17/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was texting while riding my bike (yes, I know, terrible idea). I crashed right into a lamppost, and, even worse, a woman walking by laughed and asked, "Did you just text yourself into that pole?" I just laid there hoping for the ground to swallow me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 714

A day to remember

By TitMunch - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 970

You deserved it 4 484

Evasive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 361

You deserved it 2 241

Keep your distance

By Gale - 14/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 491

Munchies

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was munching on almonds while sitting through a long, boring Teams meeting. I was asked a question unexpectedly, causing me to choke while trying to swallow, right as I put the camera on & turned off mute. Some it sprayed out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 202

Rookie mistake

By George P - 12/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 657

Pesky ghosts

By Anonymous - 10/03/2025 22:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was walking down the hallway of my office, texting and not paying attention, when I tripped on… nothing. I just practically face-planted onto the floor, and when I looked up, people chatting in the hallway were staring at me, and asked me if I had tripped over my own foot or if a ghost had pranked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 428

Job performance

By AZlan - 10/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in a long meeting and desperately needed to fart. I carefully tried to release it slowly, but of course, it was the loudest fart I've ever made. Just after it happened, my boss looked at me and said, “That's the best contribution you've ever made in one of these meetings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 349

Leaving blues

By Anonymous - 10/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight when I realized I had forgotten my passport at home. I panicked, called my mom in a frenzy, only to realize I was holding my passport in my wallet the entire time. It was so embarrassing, and my mom will probably never let me forget it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 448

I'm done

By Anonymous - 09/03/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was using a public restroom when the lights suddenly turned off. Panicking, I waved my arms around, trying to trigger the motion sensor, but nothing happened. I had to finish in the dark, and as I was leaving, the janitor noticed me, turned the lights back on, and said, “Yeah, I turned those off earlier to save power. Hope you were OK in there.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 94

Not a people person

By Anna - 07/03/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to sneak out of a family gathering without anyone noticing. As I tiptoed toward the door, I stepped on my aunt's prized chihuahua's squeaky toy. The entire house went silent as it squeaked at quite the volume, and everyone turned to stare at me. My "escape" turned into the most dramatic exit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 243

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The Top

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 527

You deserved it 6 884

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 707

You deserved it 7 361

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 240

You deserved it 4 101

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 260

You deserved it 42 492

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 067

You deserved it 2 275

Today, I had my first job interview since graduating from university. The person who interviewed me informed me that not using my degree after two years practically makes it null and void. I guess instead of being a financial advisor at the company, I could always be a janitor there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 733

You deserved it 1 866