Mr Charles Town, WV, USA 39 years-old Single
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML
Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML
Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML
Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML
Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying to chitchat, he said, "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML
Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML
Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walked out to the living room, and told my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He said no, then pretended to fall asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML
Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML
Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML
Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML
Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML
Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML
Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was, "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML
Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML
Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML
Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her, "Get the fuck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML
Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML
Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML
Today, while vacuuming my car, I discovered a hole in the floor under one of the seats. Unable to figure out where it came from, I took it to a professional, who informed me that a family of rats has been making my car their home for the last several months. How lovely. FML
Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML
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