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By tb351 - 28/05/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 491

You deserved it 8 468

Polly wanna latte

By Anonymous - 20/11/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 171

Reminder

By Anonymous - 21/11/2023 19:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, I was running a D&D game. I invited my nephew to come along to try and distract him, as his brother took his life two weeks ago. Stupidly, I had only skimmed through the module I was running (as I run multiple) and didn't realise that today's session involved gallows. Guess how his brother took his life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 330

Sorry Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 22/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, to tease my cat for his naughty behavior and tendency to fart upon getting onto my lap, I tried to return the favor by farting on him while he was cleaning himself. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 703

Bad boy

By VtecKickIn - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 246

You deserved it 5 810

Communication unclear

By Anonymous - 24/11/2023 18:00 - Germany

Today, I said to my man, "You used to tell me you love me, but lately you don’t even want me telling you." He responded with a story about his clogged shower drain and then couldn’t understand why I got upset, because apparently this was his “reply to the question I asked.” WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 142

Classic confusion

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 05:00

Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 199

Stop moving!

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to try and capture some of my dog’s pee to get tests done. During the attempt, he pissed all up my arm, the ordeal drawing a crowd of spectators who no doubt think I’ve gone mad. After all that, the sample captured wasn’t enough to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 104

Rough night

By paul - 01/06/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. from a nightmare in which my stalker ex was my Uber driver, but I woke up before he killed me. I fell back asleep and woke up after several more people attacked me and I fought them off with pepper spray, and found out more people were looking for me because they got 13 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 89

Doggy dog world

By Simon E - 03/12/2023 10:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I was in a Teams call with my work team, and I was getting really annoyed at a woman in the team just waffling on about nothing, I yelled, "Just shut up you fat pig, shut up!", not knowing my mic was unmuted, I had to lie, saying I was yelling at my dog for barking. Not sure anyone believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 088

Never in public

By Red - 02/06/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a beautiful park. It would have been perfect if it wasn't for some fat incel recording it on his phone, yelling about how much of a douche my boyfriend is, and how I'm such a "Stacy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 90

A pin drop

By Kerry - 03/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Reply All" email from a colleague, in which they vented their frustration with our boss. Unbeknownst to them, our boss was included in the distribution list. Our whole open plan office became a silent comedy of awkward glances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 122

Self-sabotage

By ToxicSelf - 05/06/2025 03:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I'm ruining my own life by being incredibly lazy at my new job. It scares me, as my family is dependent on my income, and I love this job too. Why am I always on self-destruct mode? I really want to snap out of it and be hardworking like so many others I know (including my husband). FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 468

By issy - 21/09/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 720

You deserved it 3 645

Please leave me alone

By Getting an F - 05/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I tried to get ready for a final. I had about six hours to study. My girlfriend decided to help by jabbering loudly in my ear about celebrity gossip, noisily cleaning the office and losing my notes, and getting in a screaming argument with her mom over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 177

Gimme a crumb

By Anonymous - 07/06/2025 14:00 - United States - Manlius

Today, my dad informed me that my mother's 100k life insurance policy was being processed perfectly, for him. I rent a falling apart mobile home and work 3 jobs to get by. He owns outright and already gets all her pension benefits, etc. I am receiving nothing as inheritance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 217

Healthcare is broken

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, my dad was finally referred for urgent spinal surgery. He's had increasingly bad neurological problems for over a year, and they have been ignoring my pleas for help, until it's urgent enough that they are operating next week. No one will give us a survival rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 107

That'll be 250 bucks

By Anonymous - 23/08/2022 12:00 - Belgium

Today, I'm again stuck with my colleague for another monologue off all her divorces, narcissistic mom, drunk father, sex-obsessed husband, autistic children, and her aggressive dog she had to put to sleep. I feel like I give her a 7-hour free therapy sessions, sucking all the life out of me instead of doing my real job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 140

Careless words

By Kilamo - 16/06/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, after burying my dad on my birthday, one of my aunts walked up to me and said, "Well at least you won't forget your birthday." I wanted to cuss her out so bad, like, bitch, how would I forget my birthday and the day I buried my dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 79

Second best

By fred - 17/12/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, at the age of 34, I realized every girl since high school who has dated me, only dated me because they had low self-esteem or were rebounding. The second they found someone they thought was better, they would leave me. Will I find someone who actually wants to be with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 154

Sounds about right

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 381

Confess!

By Sad man - 20/06/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw my new car was gone and my son seemed very shifty. When I questioned him with the cops, he admitted to taking it for a joyride and "leaving it" behind a derelict mall. We drove over. It was wrapped around a light post, completely destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 100

The ice cream machine is broken

By Chris - 29/08/2022 04:00

Today, it's the eighth day in the last two weeks that my job has kept me late, while working with broken equipment. It's been longer than that, but I started counting two weeks ago. I've been cussed out because of the broken equipment too. No amount of money is worth not seeing my girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 171

Signals

By UnfortunatelyNotPsychic - 20/12/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, my partner said I was ''foreign'' to him, like ''I didn't know him at all'' when I failed to correctly pick up on a highly specific thought he had about me, via text message. Sorry for not being psychic, babe? FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 123

The main attraction

By Born Slippy - 23/06/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking on a rainy pavement in new shoes. Suddenly, I slipped, flailed my arms wildly, and landed flat on my back. The worst part? I was in front of a pub window. It was the middle of the day but still had people in it. Thankfully, no one applauded, because British people prefer to smirk in silence. A kid did give me a thumbs-up, which was nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 92

The final boss of annoying customers

By Karen - 22/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Akron

Today, while I was helping customers in the self-checkout, one lady wouldn’t stop talking to me. Other customers needed help and I was trying to go help them. When I tried to walk away, she hugged me over my arms, physically restraining me. I froze. I actually have PTSD from being sexually assaulted years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 125

Alexa, play "Career Opportunities" by The Clash

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 02:01

Today, I realized I freaking hate my career. I've only got through a semester, but I feel like I can't end the four years it takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 190

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my first day of going to the gym, some gym bro dropped his weights, which you’re not supposed to do, right on the top of my foot. I have complex crush fractures in most of my foot bones, I’m going to need surgeries, probably metal pins, and I can’t put weight on it for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 136

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I realized my wallet was missing right as I went to pay for my groceries. I frantically searched the store, retraced my steps, and finally found it. It was inside a freezer, where I'd apparently placed it in when I was grabbing ice cream five minutes earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 402

By brows - 03/03/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 939

You deserved it 52 563

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The Top

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 898

You deserved it 5 199

Today, I bought a shirt for my 5 year-old, which said, "I tried to be good, but I take after my Grandpa!" I thought it was a cute joke, but my mother-in-law said, "So you mean his grandpa isn't good? And that's why your son isn't good?" Despite my husband adding, "She bought this shirt. It was a joke, mom" they're still offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 197

Today, I was boarding a plane and an elderly woman asked if I could put her carry on into the overhead bin. Eager to help, I energetically lifted her bag up, and smacked her in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 042

You deserved it 6 363

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 573

You deserved it 2 804

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 663

You deserved it 6 977

Today, I was sending screenshots to my best friend about a guy who'd screwed me over. I sent the screenshots to him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 947