Anonymous · 6 August 2026, 20:00 ·Allentown, United States

Get the hell out of there

Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325 You deserved it 112

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 6 August 2026, 12:00 ·Sanford, United States

Loose fit

Today, I got new thongs that were too big, but wore them anyway. It was fine until they got caught on a door handle when I held the door open with my back. The whole conference room saw the door basically give me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 You deserved it 359

2 comments Share

Cora · 6 August 2026, 09:00 ·Vancouver, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Sexy talk

Today, I got in bed with my guy to have sex with him to distract myself from having diarrhea, when my gut cramped, my butt pushed, and I then doubled over from that as I yelled, "Why must I go doo-day right now?" I don't know what's more embarrassing, that I shit my bed before sex, or I called diarrhea "going doo-dah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 You deserved it 489

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 5 August 2026, 03:00 ·Las Vegas, United States

Room service

Today, I spent at least 10 minutes trying to get into my hotel room because my key card wouldn't work. I finally went to the front desk, where they came along with me, then politely informed me I was trying to open the room next door to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 You deserved it 383

1 comment Share

skittish · 4 August 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Bathroom Ninja

Today, I tried to quietly leave a public toilet at work without anyone noticing how long I'd been in there. The automatic hand dryer turned on as I walked past, making me jump so hard, I walked straight into the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 You deserved it 325

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 4 August 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Here's your reward

Today, I finally had enough reward points for a free coffee. As the barista handed it to me, the lid popped off and the entire drink landed on the floor before I even took one sip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365 You deserved it 80

0 comment Share

Kellie99 · 3 August 2026, 22:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

Love U 2

Today, for some unknown reason, I called my boss "Mum" at the end of a meeting. She paused, smiled, and said, "Aww, love you too, kiddo." The rest of the team in the room lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306 You deserved it 189

1 comment Share

dumbass · 3 August 2026, 15:00 ·Luton, United Kingdom

Showtime

Today, I spent 5 minutes trying to get into my car because the key fob wouldn't work. It wasn't my car. Same model, same colour, same parking spot, just wrong floor. The actual owner was watching me struggle from the Aldi trolley station the whole time, clearly amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 274

0 comment Share

Suzanne · 2 August 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Drive away

Today, I took my car in because of a strange rattling noise. The mechanic charged me nothing, just handed me back my reusable water bottle that had been rolling around under the passenger seat for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 You deserved it 430

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 1 August 2026, 03:00 ·Riverside, United States

Relaxed

Today, I decided to push myself and go to a morning yoga class, despite suffering from horrible insomnia for the past few nights. During child’s pose, I fell dead asleep on my mat and only woke up because I ripped a comedically loud fart and startled myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 124

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 1 August 2026, 00:00 ·United States

No good deed…

Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 You deserved it 350

0 comment Share

[email protected] · 31 July 2026, 09:00 ·Garden City, United States

Toast

Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289 You deserved it 87

3 comments Share

Fonz · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Horny dudes

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 559 You deserved it 57 637

117 comments Share

Flora · 30 July 2026, 00:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Naked

Today, I began my first solo holiday at my family's' lakeside cabin. After an hour of tanning in my fave bikini on the lake beach, I saw that I was alone, got brave enough to take a risk, and took off my bikini so my body could get a full tan. Guess when a family from a nearby cabin chose to also come to the lake for fun… FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 You deserved it 471

1 comment Share

Cucumberboi · 28 July 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Brainrot

Today, I was spelling out a code for a customer and I said, “Q as in Cucumber” and he immediately said, “Cucumber is spelled with a C.” The call was recorded and my boss will probably hear it one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 You deserved it 453

1 comment Share

ym · 26 July 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Leaked

Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272 You deserved it 103

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 24 July 2026, 15:00 ·Sydney, Australia

Toilet break

Today, I was having a bath and needed the loo (they're in separate rooms), and my mother-in-law used the bathroom while I wasn't in it. I walked back in and realised my enema bulb was in full fucking view. I actually want to lie on the ground and let the moss consume me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256 You deserved it 149

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 22 July 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Tech support starts at home

Today, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with tech support before realizing my “broken” printer was unplugged behind the desk and had been the whole time. The agent waited in silence as I was checking, but I was too embarrassed to tell him, so I hung up the phone in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 You deserved it 402

1 comment Share

Jocelyn · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Edmonton, Canada

Use your head

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 733 You deserved it 31 104

68 comments Share

IsThisRealLife · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Read the room

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 156 You deserved it 6 044

60 comments Share

Anonymous · 20 July 2026, 03:00 ·United States

In slow motion

Today, I volunteered to take a group photo at a birthday dinner, backed up for the perfect angle, and sat directly in a bowl of guacamole. Everyone watched it happen like a slow motion accident. No one warned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284 You deserved it 132

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 19 July 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Curtain call

Today, I was part of a community theater play as a prop helper. I was supposed to slide a fake letter under a door, but I got overenthusiastic and kicked it into the audience. The actor improvised, but the crowd laughed harder at my blunder than the actual play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 You deserved it 315

1 comment Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Shame

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130 You deserved it 684

17 comments Share

Douglas · 18 July 2026, 20:00 ·Melboune, Australia

Master the blade

Today, I tried to be helpful at a family dinner and offered to carve the roast. The knife slipped, the serving tray tipped. My uncle caught it with his bare hand like a movie hero. Everyone praised him for dinner-saving reflexes while I quietly sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 You deserved it 312

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 17 July 2026, 15:00 ·Dallas, United States

Creeper

Today, I accidentally liked a social media post from 2017 while scrolling through someone's profile. I panicked and blocked him. Then I remembered that blocking him wouldn't stop the notification from being seen, so I just shut my phone off and unsuccessfully tried to convince myself that it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 You deserved it 347

1 comment Share

Jimmy044 · 17 July 2026, 03:00 ·Adelaide, Australia

Trash

Today, I got myself locked out of my apartment whilst taking the trash out. I was wearing pyjamas, holding a banana, and I'd left my phone inside. My neighbours learned a lot about me, seeing as no one recognised me and I had to explain that I actually live in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 188

1 comment Share

WTF · 14 July 2026, 12:00 ·Calgary, Canada

Hey, how've you been?

Today, I went up and spoke to someone at my local grocery store because I thought he was my neighbor. We chatted for nearly two minutes before he politely said, "I'm sorry, I have absolutely no idea who you are." I still had to finish shopping in the same aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 You deserved it 159

0 comment Share

Awkward · 13 July 2026, 09:00 ·Houston, United States

Squeaker of the house

Today, I wore new shoes to a wedding. Halfway through the ceremony, the left shoe started squeaking with every step. During the silent vows, I had to walk across the room sounding like an angry rubber duck while people turned to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 127

0 comment Share

Dumb girl · 12 July 2026, 09:00 ·New York, United States

Panic mode

Today, I locked my keys in the house. I panicked so hard and immediately started kicking the door, desperate to get my keys. My boyfriend, who I forgot was staying over, woke up and opened the door right as I kicked it, and the door smashed into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 You deserved it 480

0 comment Share

soldier · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

What are you doing?

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 872 You deserved it 10 750

45 comments Share