The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 23 July 2026, 00:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

Cooked

Today, my partner came home late so I preheated the oven for dinner. My partner got home an hour later, and we put things in the oven. We then go to cook the potatoes on our induction stove. Oh, the stove is off, the breaker must have tripped today. Oh, the oven is on the same fuse. Oh, the food is still frozen. It's 10pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272 You deserved it 185

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Anonymous · 25 July 2026, 09:00 ·United States

A whole mess

Today, I parked at the airport and rushed inside. TSA pulled me into a back room for screening, including a rectal exam, then let me go, but I missed my flight. Back at my car, there was a note on the windshield: “I know what you did, John. Lock your doors next time.” (My name isn't John) and I found a pile of shit on my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 105

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FutureDishwasher · 29 July 2026, 22:00 ·Denver, United States

You know it when you see it

Today, I'm reviewing articles for a medical journal. The stuff submitted that was partially written by AI is such utter crap, I have to take a break every 30 minutes so I don't kill myself or tell the authors they're morons. It actually makes me miss being a minimum wage dishwasher in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 74

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Anonymous · 1 August 2026, 03:00 ·Riverside, United States

Relaxed

Today, I decided to push myself and go to a morning yoga class, despite suffering from horrible insomnia for the past few nights. During child’s pose, I fell dead asleep on my mat and only woke up because I ripped a comedically loud fart and startled myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 126

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Anonymous · 5 August 2026, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Tattoo you

Today, an obese customer wanted a tattoo on her inner thigh. I tried to be professional but after a few minutes, I could no longer stand the stench oozing from this woman’s crotch and had to turn my head and gag. She noticed and kicked up an even bigger stink than what was leaking from her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 88

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Anonymous · 8 August 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Reality check

Today, I posted a video about why men should never date a woman who has a bad relationship with her father. The first comment was from my ex saying, “Errm didn’t both your parents dump your ass in foster care?” It got more than a thousand likes before I turned off comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 727

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Anonymous · 10 August 2026, 09:00 ·Belgium

Let's go!

Today, I sneezed so hard, my smartwatch congratulated me for starting a workout. It ended up being the most exercise I got all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 12 August 2026, 15:00 ·Warren, United States

Any good news? Any at all?

Today, while getting a followup to my MRI, my doctor joked that he "had bad news, and more bad news." Apparently my bulging discs were pressing on my spinal column, which was causing my back pain. The other bad news was my hip pain, it's caused by torn cartilage in there. I need to see two different specialists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338 You deserved it 68

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Chris · 14 August 2026, 22:00 ·Madison, United States

Neighborhood watch

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to tell me I'd left my car window open. I thanked him, went outside, and discovered it wasn't my car. He had just spent five minutes checking a stranger's vehicle because it looked like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247 You deserved it 78

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Clare99 · 17 August 2026, 03:00 ·Sheffield, United Kingdom

Slightly intoxicated

Today, drunk, I tried to sneak quietly into my flat at 2 a.m. so I wouldn't wake anyone up. I stepped on the one squeaky floorboard, dropped my keys, kicked my left shoe into a door, and somehow knocked a framed picture off the wall. My flatmate texted me from her bed, “You OK out there?” FM

I agree, your life sucks 100 You deserved it 351

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Anonymous · 19 August 2026, 12:00 ·Suffolk, United States

It's not me, it's you

Today, after I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he said he won't give up on us and asked me to go to therapy. According to him, “You might need medication for how you feel.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 379 You deserved it 82

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Goodbye Old Friend · 21 August 2026, 20:00 ·Lancaster, United States

Step-dog

Today, I realized that I'm going to miss my mom's boyfriend's dog more than I'm actually going to miss him. The relationship is practically over but I've grown fond of his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293 You deserved it 63

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Anonymous · 24 August 2026, 03:00 ·Rockford, United States

The gap

Today, someone asked me if I was my boyfriend's little sister, just because of our height difference. He's 6'2", I'm 4'11", and this is the fifth time it has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · 26 August 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Rattle and hum

Today, I took my car to a garage because the dashboard had started making a strange clicking sound. The mechanic listened for 30 seconds, opened the glove compartment, and pulled out a pen rolling around inside it. I'd spent €90 on a diagnostic appointment to discover my stationery was causing the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 You deserved it 380

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Anonymous · 31 August 2026, 00:00 ·Wellington, New Zealand

They tried to make me go to rehab

Today, my family finally managed to convince my useless junkie brother to go to rehab. Unfortunately, the stress of dealing with his bullshit has caused my mother, who's been sober 20 years, to relapse. Now we're starting the process all over again with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395 You deserved it 64

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Anonymous · 4 September 2026, 20:00 ·Holly Springs, United States

Hermit time

Today, I’ve been divorced for six years. Dating is in the toilet, and so far my options are short, emotionally unavailable, or married. At this point, I’d like a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 You deserved it 407

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Anonymous · 9 September 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Trust issues

Today, I found out that my husband secretly DNA-tested all of our kids after they were born. Obviously they're his, but I'm incredibly hurt at his lack of trust and I'm thinking about divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 11 September 2026, 15:00 ·Shah Alam, Malaysia

You OK, hun?

Today, I'm not sure if this even qualifies as a confession, but here goes: I'm weirdly but genuinely disappointed that my celebrity crush used to get naked on screen. Somehow my delulu brain had convinced itself she was a proper lady 24/7, on and off screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 You deserved it 586

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Anonymous · 13 September 2026, 22:00 ·Rancho Cucamonga, United States

Eww, what?

Today, I watched a coworker use an electric milk frother, lick it “clean”, then put it back in the break room drawer with the rest of the utensils. I had no idea it was her personal frother. I thought it was for everyone’s use, like the spoons, and I’ve been using it for days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342 You deserved it 92

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Phill · 16 September 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Losing my mind

Today, I spent an hour looking for my wallet before leaving for work. I checked my jacket, bag, kitchen counter, and even the fridge for some reason. I finally gave up and took my spare card. At lunchtime, I reached into my coat pocket and found the wallet. I'd been wearing the coat the entire morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207 You deserved it 187

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Anonymous · 18 September 2026, 12:00 ·United States

PANIC!

Today, my dad had a seizure just after taking his anti-seizure medicine and having been seizure-free for two and a half months. Did I mention I was pooping while my poor dad was having this? I ran out with my pants around my ankles, due to my stepmom flipping out, screaming at me to find the phone (which she found). FML

I agree, your life sucks 336 You deserved it 75

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Juan · 23 September 2026, 00:00 ·Mexico

The war on Christmas

Today, my older sister forced me to tell my nephews, 8 and 6, that Santa Claus does not exist, because she was recently fired from her job and is too much of a coward to tell them she will no longer give them any Christmas gifts for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 27 September 2026, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

MVP

Today, my boss, whom everyone despises, noticed I did a good job, so he clapped me on the back, said more people should work like me, and that he knew he liked me for a reason. I’ve been getting absolute death glares from everyone, including my supervisor. Even the cleaning ladies are giving me evils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348 You deserved it 51

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Cuncked · 6 October 2026, 22:00 ·Virginia Beach, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Unc gets around

Today, I found out the 19 year-old girl I've been attracted to is fucking a 36 year-old unc (I'm 21). What is so wrong with me that she'd rather sleep with an unc than me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 You deserved it 253

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Anonymous · 9 October 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Who?

Today, a customer got pissed off and called me a "libtard" simply because I admitted that I had absolutely no clue who Charlie Kirk was, but I'm the one in trouble for telling him to GTFO because I don't take crap from people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296 You deserved it 173

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No redneck neighbors, please! · 11 October 2026, 12:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

NIMBY

Today, my wife and I were house-hunting. The only house that looked remotely like what we hoped for had a neighbor who flies a huge American flag and owns a massive pickup. I think we'll keep looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246 You deserved it 391

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Unloved mother · 13 October 2026, 20:00 ·Oslo, Norway

Escapism

Today, my family had to travel for a funeral. On the drive down, I saw that my son had brought his Switch. I always suspected he didn't care about anything but himself, but this hurts worse than ever confirming that he prizes his stupid video games over us and our collective grief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 You deserved it 700

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I tried · 16 October 2026, 00:00 ·Sydney, Australia

Happy anniversary!

Today, I'd booked a table at a restaurant for my parents’ anniversary but when we arrived, the staff couldn’t find the reservation. I checked my confirmation email and realized I’d booked it for the following evening. We did find a less classy restaurant nearby, but can't get my deposit back from the other place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 You deserved it 327

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Anonymous · 18 October 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Poisoned chalice

Today, as a wedding gift, my in-laws signed ownership of the family cafe over to us so they could retire abroad. I looked into the cafe's financials, and it's £115,000 in debt, with a bailiffs high court writ on it. This could ruin us just as we’re starting our married life together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458 You deserved it 58

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Anonymous · 20 October 2026, 15:00 ·Sydney, Australia

Detox

Today, it's been two weeks since I quit smoking weed. It's not horrible, the digestive issues from the withdrawal have stopped and I have started dreaming again. Sadly all my dreams are horrific nightmares that wake me in a cold sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286 You deserved it 93

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