All the FMLs

Preemptive strike

By youngblood - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 4 910

Cartoonish

By You knock me off my feet - 13/04/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, it's so windy, I actually fell over and nearly flew into the street the moment I walked outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 159

Dead in the water

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 00:00

Today, my marriage must be over. We just spent a week in Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and we never left our hotel room. Not because of constant sex but because my wife couldn’t be arsed to get dressed, be romantic or anything. She sat on her tablet watching Netflix IN FUCKING PARIS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 169

Help yourself

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 22:00

Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 105

Skincare

By frustrated - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 142

You deserved it 5 055

Nature finds a way

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 466

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 22:00 - Taiwan - Taichung

Today, I had a job interview at Walmart. They showed a video of me stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 2 015

You little git!

By My cat is a dick - 13/04/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had peed all over my coffee table, and more specifically on my laptop, completely ruining it. When I confronted her, she looked at me with what I can only describe as a smug expression, as if to say, "You're not the boss of me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 662

I'm an empath

By S Edhouse - 13/04/2023 22:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, and ever since my wife has gone onto birth control pills for her endometriosis, her time of the month now lasts for three weeks each month out of the four, and on the fourth week she gets pains and doesn't feel like sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 232

Having a whale of a time

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 10:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my boyfriend is packing up his apartment and my parents have gone to a seminar, but I can’t complain about being lonely during the Easter holidays. I'm being kept company by a hundred industrious ants, a very loud cat, and an enthusiastic Aunt Flo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 157

Needs

By Kelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 548

You deserved it 3 447

Lightweight

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, I passed out, and fell off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 133

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a cute dog. I reached down to pet it, but it snarled then bit me. As I was walking away, I saw the owner of the dog, who was laughing and filming the whole thing on his shitty cellphone. I hope the video isn't out there on TikTok or whatever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 010

Welcome to the funhouse

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 02:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 203

Pumped up

By Macey Brietenback - 13/04/2023 00:00

Today, I was in the hospital. My mom was with me and the pump was beeping for over two hours because everyone was busy with other patients. The Asian doctor came in and my mom said, “THESE PUMPS SOUND LIKE CHINESE TORTURE!“ He stared at her and was like, “Umm. We don’t actually do that there.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 155

Duplicitous

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who looked like Ryan Gosling in his profile pictures. When I arrived at the restaurant, he was wearing a tank top, flip flops, and looked more like an actual Gosling, but not as cute. He then had the audacity to bail, stating I was skinnier than I was in my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 180

Get that bussy

By Matt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 959

You deserved it 8 659

Melting man

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 257

It's fine, I'll wait outside

By I tried - 12/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, because the policy "no shirt, no shoes, no service" doesn't mention pants, my friends got the hilarious idea to walk into a store with no pants on. I tried to be reasonable and say they would get arrested, but they called me a "chicken" and did it anyway. Take a wild guess what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 218

Mind your own business

By Brian - 12/04/2023 12:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my big sister, all because she doesn't like me having a girlfriend. She said that I either lose her or my girlfriend, and I chose to lose her. She blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 181

Vamos arriba!

By rog3rli - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 425

You deserved it 12 965

Best of three

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 06:00

Today, I chipped my front tooth on a hazelnut. Yesterday, my car broke down because the mechanic did a shit job, and oil leaked all through the engine. I'm waiting in fear of whatever expensive thing is going to happen tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 105

To be fair, Crocs deserve it

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 21:00 - Canada - London

Today, I was at my boyfriend’s locker during lunch. He shares a locker with my ex. I thought it would be funny to joke around with his Crocs and pretend to cut them. The Crocs cut. I’m now suspended, and I owe my ex a new pair of Crocs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 637

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 00:00

Today, after my man told me to get the dishes done and clean up the kitchen, he got mad at me because I didn’t answer my phone when our son needed medicine that was downstairs. I didn’t hear it ring because I was throwing out the trash, cleaning out the fridge, and washing the dishes, like I was told to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 304

Some people are irredeemable

By given.sins619 - 11/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got the news that the family who adopted me decided to send me back because I didn't share their MAGA ideals. This is the second family to send me back after the first one decided they couldn't financially take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 237

Back to square one

By Who-is-living-with-whom - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother finally finalized her divorce! Unfortunately, she'll have to sell the house, and when she does, she'll move in with me. I only moved out a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 411

You deserved it 1 019

Where am i?

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was playing basketball with my friends. I went up for a dunk and ended up hitting my head on the rim, knocking myself out. When I came to my senses, my "friends" had all left. Assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 166

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By Well shit - 11/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I found out at a routine check-up that I may have asthma. How it went unnoticed until now, I do not know. I guess the world just needed to come up with a new way to make me miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 138

Get your cats fixed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 761

Daily news

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to my high school reunion, hoping to dazzle my old classmates with my career in investigative journalism. Instead, I ended up getting drunk and falling asleep in the bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 1 222

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 998

You deserved it 16 376

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 028

You deserved it 605

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 340

You deserved it 3 027

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 441

Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 116

Today, I woke up, walked outside, and tripped over my dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 503

You deserved it 383