All the FMLs

MY WIFE!

By Fmlloser - 07/03/2022 00:01

Today, I came home from work to find my things outside my yard and the door locks changed. I called my wife to let me in and she told me to go live with, “That homewrecking whore who texted you last night” instead. She’s talking about my cousin, who informed me via text that my aunt’s in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 110

Lazy

By father of an idiot - 06/03/2022 22:00

Today, my daughter had a flat tire. When she told me about it, I said, “Well, it’s a good thing you know how to change a tire!” She then replied that she has actually forgotten how to change a tire, because it’s “been too long.” It’s only been a couple months since I showed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 302

RIP in peace

By thanksalot - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my grandma died, expecting to be comforted. She got mad at me for "stealing her thunder" because her cat died two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 757

You deserved it 4 593

WOOF WOOF

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 18:00 - Germany

Today, our deaf old dog not only barks for no reason while lying comfortably on her dog bed, lacking for nothing, she now also barks in her sleep. And not those dreamy little yips either; full barks, loud enough to be heard in the next room. Which is where I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 158

Tales of the Unexpected

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 16:00

Today, due to some luck on my part and a really good stockbroker, I was able to retire quite comfortably at 45… at least until my wife told me she's pregnant, and as an added bonus, it’s twins. Now I need a job again, quite desperately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 524

No more clicks for you

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 14:00

Today, after I'd saved a baby mouse and was filming a YouTube series of me taking care of it, my boyfriend told me he found a “rat” in the kitchen, but not to worry he killed it and fed it to the cat. He killed my baby mouse, and now he’s mad I didn’t praise him for his brilliant extermination job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 662

Assumptions

By Heather Scurfield - 06/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Witney

Today, at work, I had some palpitations, which ultimately caused me to become hot, dizzy, and pass out. I couldn't go home because we were so short staffed, and three different colleagues asked me if I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 89

What? How? When?

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 10:00

Today, I got broken up with by someone I wasn't even dating. They had gone radio silent for two weeks and just popped in to say it was "better to be honest" instead of radio silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 92

Healthy hair tips

By EggHead - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 585

You deserved it 37 134

Red flag

By Ugly - 06/03/2022 06:00

Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 358

Nature is healing

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 04:00 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I’m proud and happy for having used my bike instead of my car for almost two months. Well, I was. Until I discovered that my car, though clean, dry and with a moisture absorber inside, has started to grow mold. Everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 160

New balls

By boxerswontdo - 06/03/2022 02:00

Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 317

Scene from a movie

By Mel - 06/03/2022 00:01

Today, I'm crying in an Uber because my significant other just broke up with me. I'm crying quietly but there's no way the driver hasn't noticed at this point. I'm OK with him not saying anything, but he also hasn't changed the music. All that's playing is Pink, and not the loud, girl-power songs, but the sad, slow ones about love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 225

Creepy kid

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 020

Forever alone

By mstar - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving my daily weather update from the Weather Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 075

You deserved it 2 909

Grounded

By Cerise - 05/03/2022 18:00

Today, my sister commented that she wants to audition for The Voice and that she’s sure she’ll make it to the finals. I said, “You have to have raw talent to do so.” I realized the severity of my comment too late as she teared up and stormed out of the room. My mom took my Macbook and car keys away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 470

Low maintenance

By OlCasss - 05/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me about a girl who he loved a few years ago. He said, "She was extremely beautiful, and I fell for her for a long time. But it's like with universities, everyone wants to study at Harvard but finally ends up in a regular university that they can afford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 127

This is America

By LilSquanch - 05/03/2022 07:00 - United States - Terrell

Today, my school caught a kid with a firearm, so during our lunch period we had to stay in our classrooms and nobody can leave and nobody can get food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 117

Shame! Shame!

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 12:00

Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 636

What she said

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 10:00

Today, I unknowingly left a five minute-long voicemail on my boss’s phone, at 3 a.m., while out drinking with friends. I have no idea what we were talking about at that time, but I know I don’t want my boss to have a candid recording of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 549

Rookie mistake

By no selfie for me - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 276

You deserved it 59 963

Suck it up

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 06:00

Today, I work as a phone agent at a call center, which frequently brags about their awards as the "best workplace ever" because of their working conditions. In reality, we have to suck it up and ignore the burnouts from phone calls with Karen customers, and with the wage I get paid, I can barely make ends meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 151

Slippin' and a slidin'

By Imnotfromhere - 05/03/2022 04:00

Today, my dog decided to take a poop at the top of an icy hill. Being a good citizen, I went to clean it up. Guess who slipped and wore the poop all the way down the hill… FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 144

Coming in last

By coriander - 05/03/2022 00:01

Today, my evil twin sister was preparing for her prom. When I saw her trying on her dress, she looked at me and said, “First to get a boyfriend, a prom date, and into college. Maybe you’ll die first?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 103

Baby bird blues

By nerderer - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 445

You deserved it 11 708

Need help

By Nohelpforyou - 04/03/2022 12:00 - Canada - London

Today, I was so depressed that I almost called Kids Help Phone for support. Then I remembered that I’m 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 158

Weebo

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 16:00

Today, my mom walked in on me slow dancing to "Bella's Lullaby" with an anime boy cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 1 075

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 21:00 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, my superior, who went to meet with client yesterday, told me I needed to prepare a detailed list of changes to enhance the design of a marketing video, and refused to tell me the client's feedback they received, then told me I should figure it out myself. It's the weekend, and they want it by Monday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 81

Gamers CAN have a love life

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I was having an affair in The Elder Scrolls Online. While ranting to my online elf husband, he got upset that I had a real life boyfriend and dumped me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 890

Baywatch

By GuardOtto - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 817

You deserved it 4 912

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 97

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 291

You deserved it 9 354

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 977

You deserved it 2 848

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 386

You deserved it 4 197

Today I woke up, had sex with my husband, made breakfast with my kids, had coffee with my mum and sister, and took a call from my boss reminding me I'd agreed to come in today for a few hours for an important meeting. I got suspended without pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 1 251

Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 383

You deserved it 2 755