The Top

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Spray it

By catwoman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 5 586

Who is this?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called and asked if they could speak to my "Mommy or Daddy." I'm 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 732

You deserved it 2 844

Pure entertainment

By embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I'd finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 031

You deserved it 3 479

I've had enough

By bcoper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 722

You deserved it 3 335

Gun nuts

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me, "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 393

You deserved it 3 041

It's not what you think

By NotABeatenWoman - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 517

You deserved it 2 440

Modern art

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 517

You deserved it 1 733

Gassy

By Fartnonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 083

You deserved it 2 756

Hello goodbye

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, and just signed the lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 905

You deserved it 1 980

Check this out

By :,< - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 694

You deserved it 2 689

Nice

By oh, shit...... - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Bagsværd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 750

You deserved it 2 043

The candidate

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 604

You deserved it 3 858

WTF dude?

By Wilhelm - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 300

You deserved it 1 547

TMI

By Workplace woes - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 569

You deserved it 1 076

Let's slip out of here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 101 029

Scorpio rising

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 628

You deserved it 108 315

Hollaback girl

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 535

You deserved it 37 810

Ambien nights

By Sleepless Dreams - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 466

You deserved it 750

User error

By her0x3her0ine617 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 287

You deserved it 47 371

Pavlov's service

By please stay on the line - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 188

You deserved it 981

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 097

You deserved it 1 158

He tried.

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 421

You deserved it 350

Go away

By full of losses - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 972

You deserved it 505

Here we go again

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer… or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 649

You deserved it 241

Kids Say the Darndest Things

By Lolabunny - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Anaheim

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 121

You deserved it 422

Weird dude

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 314

The other shoe drops

By ConstantChoas - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 228

Hello?

By littl3storm - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 581

You deserved it 224

Repetition

By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 378

You deserved it 403

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 365

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The Top

Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me a liar because my dancing was, “too good for a French girl.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 60

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 862

You deserved it 2 662

Today, I awoke to a series of almighty explosions in the middle of the night. Turns out I fell asleep with my AirPods in to a “Soothing rain” soundtrack, which had turned to “Storms and thunder” at some point. I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 401

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 499

You deserved it 21 542

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 279

Today, it's been a troubled day. Me and my girlfriend got into it because she believes that I stepped out on her, which I didn’t. I haven’t had sex in over 15 years. I'd gotten an STI from a ex, and had no idea that I had anything, so now I’m "nasty" according to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 194